7 Steps To Permanently Expel A Narcissist From Your Life
Narcissists use people as puppets to serve their purposes.
This means that you need to set your limits early enough, to protect yourself from their toxicity. But how can you deal effectively with abusive narcissists?
1. Do Not Justify, Explain Or Defend Yourself
Narcissists use control and bullying to make others have second thoughts about themselves. When they do this, they feel empowered and in control of the situation.
Part of defining yourself is deciding what to share with others; the less you share, the less information the narcissist will have to use against you.
2. Get Out Of The Situation When You Are Not Feeling Well
You do not need anyone’s permission to stop taking part in a catastrophic discussion. Your cell phone might help you with that. No one knows when it will hit; say you have to answer and just walk away.
Otherwise, you can deal directly with the situation by saying:
“We can discuss another time when you will be more ready for a constructive dialogue”.
or
“This is not healthy; I will not take part in it”.
3. Decide What You Will Tolerate And What Not
A key to setting healthy boundaries is knowing when to say “NO” and doing it. Ask yourself what you are willing to accept from others and what not. For example, you might accept jokes but not sarcasm. You might be “OK” with expressing a passionate opinion but not with bullying.
When you set boundaries, narcissists will repeat their usual behaviors: disagree, blame, minimize your feelings, act victimized, claim you are “hypersensitive”, or get angry. These tactics are unpleasant and traumatic, and your limits should be out of the question.
4. Learn To Skip Annoying Questions Or Negative Comments
If a narcissist poses you annoying questions, just change the subject. If he judges your career choices or your relationships, change the subject again. Narcissists love these things.
Ask them what is their secret to a successful relationship or how they make decisions about their careers. This way they will focus on their favorite subject, but also on themselves instead of you.
5. Deal Immediately With Narcissists
Narcissists crave attention and affirmation to subconsciously mask feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. To do this you can speak openly. For example, say:
“Are you trying to throw me off psychologically or make me feel bad”?
or
“I notice that when I try to speak, you interrupt me”.
Speak directly. It does not matter how they respond. You must know exactly what is going on.
6. Do Not Underestimate The Power Of Narcissism
Remember that narcissists have spent a lifetime learning how to reduce and exploit others. Narcissism is a powerful psychological phenomenon based on the distorted view these people have of themselves, others, and the world. Most people get annoyed by narcissistic tactics.
And if you’ve had a long-term relationship with a narcissist, you’ve certainly faced toxic behaviors. If you do not set healthy limits in a given situation, show compassion to yourself. Recognize what you want to do differently next time and move on.
Limits can not be entered in one day. It takes time and inner strength to deal with these beasts.
7. Prepare Yourself For Unexpected Reactions
Part of your limits is to be prepared for what will happen if these are exceeded. The consequences are better when they are clear in your mind. When they break a limit, act immediately, decisively, with the chosen consistency, each time. Otherwise, you might lose your credibility.
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