7 Things to Add to Your Sex Bucket List While Married

Ideas to fill your bucket when you’ve got a permanent bedfellow

Sex buckets lists are all the rage. Promising explorations of sensation and connection with lovers, partners, total strangers is intriguing and keeps your mind churning with passion and desire.

Inspired by the plethora of my fellow sex writers preaching the glories of buckets of sex, I sat down to make my own. The first item on my list was a threesome.

And there, I got stuck. You see, I’m married. Happily, blissfully, contentedly married to a man I could not have built better in the Weird Science lab. I know that Mr. Laithland a) has already been a third of a threesome (before our time, thus not including me) b) did not enjoy himself overmuch and c) has valid reservations about adding another body to our marriage bed.

I understand and respect his decision here. So, where does that leave my bucket list if the first item on it is uncheckable? The idea of a bucket list, even a sexual one, is to push yourself to new limits and experiences. Not everything has to check off, but the aim is to look for opportunities. As one half of a committed, monogamous-by-choice relationship, almost anything I add to my bucket list has to be amenable to my permanent partner. (Save masturbation goals, of course.)

Thus, I’m left to ponder how in the world to create a sex bucket list while in a long-term relationship. In my case, a marriage. If you’ve committed to one human, either through legal marriage or self-imposed exclusivity, your sexual bucket list should probably include them. Thus, you get to start getting creative in what constitutes fresh sexual experiences when the partner doesn’t change, and their ideas, preferences, and boundaries must be considered.

A few suggestions to speed your bucket building follow.

1 Location, location, location. Make a goal to have sex in every room of your house. Or every state, county, or province of your country. Mr. Laithland and I recently added “sex on six of seven continents” to our list. (Antarctica was left off because there is no way either of us is going to manage anything sexual there.)

Maybe you want to experience sex on the beach and not as a fruity cocktail. Or under cover of a starry night. Don’t break laws, but a long list of locations to get lucky is definitely bucket-list worthy.

2 Make a public spectacle. Again, I’m not condoning breaking the law and dropping trou in front of the Bath & Body Works. But your sexual bucket list doesn’t necessarily have to be straight-up sex. Add some PDA to your list and make out at the mall. A little over the jeans heavy petting in a movie theater might be just this side of forbidden and hot as hell. Get a bit frisky in the lake. Join the Mile-High club (at your own risk as most airlines really hate that. Again, I’m not encouraging you to break the law. Don’t break laws.)

If your partner isn’t down with adding more bodies, perhaps they’ll be amenable to getting up to some stuff with a bit of an audience.

3 Explore the erotic arts. This goes beyond just watching porn together. Tap into your artistic sides. Write a piece of erotica together or break out the sketchbooks and make your best “Paint me like one of your French girls” attempts. Use your mutual attraction to fuel your creations. If you’ve been together for a long time, you may discover a reignited passion for one another’s bodies.

If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, make your own porn movie together. Take the appropriate precautions to secure the file, of course.

4 Explore the kinks together. They don’t even have to be your kinks. At least maybe not at the moment. Ever titty-fucked your partner (if tits are a part of the equation here)? Heard of splooshing? That’s wet and messy play. If you and your partner share a deep and abiding love of mashed potatoes, perhaps eating a big ol’ scoop of it off your lover might add something new and interesting. Or it will be a hilarious story of when you had to get gravy out of your buttcrack. Either way, it’s an option for your bucket list.

You might even discover a new kink to enjoy together on the regular.

5 Masturbation can be a two-party system. This is the goal where you can get a little crazy because your partner isn’t a factor. Try out the wildest toys. Experiment with widths, depths, and positions.

Make yourself a checklist of toys you want to try. Consider anal beads, kegel pearls, or one of those multi-fingered 3-holes-in-one vibrators. You can also add mutual masturbation goals to your list. Watch your partner get themselves off. Attempt to sync up your masturbation orgasm.

You can even take the masturbation a step further and create your own JOI session, or Jack/Jill Off Instructions. Tell your partner what you want to see them do while they pleasure themselves.

6 Frequency counts for something. Your bucket-list can definitely be made a little fuller with sexy streaks. Make a goal to have sex daily for a week, a month, until the next major holiday, on every major holiday, or even get ambitious and aim for some form of sexual contact for 365 days straight.

A word of advice on this one: don’t get hyper-focused if you break a streak. Keep in mind you and your partner are making a shared goal of sex is a positive, never an obligation. When sex becomes work, it loses a bit of luster.

7 Duration, duration, duration. Add to your shared bucket list marathon sessions. Sex all weekend where anything goes and absolutely no clothes. How many orgasms can you or your partner achieve in one sitting? Add one to that record and drop that in your sexy bucket.

Consider toying with how long you can make a session last before either of you orgasm. Discuss orgasm torture as an option as well.

A note from the author: Let’s be clear; your sexual bucket list can still include stuff that doesn’t require your specific partner. Just because you are married or in a long-term, no-end-in-sight arrangement, doesn’t mean you can’t add things to your list just for you. Even if all things well and good in the world, they are unlikely to be completed because your partner isn’t game. A threesome is still on my list even though the chances of actually having one are pretty slim should my husband and I live long, lustrous lives as a married couple.

In my real-world, not-sex bucket list, in between “Drink coffee in Vienna” and “Publish a novel,” I have written, “Learn to stunt drive a car.” For financial, practical, and geographic reasons, this bucket list item is so far outside the realm of attainability; it is almost laughable. And yet, it remains. Something that if circumstances and lotto numbers align, I’d like to do before I die.

Your sex bucket list is, above all, yours. Add whatever you’d like, however unlikely. Sometimes just the fantasizing about the otherwise impossible is fun all by itself.

For more things you should know about sex, read these.

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Gwenna Laithland is a writer, humorist, and communications specialist. She is a work-at-home mom of 3 living in Oklahoma, working on a short story collection and novel.