Summary

Erin King shares her personal experience and insights on the green flags that indicate a relationship has the potential for lasting love, emphasizing qualities such as honesty, safety, teamwork, and mutual acceptance.

Abstract

Erin King, the author of "How To Be Wise AF," reflects on her journey from focusing on relationship red flags to recognizing the green flags that signal a deep and enduring connection. She recounts her 15-year marriage and the transformative experience of meeting her husband, which led her to identify key indicators of a healthy, lasting relationship. These green flags include clear communication without games, a sense of safety and trust, partnership and shared goals, resilience against external negativity, a unique and positive connection, excitement for a shared future, unconditional acceptance of each other, enhanced self-esteem, and the desire for a deeper commitment. King encourages readers to look for these positive signs and offers resources for personal growth and relationship well-being.

Opinions

The author believes that a relationship where both partners feel safe to be vulnerable is a strong indicator of lasting love.
King emphasizes that being part of a team in a relationship means sharing dreams and resources equally, which is crucial for long-term success.
She suggests that when someone makes you want to remove toxic influences from your life, it's a sign that the relationship is beneficial for your well-being.
The article conveys the opinion that a relationship should feel exciting and full of promise for the future, not suffocating or like a prison sentence.
King expresses that true acceptance in a relationship allows both partners to be themselves without the need for change or criticism.
The author shares her personal transformation from someone who never wanted marriage or children to someone who embraced these commitments with the right partner.
She posits that a relationship that encourages personal growth and makes you feel more beautiful, both inside and out, is a sign of a deeply fulfilling connection.
King advocates for the importance of upgrading from a casual dating relationship to a more formal commitment when it feels like the natural next step.
She encourages readers to monitor their habits for greater happiness and to use her wellness resources to foster deeper self-knowledge and healthier relationships.

DISTRIBUTED BY CURATORS IN RELATIONSHIPS

8 Green flag predictors for lasting love

These green flags tell you that it is more than just a passing fancy.

Erin King is the author of the book “How To Be Wise AF: 30-Day Guided Journal For Women” and other wellness, gratitude, and wellbeing resources.

I spent my 20’s, and early 30’s watching for relationship red flags. You know what I mean, those deal-breakers that come up and tell you when it isn’t working.

I spent so much time focussing on getting out of bad relationships that I didn’t think to look for good indicators.

The day I met my husband, everything changed.

I’ve been married for 15 years. My husband and I have been through things that would have torn many marriages apart.

I knew very early on that he was the one, and from that point forward, I’ve never looked back.

Instead of going through our whole history, I’ve boiled it down to some finer points that I know only happen when you are with the right person.

Here’s what to look for and how you can tell:

No games.

After our first date, my husband called me when he was on his way home to thank me for a nice time. I was impressed that he didn’t feel the need to wait or keep me hanging on for a certain number of days. It was refreshing; it showed me he trusted himself was straightforward and honest.

You feel safe.

Safety is being able to let your guard down with complete trust. To share who you are, knowing that your inner child is safe and protected. From the very beginning, I could let my guard down and be vulnerable. No matter what insecurities or issues came up, he never exploited them for his benefit.

You’re part of a team.

Being part of a team means being equal. It means making plans, sharing dreams, and bringing the future to life. When I first moved in with my husband, we merged our finances and paid off $6,000 in debt in one year. We did it together as a team. I knew that if we combined our resources, we could accomplish anything. I had no reservations about sharing my finances with him because I knew he’d never take advantage of me. I’d never merged my life with anyone before. I’d never been with anyone I trusted enough.

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Nothing can come between you.

When someone is really good for you, you start to acclimatize to being happy and healthy. You want to take the toxic people out of the mix. If you’ve typically had bad relationships, there may be people in your life who will try to sabotage your happiness. When you actively protect your relationship and partner, that is a good indicator of the commitment you have.

It is different in the right way.

I know it’s cliche, but I had never experienced love before meeting my husband. My family was so toxic that love was a foreign concept. The boyfriends I’d had were manipulative and aggressive, and what I’d thought was love in the past was infatuation. When I met my husband, I felt calm, settled, safe, and accepted. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before. Nothing had ever come close.

The future feels exciting.

Someone who makes you excited for the future is someone you can plan one with. I knew very early on that I wanted a future with my husband. When we made long-term plans, it felt real and exciting. With any other boyfriend, it felt like a suffocating prison sentence. If you can see yourself having a future, you will work towards making it happen. No relationship is perfect, but when you are with the right person, the future feels full of excitement and promise.

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You can be yourself and let them be themselves.

Other boyfriends always found something about me they didn’t like — something to correct or criticize. My husband doesn't do that. Yes, we have things that bug each other, who doesn’t? But for the big things, the who I really am on the inside stuff, he is completely accepting. He puts up with what he isn’t crazy about and takes the whole package, and I do the same. I’ve never felt like I had to hide or change any part of myself. I’ve never wanted to change him.

You feel more beautiful.

All my life, I felt ugly. Until I met my husband. He thinks I’m beautiful. He thinks I’m so beautiful that I feel beautiful when I am around him. I’m still not crazy about my looks, but on the inside, I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I’ve come to see myself through his eyes, and I like it.

Just being together isn’t enough.

When we first got together, I realized that merely being a girlfriend wasn’t enough. I’d never felt like that. The one thing I’d always known for sure was that I never wanted to get married or have kids for that matter when I met my husband, all that changed. It wasn’t enough to say “my boyfriend,” I wanted to say “my husband” I wanted the permanence of a long-term commitment. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I welcomed it. I don't even know why I just wanted it to be official. I wanted it, and he wanted it too, and we talked about it, lots. I didn’t want it to trap him or to make him stay. I wanted it because it felt like the next natural progression.

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These green flags tell you that it is more than just a passing fancy.

Will every relationship that hits these markers be the one? Maybe not. But at least if you start with these things, you will be headed in the right direction.

Thanks so much for reading!

Monitor your habits for greater happiness by downloading your FREE Mini Wellness Workout Self-Care Resource Bundle. This package includes a set of printable habit trackers, including a Mood Tracker, Alcohol Tracker, Sleep Tracker, and Dream Journal. My gift to you to get you started on your road to deeper self-knowledge.

Erin King creates journals and resources for health, happiness, and well-being.

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And if you’d like to see a few more by me, please check these out:

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Smart investments in your kitchen make these daily tasks easier.

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Table Of Contents Of Writing By Erin King

A quick way to find articles of interest with links for easy access.

e-king-writes.medium.com

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