6 Small Ways You Can Positively Support Trauma Victims

#6: Don’t take PTSD symptoms personally

When you think that a loved one might be experiencing trauma, it can be difficult to know how to help them. You can see the warning signs, and you think they might like a helping hand, but your lack of knowledge stops you from taking action.

My husband felt that way when I was experiencing trauma. He knew I wasn’t the same person, but he felt extremely helpless.

Quite honestly, that wasn’t his fault. Humans aren’t generally raised knowing how to help others who have experienced extreme trauma. And because it is such a taboo topic, it is simply rarely spoken about.

However, if you want to help someone, here are some key steps:

1. Don’t blame the victim

Blaming a victim can worsen a situation. The victim already will have terrible feelings from their trauma let alone the added guilt or shame that can come from blame. It can cause anxiety for the person.

Sometimes you may not even be aware that you are blaming the victim. For example, if someone has PTSD after being attacked during a break-and-enter, it would be considered victim-blaming if you mentioned that it wouldn’t happen to you because of your security system at your house. It is very subtle, but the implication is the victim should’ve had better security.

Try to avoid asking the victim questions or making suggestions on what they should’ve done in the situation. Instead, just let them know that you are there for them. Reassure them that it isn’t their fault.

2. Recognise that trauma can repeatedly resurface

Sometimes when a person is recovering from PTSD, it can seem like two steps forwards and five steps back. Random triggers can pop up at any time, causing symptoms to resurface. This can even happen years after the person experienced their trauma.

For you to help someone, you need to be aware that their symptoms may suddenly resurface. You need to be able to stay calm in the situation when it happens and avoid any feelings of frustration in front of the trauma victim.

3. Learn what their triggers are

Following on from the previous point, it would also be helpful for you to learn what the triggers might be for a trauma victim. For example, perhaps you are helping a friend who had a near-drowning experience. It would be helpful for you to learn that being near the ocean might be triggering for them.

Usually, it is best for trauma victims to avoid their triggers while they are in the early stages of recovery. They may not have had a chance to process their feelings. After some therapy sessions and advice from a professional, they may want to slowly be reintroduced to those triggers.

By being aware, you can be proactive in helping a victim. If you know that your friend may experience a trigger, you could let them know and ask if they prefer to avoid it. Or if it is unavoidable, you could tell them you are there for them.

4. Genuinely ask about their issues and actively listen

It is always good to ask someone how they are going with their specific issue. Of course, if someone doesn’t want to talk about their problems, don’t pry. But it is always great to let them know you want to hear about them.

When they do talk about their issues, listen actively. Don’t talk over them. Rather, let the victim speak and ask questions or make statements to allow the person to elaborate.

Use statements and questions like:

• “That would’ve been difficult”
• “How are you feeling now?”
• “I see that you are having a hard time”
• “Would you like to have a break?”
• “I would like to listen to you and be your support”

5. Don’t give advice

Unless your advice is to seek professional help, it is usually best to keep your opinions to yourself.

Whilst you might be trying to help and your advice might be well-meaning, you can’t know what someone should do because you are not in their shoes. Even if you had the same traumatic experience.

This is because everyone lives and thinks about experiences in different ways. You were raised in a particular way that allows you to see the world as you do; other people will see the world differently.

This is one of the reasons that counsellors don’t give specific advice.

6. Don’t take PTSD symptoms personally

When you are trying to help someone overcome trauma, it is very important to not take their symptoms personally. Some of the symptoms can include cancelling plans, withdrawing from conversation or even bursts of anger. You need to know that these very strong reactions are not about you and they are not your fault. This is just how the victim is reacting to their trauma.

If you find a person is acting out, you might need to just give them some space initially. Don’t just retreat. Rather, say, “I can see you would like some space. You have my number if you need to call me and I will keep my phone by m side. I will call you tomorrow to check in on you.” Then actually follow through with checking in on them. This allows the person to know that you are giving them some space but you are open to talk and you are still there for them.

Consequently, you can say immediately, “I can see you are having a hard time/withdrawing. Would you like to talk about it?” This can help open the conversation immediately.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a very serious condition. If left untreated it can affect the relationships of the victim. By choosing to stay by the victim's side and by choosing to take these positive steps, you can ensure you are doing your best to help the victim. Essentially, you will be actively helping the victim to recover at a much faster rate.

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