Summary

The article discusses the effectiveness of headline analyzers versus generators in capturing reader attention, with a particular focus on the author's experimentation with clickbait headlines and the impact on viewership.

Abstract

The author shares their experience with headline analyzers, preferring generators for their ability to create engaging titles. They illustrate their point by crafting an exaggerated headline aimed at capturing John Cena's attention, achieving a high score on a headline analyzer. The article delves into the author's experiment with blatant clickbait headlines, which despite low analyzer scores, significantly increased viewership. The author concludes that while headline analyzers can be accurate, the success of an article also heavily depends on the accompanying image and the relevance of the topic. They reflect on the importance of a good headline, comparing it to the success of "Fifty Shades of Grey," and expresses hope for their article's performance.

Opinions

The author finds headline generators more useful than analyzers for creating engaging titles.
They believe that a headline analyzer score above 75 often sounds absurd and unnatural.
The author suggests that once a headline reaches a score of 75, further improvement may not be necessary.
They highlight the effectiveness of clickbait headlines in increasing viewership, even when the content is minimal.
The author acknowledges the accuracy of headline analyzers but emphasizes the importance of a good image and a hot topic for an article's success.
They point out that a high-scoring headline alone does not guarantee success if the accompanying picture is poor.
The author uses humor and personal anecdotes to convey their points, such as the story about their grandmother.
They express skepticism about the literary quality of "Fifty Shades of Grey" but acknowledge its commercial success despite its simple cover art and title.
The author is hopeful and slightly skeptical about the potential virality of their own article, using it as a case study for their arguments.

Sup Drake!

7 Reasons All The Greatest Writers in The History of The World Aren’t Afraid to Always Choose Powerful Headlines to Alert John Cena’s Eyes Attention

You don’t want to read this, but you will

On Facebook there was a question posted about headline analyzers. The true purpose was attracting readers because they were promoting a story they wrote about headline analyzers. I gave my opinion anyways because I’m a writer and it was a prompt.

I find headline generators more useful than analyzers. I can spot a headline created with with help of analyzer and usually stay away. 7 reasons all the greatest writers in the history of the world always use powerful headlines to capture Bon Jovi’s full attention would probably get a high score but… Heh. I got an idea. Brb. — Hogan Torah

Welcome to my idea.

The quest for the perfect headline

I free — styled the headline “7 reasons all the greatest writers in the history of the world always use powerful headlines to capture Bon Jovi’s full attention” off the top of my head. I knew I was above a 70 but it would need a little fine tuning if I wanted to hit the hundred.

Okay, not bad. Alert word added, body part added…

Celebrity? Is Bon Jovi no longer famous? Let’s try Weird Al. Nope. Mike Tyson. No? Really? Damn, I’m old.

Let’s try the example that they give of Drake. Drake works but fuck Drake. That Kiki song is just wrong. You don’t do that. Let’s try John Cena. It works. Perfect.

7 Reasons All The Greatest Writers in The History of The World Aren’t Afraid to Always Choose Powerful Headlines to Alert John Cena’s Eyes Attention

Yahtzee! That’s what’s up!

I spent the next half hour trying to get the full hundred but it wasn’t happening. Eh, 97 is still pretty damn good.

Or is it?

I might have to click, out of curiosity, but if someone attempted to write a corresponding story to this I imagine it would be terrible. It sounds forced because no one talks or writes like that.

But, I’m not the reader my writing is targeting. I write for young, working class everyday people. The truly woke that know there’s no use fighting it so let’s buy a house.

I don’t think my intended audience would click on that. Or would they?

The headline analyzer is good place to start. I’ve found anything that scores above 75 to sound absurd, like the title. If you can prove me wrong, please do.

Adding the components that the analyzer specifies will get more clicks, but I advise you to stop trying to improve your title once you hit a score of 75.

If you still think people are too smart to fall for a few extra words in your headline, I’d like to remind you that we elected a television personality president. Then almost re-elected him.

A month ago I did an experiment. I wrote the most blatant click bait headlines I could. Then I put them in front of the paywall. For free.

Don’t feel the need to click on any of these, because everything you see is all there is. A title, subtitle and picture.

The following had almost doubled my normal amount of views. I decided to run them through the analyzer to see how much the headline mattered.

Headline score = 68

My Mail Man Doesn’t Know That He’s Also My Drug Dealer

That was a Mitch Headburg joke. There are no more. That was the joke.

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Headline score = 64

I Farted So Hard My Back Cracked

That’s it. You read it. Nothing more to read.

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Headline score = 67

Ladies Call Me Shamu, I‘m 800lbs and They Get Depressed When They See My Living Conditions.

I don’t know why you click. You should know what this is by now.

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Now, here’s the ones in the title and picture series that flopped. These got about half as many views as average.

Headline score = 67

What my Native American Cisgender Autistic Son Traveled Back in Time to Tell me

The hot stays hot and the cool stays cool

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Headline score = 56

I Put The Fun in Functional Addict

Why won’t Biden tell us his bowling average? What is he hiding?

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A couple of days ago I posted this

Headline score = 80 (thus absurd)

Teenager Averts Eye Contact With Mother After Watching Incest Porn

Stepsister somehow gets stuck half way in washing machine

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Not even a week old and it’s up there with my Star Wars thing.

What did I learn from this?

If you tell people not to read it they will want to read it.
Don’t use personal pictures.
I need to write more about incest.
Bon Jovi is a nobody.
The headline analyzer is more accurate than I assumed.

Thus, this will be the top article I ever write. Which would be nice.

Normally I’m ignored completely on Twitter, but people either love incest or Ryan Fan. Maybe both.

Yeah… He wrote the title but didn’t want to have his name attached to it so gave it to me. Thanks bruh! Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.

It’s over 9000! I’m usually lucky to break a hundred. Let’s see what the old anal-izer says.

I laughed for 15 minutes at the ‘strong human connection’ part. Now that’s funny!

This isn’t the first time where the information I received while researching a story invalidated my point. I was prepared to trash the headline analyzer, but I ran some other of my most and least distributed pieces and it’s accurate.

The few things with a high score that didn’t do well have a crappy picture. The things with a low score that did have a great picture or the topic was hot did better.

Headline analyzers are useful. The right picture is important as is the topic.

Fifty Shades of Grey is the best selling book ever sold by Amazon to this day. Did anybody actually read that thing? Absolute garbage it was. Over 130 million copies sold. The cover art is boring. And the title?

Will this story die alone unloved and be found two weeks later dead on the toilet like I found my grandma? Or will it be my biggest story ever?

Finger’s crossed. (does 5 knuckle shuffle.) I’ll keep you posted.

Everything I Know About Being a Writer I Learned From Pro Wresting.

You can hit me but I hit back and I hit harder

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