8 Notable Green Flag Qualities in Potential Partners

If you see these, you’ve got a keeper.

I could go on at length about the poor characteristics I see in the dating market and how frustrating they are. But we’ve covered that time and again. It gets to the point that if we only focus on the bad, we don’t often see the good — and there is plenty of good out there.

I used to assign that as a therapy exercise when I was a family therapist. I would tell children to watch out for the good things their parents did during the week and jot them down. The parents did the same. They were both told it was a top-secret assignment. At the next session, we would compare notes. They were always surprised by how much good they found in each other when they were looking for it.

8 Green Flag Characteristics to Look For

In dating, we can take this to extremes. We can only look for the good and miss out on the warning signs. Or we can only look for the bad and miss out on truly good potential partners. So, let’s talk about some green flag characteristics of a strong potential partner.

1. Kindness

I can not say enough about the importance of having a kind partner. Watch how they treat waitstaff and the people in the service industry. How they talk about friends, family, and strangers. How they interact with the world at large. A kind partner is a treasure. An unkind partner is a red flag.

2. Maturity

A mature partner is also valuable to find. Maturity comes in different levels. I see it as someone self-sufficient who is capable of supporting themselves financially and doesn’t take everything personally. They don’t flip out if they’re rejected. They take it in stride and move on to look for a better match. They are emotionally regulated and have a view of the world that includes the ability to put themselves in other shoes.

3. Empathy

Empathy is a huge green flag factor. They can think outside their own experiences. They are sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others. It goes hand-in-hand with kindness and maturity. An empathetic partner is often more in tune with us and won’t dismiss our feelings.

It should be mentioned here that neurodiverse individuals, particularly autistic people, are often seen as less empathetic. Nothing can be further from the truth. Rather, they may experience and show empathy in different ways. It’s good to learn about neurodiversity so that we can also practice empathy when dating people who might not be neurotypical.

4. Humor

Humor is a quality that’s much appreciated in dating and relationships. But is that humor kind? Some humor is mean. It focuses on making fun of others or being uncomfortably self-deprecating in an attempt to obtain support. That’s not the humor I refer to here.

Humor that’s kind and doesn’t try to make other people the punchline is such a wonderful characteristic. In my healthiest relationship, my partner could always make me laugh. Even on my worst days, he knew how to draw that out of me. I will always be grateful for it. It’s a rare quality — one we should never take for granted.

5. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a huge green flag in relationships. It’s important for people to see their value but to also be aware of their flaws. We can be confident individuals and still see that we’re not perfect and never will be. Our self-awareness, when paired with empathy, can make us kinder, more understanding partners.

6. Growth Mindset

Of course, we want that self-awareness paired with a growth mindset. Self-awareness alone does little but point out the flaws. A growth mindset is an intention to do what we can to mitigate them. We try to do better. We’re willing and capable of learning and growing in relationships. It’s a beautiful green flag when a partner has a strong growth mindset and is willing to do the deep inner work to become a better person and partner.

7. Emotional Intelligence and Availability

Emotional intelligence is beautiful. It gives us sensitive partners who are thoughtful, generous and well-regulated. Emotionally available partners won’t shy away from intimacy. They have all those qualities of emotional intelligence with the added ability to be open, honest, and clear. They don’t run when from commitment or intimacy, and they understand that the greatest form of courage comes in the form of vulnerability.

8. Equality Mindset

Last but never least, an equality mindset is a strong green flag value. Someone who is looking for an equal can make a powerful partner. It’s important to understand the value system of the people we date because we are never the exception to their rule. If they don’t support equality, it will come out somewhere. Look for a person who sees partners as equals, and you’ll be looking at a keeper.

A Word of Warning

Keep in mind that someone can have all these qualities and still not be right for us. It’s equally true that they can feel right for us, but we don’t feel right for them. Let them move on and find who they’re looking for. This frees us up to do the same.

Trust me when I say there are so many good people out in the world if we’re looking for them. If we’re brave, we just might find them. If we’re kind, we just might get to keep them, too.