7 Steps To Break Free From Toxic Self-Talk

Yesterday, I watched the movie Violet, starring Olivia Munn. It’s a great movie, and I really liked it as it portrays the struggles faced especially by Millennials but also by people from other generations. It highlights the toxic self-talk that many people, perhaps all of us have, at least at some stage in our lives.

If we don’t work through this highly negative and self-destructive pattern, we might miss the chance to experience genuine happiness

What Is Negative Self-talk And Where Does It Come From?

Negative self-talk is this little voice in our head that tells us how much we’re struggling, that we can’t seem to do anything right, that we’re colossal failures, far from being good enough, and that everything we do is wrong.

It insists that making mistakes is not okay and that we must always live up to society’s, our family’s, and our friends’ expectations. It’s about trying to be the good boy or the good girl that everybody expects us to be, and these expectations and thoughts eat us from the inside. I know this feeling very well — I’ve been there, I’ve lived this reality.

But where does Negative Self-talk originate from?

As always, it originates in our childhood. Our minds are wonderful but also very easy to manipulate, especially when we’re new to this world.

Surrounded by people that tell you how much you suck all the time, you will end up believing them eventually, even if you talk back to them. Sadly very often these people are our parents. They lived through a rough reality themselves, cannot handle their past and start doing the same to you as they experienced.

A lot of young children and teenagers have to listen things like these all the time:

You are stupid!

Are you really that dumb?

You are a bad person!

How could you do that to me?

You are so ungrateful! Shame on you!

You can’t even do one thing right!

You are such a failure!

You are a huge disappointment!

You are like your father/mother!

You’ll never succeed in anything.

You just make mistakes.

Why can’t you be more like x/y?

You’re incapable of doing anything correctly.

You’re too lazy to succeed.

You’re a troublemaker.

You’re just wasting your and our time.

Kids are very sensitive and can pick up on vibrations. They feel the anger, the frustration, and that’s what they tend to remember about a person.

Even if we are strong enough to defend ourselves at a young age, which we often are not, we get programmed this way. Our subconscious is like a sponge, absorbing all this information and starting to believe that we actually are this way. We lose confidence and might never have had a chance to build confidence in the first place.

I’m definitely not saying that it is always like this. There are some very kind and patient parents with happy kids out there, and I count myself, my partner and my kids in this positive group, but I often hear about these toxic childhoods that I also experienced as a young girl.

You feel helpless, not knowing how to break free from so much negativity. But I have good news: There is always a way.

How to Break The Toxic Cycle

First step: Awareness.

Become aware of your thoughts, and your negative self-talk. Only when you’re aware that you’re doing this to yourself, do you have a chance to break free from it. Tools like meditation and plant medicine might assist you with this very challenging first step. Without awareness, there’s no chance of change. You need to recognize and understand the problem. Go for silent walks and incorporate a daily meditation practice into your life. You need to become aware of your so-called monkey mind.

Second step: Acceptance.

Accept who you have become, don’t judge. It is okay. It is not your fault and not the fault of your parents. It is a vicious cycle that has probably existed for generations.

Third step: Compassion.

Feel compassion towards yourself and your upbringing. Recognize that both you and your parents/other people who raised you were influenced by circumstances beyond your control.

Show kindness to yourself as you navigate through this process.

Fourth step: Re-program.

Challenge negative beliefs by creating affirming and positive statements about yourself. Replace self-criticism with self-empowering thoughts. This shift in mindset helps reshape your self-perception. However, this is achievable only if you manage to become aware of your thoughts in the moment when you have them (step 1). Work with affirmations, visualizations, and engage in activities you genuinely love.

You deserve it! You are enough! You deserve to be happy!

Fifth step: Change your Environment.

Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and understand your journey. You need people who believe in you and your dreams, and support you to achieve them.

You cannot change yourself if you are stuck in the same environment.

Often, this means not having contact with individuals who instilled this toxic mindset in you in the first place. This realization is not easy, but it’s necessary if you truly want a positive change. It doesn’t matter if you are related to these people or not; what matters is not accepting those who bring you down in your daily life.

Sixth step: Let go!

Let go of everything that doesn’t serve you, including negative feelings. Send love, even to people you might have learned to hate. You’ll be surprised how much your reality changes when you take this simple yet challenging step.

Send love to others, but also feel loved!

Feel the love from the universe. We are all connected and inherently kind spiritual beings, needing to free ourselves from the negative baggage imposed on us.

Seventh step: Get Back Control

After all these other steps, notice that you are in control of your own reality. Acknowledge that you’ve created your own suffering! This is where you regain control!

You are behind the wheel in the car of your life, no longer just a passenger! Congratulations! You have done it!

I won’t lie! These steps are not easy to take. I went through them, and it took me years, needing the help of psychedelic plant medicine like Ayahuasca and Iboga. But I never gave up, and today I am a happy, grateful person who enjoys life and cultivates a positive mindset.

I don’t blame anybody for my past or what I experienced. Letting go of everything served me so much. I know that I am in control of my reality, not anybody else.

But don’t be fooled. This work is ongoing. You may still experience setbacks, but that’s okay as long as you remain aware of this process and maintain the right intentions. We are all human and far from perfect, but we are capable of developing and improving our characters. We have the ability to re-program any toxic influence that was imposed on us.

Good luck! Feel hugged!

Namasté

Your Alina

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