Checking out My Breasts and Ass Is Not the Problem — Being Disrespectful Is
The problem is not people checking us out, it’s people disrespecting us
A beautiful woman walks along the street, a guy glances at her and checks her out. He then continues on his way.
A common trend is to complain that the guy in this scenario has done something wrong. For a while, people would shout and go crazy that the guy had turned her into a piece of meat, that he had objectified her simply by looking. It became so bad that some guys were and still are afraid to even look in the direction of women for fear of being accused of doing just that.
Thankfully things are pulling back a little bit from this, and I said thankfully not because I wish to be objectified or turned into a piece of meat, but because guys checking us out is not a problem. Trying to imply it is simply masks over the real problem because inevitably people will fight back against how ridiculous it is to make men fear even looking at women for fear of being accused of being a creep.
This is what’s happening. The arguments come fast and hard, women check women out, and it’s true, we do, arguably we identify an attractive woman before even men do. This is a phenomenon that is believed to be linked back to our ancient desire to protect ourselves from mate poaching, so we evolved to identify an attractive woman before a man could see her just in case that woman would try to poach that man from us. We check guys out as well. Looking at people and checking them out is just not a problem.
It is simply human nature that when we see people, we will look at them, and if they are attractive, we will likely take a second look. This is not a problem. How can it be a problem? Imagine if everybody had to walk along the street with their head down, never acknowledging or registering anybody. It would be a horrible world. We tried to create this horrible world which is why inevitably it has backfired because it was stupid to even try. It’s not what anybody wants.
Yet in the effort to create this world where guys are scared to even look at us, we have lost the narrative of the main fight, which is not guys checking us out, it’s not even guys turning it into pieces of meat with the way they look at us, it’s guys staring at us in a way that makes it clear they think they own us. It’s guys ogling us. It’s guys grouping around not far from us and clearly talking about us and what they would like to do to us.
Guys can look at me all they want, when I wear my yoga bottoms in the gym, I wear them because I think they look good and make my ass look good. If I break down what that actually means, it means I think that people will want to look at my ass, specifically the people who find women attractive.
There is simply no escaping it. When any of us — male or female — look in the mirror and think to ourselves, “I’m looking good,”, what we are thinking is that the people who are attracted to our gender will find us attractive. When men look in the mirror and flaunt their six-packs, the only reason they’re happy about them is that they think that women — or men — will be attracted to those six-packs enough to want to look at them. So, when they think “my sixpack looks good”, what they are actually thinking is men/women will think my sixpack looks good and will want to look at it.
I do think a six-pack looks good and I do love looking at a good one, but we women don’t rate men on appearance in the way that men do us. All women know this, and we know the reason why. It is just the way attraction works. We equally objectify men just in different ways.
But because we know that men use our appearance to gauge our attractiveness, we know that when we do our make-up and think we are looking good, that what we are actually thinking is men will think we are attractive and will want to look at us. When we find an outfit and think we are looking good, what we are actually thinking is men will think we look good. When we find an outfit that makes our ass look great, what we are actually thinking is men will want to look at our asses. When we find an outfit that makes our breasts look great, we are thinking the same thing.
There is no escaping it. We can try to deny it, it’s impossible to. We wouldn’t care about our asses if guys didn’t, we wouldn’t care about our appearance if guys didn’t. There is just no escaping that reality. The majority of women don’t try to, we know that the only reason we want to “look good” and the only reason we think we look good when we think “look good”, is because our instincts tell us that the people who are programmed to rate us on our appearance will think we look good. That’s why we don’t have a problem per se with people checking us out. Not if we are being truthful.
We don’t even have a problem with people fantasising in their heads about bending us over, about what they would like to do with us, even about our lips being on their cocks. It might make us cringe to think guys think of us in that way sometimes, but sometimes it turns us on. Most of the time it just makes us go “urgh.” Either way, it’s not something we have a problem per se with. Not if we are being truthful.
What we have a problem with is people using all of these realities to disrespect us. To intimidate us. To imply that they somehow own us. That we belong to them. What we have a problem with is people trying to make us believe that our self-respect and belief over who we are and how we feel about our appearance belongs to them, and that because of that they get to tell us what makes us look good.
So, by all means, if we walk along the street check us out, if we’re in the gym and we are doing squats wearing exceptionally tight yoga pants, check us out, as long as it is done discreetly and respectfully it is not a problem.
That means don’t stare, don’t ogle, don’t try to hit on us, don’t try to make clear that you own us and have the right to do what you want with us because we have dressed a certain way, don’t try to imply you have a right over how we dress or how we act, just glance at us and then get on with your business and leave us to ours, if we are passing you in the street you can even smile if you want to show that you register our existence. We might even smile back, but only if we know that you won’t take that smile as an excuse to try to hit on us.
All in all, I’ve met very few women who have a problem with guys checking us out. There are some, but their problem in my experience is not with people checking them out per se, it is more that they simply have issues, which could be trauma-based, mental health-based, self-esteem based, personality-based, all of the latter and more. These problems extend to them not liking people registering their existence, least of all in a sexual manner.
But the majority of women do not have a problem with people checking them out, especially if we are dressed up. It’s just human nature. What the majority of us have a problem with is when people do check us out, they don’t just do that they do much more. If that more didn’t happen, and it didn’t happen so frequently, none of this debate and all the chaos that came with it would ever have come about.
So, guys, if you want to have more freedom to check us out without fear of being ostracised for doing so, then start calling out the guys who do more than just check us out, the guys who take liberties because they don’t see us as people, they see us as prey. Start calling them out so we start feeling safe when we are out and about, so that we know you have our backs, and then we may not always feel so uncomfortable whenever your eyes are upon us.
Thanks for reading!
