7 Contrarian Lessons I Learned From My Mentors

Ditch the word ‘should’ from your life.

It was 2016, and I was sitting in my college dorm room. I already knew I would drop out. There was only one question I still didn’t answer.

What am I going to do next?

I looked at Tim Ferriss’s new book, Tribe Of Mentors, lying on the desk in front of me. Tim created this book — filled with wisdom from brilliant people — when he was at crossroads himself. He had questions, so he asked them.

What if I did something similar?

For the next two years, I looked for «mentors» — people, whom I could trust to answer my questions. Those were life coaches, entrepreneurs, business managers, startup founders, most of them extremely successful, and some of them even billionaires.

I asked them every question I had on life, business, and finding my way. The questions I received exceeded all expectations. Those were some of the most thoughtful and inspiring answers I heard. It was as if I was watching an insightful TED talk, live, while it was created.

My favorite question (which I still ask almost every person I meet) is from Peter Thiel’s book (Zero To One), the ‘contrarian question’.

What truth do very few people agree with you on?

It’s an extremely powerful one because it has a built-in bullshit detector. You can’t be contrarian and say something cliche. It became my go-to question when looking for interesting content. If you ever interview somebody, I suggest you give it a try. The results will astonish you.

In this piece, I want to share with you 7 answers to this question I received from my mentors.

I know that most readers tend to skim articles. But make sure you don’t rush when you read them. Let them sink in. Allow them to change you.

Without further ado.

1. Take Responsibility For Everything In Your Life

No matter what happens, you are fully responsible for everything going on in your life. Everything is ultimately your fault.

Yes, if the weather is poor and it’s raining — it’s not your fault. And yes, you don’t control the traffic jam. But you could have checked the traffic online before leaving the house. And you could have brought an umbrella.

Viktor Frankl said,

A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how”.

Responsibility is something few people want to take. It’s also not handed on a silver platter. But if you want to own your life and experience fulfillment, you need to start taking it for yourself. And because so few people take responsibility, if you decide to take it, you’ll stand out.

2. Be Transparent

In China, people don’t share secrets. The revenues and profits of the company are held secret. On a personal level, people are afraid to give away too much information about themselves.

This is why if you start sharing your secrets, you’ll be seen either as a complete idiot — or as a genius. Either you don’t know what you’re doing, or you have something more in store — which you don’t share.

Transparency is the key to leadership — in business, life, everywhere, including leadership of one. When you share everything you’ve got, you’re not giving it away. You’re empowering yourself and others.

Ray Dalio — one of the most successful hedge fund managers in history — in his book Principles: Life and Work, shared how radical transparency has helped him to become successful.

He writes:

«In order to be successful, we have to have independent thinkers — so independent that they’ll bet against the consensus. You have to put your honest thoughts on the table».

And he walks his talk, too, by allowing his employees to criticize his approach to business, thus, helping everybody improve.

As Peter Drucker said, «What gets measured, gets managed.» And what gets managed, gets improved. And when you add a social component to that, allowing other people to witness your progress, you become unstoppable.

This is why blogging is so powerful. You can use transparency as a motivator. There are thousands of people who launch blogs to get out of debt, build businesses, or simply improve. They then share their progress openly to discipline themselves and allow transparency to motivate them.

In this new economy, the one who gives the most — wins.

3. Success Doesn’t Require Drama

We all know those stories of entrepreneurs who put everything on the line to make the business succeed. They sold their car, their house, their dog, their dog’s toys, and maxed out three credit cards.

The media tells us, that’s why they became successful.

But in reality, it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to take that much risk.

Most business books we read are built around drama or what screenwriters call, «the all is lost moment» because they are books. They are closer to fiction than reality. If they were close to reality, they would have been boring: work, work, work, be patient, work, become successful.

But if you look at the Fortune 500 companies, maybe 5–10 of them started as «crazy success stories.» The vast majority went through linear growth and without drama.

Success requires sacrifice and it does require hard work. There will be hard times. But it doesn’t require drama. You’re not in a Hollywood movie.

4. You Are Different

The modern world puts too much emphasis on our «sameness». Everyone is said to be the same.

It might be easy to believe this, but it’s simply not true.

What works for you, me, Bill Gates, and what works in general — are three different things.

We all have different backgrounds, minds, experiences, and DNA.

To find success and fulfillment, you’ve got to know yourself and think about what applies specifically to you. It’s fine to seek inspiration from other people, just keep in mind that everyone is different.

As Matsuo Basho wrote, «Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise, instead, seek what they sought.» Don’t copy what somebody else did, but ask the same questions they did.

5. Ditch The Word ‘Should’ From Your Life

We live in a culture that puts ‘hustle’ on a pedestal. It makes you feel guilty if you don’t work. The hardest thing to do is nothing.

There are two things wrong with the phrase «you should work».

First, it’s the word should. When you live your life by shoulds, you give away responsibility for yourself. You live your life based on other people’s and social agendas. Let’s replace the should with want. Yes. That’s much better.

And second, it’s the concept of something called ‘vertical coherence’ from the book Flow. When your life is coherent, your day-to-day actions represent your long-term goals and vision. This is what makes you most fulfilled. But when you wake up each day and tell yourself you must work, there isn’t any coherence in relation to your long-term goals.

So start living by wants instead of shoulds. And make sure your daily actions align with your long-term goals. You don’t owe anybody anything. There isn’t anything you should.

6. Enjoy It Now

We all have goals. Dreams. Aspirations. Goals.

But as Emily Dickenson wrote, «The future is comprised of nows.» Which is to say, the future is an illusion. Whether it’s five minutes or five years from now, the future will come and be felt the same way that now does.

There is no future, it’s all just now, now, now, and now.

Hemingway said,

«It is good to have an end to journey towards. But it’s the journey that matters in the end.»

When Neil Gaiman achieved his first success with the book Sandman, Steven King gave him advice, “You should enjoy it.” But he didn’t.

As he recalls in his famous commencement speech, he worried about the next project. It was an important lesson for him to enjoy what you have, while you have it.

You never know when the journey will end, so you might as well enjoy it now.

7. Desire Is The Ultimate Lifehack

With so many life hacks, books, routines, tips, courses, and articles that help us motivate ourselves, we forget an important truth. Your desire is the ultimate lifehack.

One of my mentors told me something I will never forget. He looked me in the eye and said, «You can become anybody you want. You can fly to Mars. You can become the president. You’ve just got to want it bad enough.»

This comes back to lesson 5. When you tell yourself you should do something, you’re merely existing on discipline. But discipline burns fuel. When you really want something, you don’t have to motivate yourself. You’ll be unstoppable. You’ll have more fuel after doing what you love than when you started.

Everything that the human race has accomplished was thanks to desire. It’s the best lifehack nobody told you about.

The important question is, what do you want?