Everything your narcissistic partner reveals about you!
What lies behind the relationship with a toxic narcissist?
Much has been written about narcissists. Much has also been written and said about those who have kinship or even prefer companionship with narcissists. Of course, if a narcissist is your dad, mom, brother, or sister, there is not much you can do about it.
Unlike our relatives, we choose our friends and partners. You remember that, right? Let’s have a look at some answers to key questions, posed by victims of narcissistic violence.
I suspect my partner is a narcissist. How can I be sure of that?
To begin with, you need to clarify if he is a narcissist, or if you are just “translating” your partner’s ego into narcissism. When talking about narcissism, we refer to a person suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, diagnosed by a mental health specialist. In general, we need enough data to end up talking about narcissism, but the basis is four distinct elements, briefly described below.
- He is egocentric (what we socially call individualist or selfish) to a large extent. Of course, this is something relevant, as elements of selfishness are necessary and positive for our survival, and it is a pity if someone has lost them.
- He emits a sense of grandeur while being bigoted. That is, he behaves like a boss to those around him, even to those equal to him.
- Although he is sociable, he finds it difficult to relate to people who have different views on his beliefs.
- Every incoming criticism (towards him) is translated as “jealousy”.
I have a narcissistic partner. Did it happen to me or did I choose him?
Wherever there is a human will, in “deep” psychology, there are no coincidences. Everything is done by choice, even unconsciously. So, since nobody has imposed this person on us, as a partner, then “yes”, we have chosen him.
And here I will emphasize something extra, which is not always the case, but is very common: narcissists, on their part, usually choose addictive characters for companions. So, someone who has a relationship with a narcissist should look inside himself, and wonder if the narcissist has also chosen him, due to being a psychological addict.
Why did I fall in love with a narcissist?
As, very often, the feeling of greatness they radiate is charming. The narcissistic disorder itself makes them charming. However, this fact might be a little worrying about you; people who do not have a well-structured inner world tend to be more attracted to narcissists.
Isn’t it possible for my narcissistic partner to change?
Keep in mind that if he is a narcissist, that is the personality disorder with the lowest rate of self-recognition. Simply put, the narcissist does not even understand “what he has”.
Although you may try to reach out to him, about the problem, he will not accept it. Instead, he will consider you a threat, and enter a state of defense, attacking you as an enemy.
They do not accept the diagnosis, even by a specialist. For them to change, they must be aware of the problems that their disorder creates in themselves and others and decide to work hard in a therapeutic direction.
What exactly is wrong with a narcissist when in a relationship?
For any narcissist, the very basic thing is not what is seen and discussed against him, but the fact that he has suffered such “damage”, assaulting in being mentally incapable of loving.
A narcissistic person is optionally disabled, with a complete lack of empathy.
Be careful, I do not mean “he does not want” to love, but “he is incapable of love”. Τhis admission is shocking and tragic, at the same time. However, it is the only truth, and the partner must move on to accept this reality.
What does a narcissist suffer from deep inside?
What he mainly suffers from, is his low self-esteem! An element so fragile for him, but he is very trained to hide it. Every narcissist deep inside has a feeling of shame that is very difficult to deal with, alone.
Although others see that he is not ashamed at all, being proud of himself, deep inside he is very ashamed. He does not realize it either, that’s why he needs a specialist to help him get rid of this torturous feeling.
What is the most important thing a narcissist partner should remember if he decides to stay with him?
I will answer with an analogy, which I hope will help you: think of a narcissist somewhat like a vampire of admiration. He needs to be nourished by this admiration, as in his mind he equates himself with endless love, which is never enough. So, offer him as much as you can.
When he becomes so demanding that he almost “drains” you, then set your limits. You will realize this point when it comes to “theatrical” scenes or expressions. Then return him to his previous behavior, reminding him of the limits with expressions such as: “what did we say”, “what did we agree”. Otherwise, you will end up deifying them (Stockholm Syndrome), from the morning till midnight.
Of course, to survive in such a toxic relationship, you must have accepted and loved each other, to the extent that this is possible.
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