6 Rules to Live By When Life Feels Hopeless
Ground yourself in things that are in your control.
Right now the world is on fire.
It’s difficult to find much hope for the future, and it doesn’t look like things are getting any better.
Every day a new headline sparks outrage. Uncertainty about the future is sky-high. Rumors of imminent collapse abound. The economy is down, and global warming is up. Everybody is arguing, and nobody can unify the widening gap.
It’s easy to be consumed and distracted by darkness. But as Sir Francis Bacon said, “In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.”
If you knew the world was going to end tomorrow, what good would it do to run around in a panic today?
Everything is uncertain right now. So more than ever, it’s important to ground yourself in what’s not up in the air. There are a few rules you can follow to increase your chances of overcoming hopelessness.
These rules are not difficult. They apply regardless of your background or economic status. But they do require you to take on a different mindset than most people around you who buy into the narrative of doom and destruction. So where do you start?
Unplug from the drip bag
I have a coworker who reads the news every day and complains about it. I’ve seen her come to work in a cheerful mood, read the news, and have a terrible rest of the day.
Most mainstream media is politically slanted and geared toward outrage. Its been that way for years but has gotten worse over the past five to ten years. More and more, mainstream media’s purpose seems to be inducing outrage.
Remember the old adage: What goes in is what comes out.
Watching negative news increases anxiety and puts you in a bad mood. Chopped up news video and clickbait headlines increase your worry and make you think the world is falling apart.
Endless scrolling through the news is like an IV fluid drip, constantly dripping anxiety directly into your system. Doomscrolling can lead to a vicious cycle of fear and anxiety. It can be difficult to stop when you start because your brain craves the novelty it provides.
It’s time to put down the phone and turn off the TV. Yes, there are current events you need to know about, but it’s less than you think. You are not irresponsible if you don’t know everything that’s happening in the world. What good is being informed if you can’t do anything about it?
Try turning off the news, and see how it changes your mood. But don’t stop there.
Get it on paper
It seems like everyone today praises the benefits of journaling. Which is good, unless you don’t like to write.
Fortunately, you don’t have to be a good writer to be great at journaling. Let me explain.
Many mental health benefits come from journaling about your thoughts and emotions. Often, you can gain clarity just from seeing your problem on paper. Writing about past events can help you understand them better. And writing about your desired future can help you move forward when you feel stuck.
The benefits go aren’t just mental though. Elizabeth Broadbent, a professor of medicine at the University of Auckland in New Zealand, found that writing about distressing events in life could help surgery patients heal faster. What does that mean for you?
When you write, it reduces stress. Lower stress reduces cortisol. Lower cortisol helps your body heal faster. Writing has a healthy effect both mentally and physically.
Don’t try to be fancy with your journaling. You aren’t writing to be read by anyone else but yourself. Write exactly what’s on your mind and let it flow.
You’ll be amazed at the clarity and direction you gain from putting pen to paper.
Become that which you seek
When everything around you is crumbling, it can be hard to hold on to hope. You might be tempted to ask: What’s the point of trying?
You can lay down and cry because you think life is meaningless, or you can turn your focus to other people.
Instead of looking for hope for yourself, be hope for someone else.
It’s tempting to get caught up in your problems and forget everyone else has problems too.
You’ll always be miserable when all you think about is yourself. Helping others can make life more meaningful. You have little to lose by treating others with kindness or making an extra effort to help someone.
Instead of looking down on the person who annoys you, see yourself as someone positioned to make their life better.
If you’re consistent in offering hope and value to people, you’ll find the rewards outweigh the temporary inconvenience.
Increase your agency
In their book The Power of Agency: The 7 Principles to Conquer Obstacles, Make Effective Decisions, and Create a Life on Your Own Terms, Anthony Napper and Dr. Paul Rao describe agency as making things happen for yourself.
Think about it this way. An agent for an athlete or a writer knocks on doors and makes things happen for their client. Agency is when you do that for yourself.
There’s a general lack of agency in society today and there are many different reasons for that.
But people have a low sense of agency because we’ve surrendered so much of our time, energy, and attention to things that aren’t in our control like:
- the economy
- the news
- other people’s opinions
- the government
- social media
Increasing your agency means putting your energy into things you can control.
It sounds cliché, I know. But putting energy into things like your health, mindset, and learning gives you a greater sense of control.
Increasing your personal agency won’t fix the world’s problems. But it will make life better for you, and put you in a better position to make a difference in the things you care about most.
Slay the dragon every day
When you feel the need to be better than someone, recognized for something, or entitled to something, you’re battling your ego. It’s the destructive sense of entitlement that causes you to self-sabotage and keeps you from making real progress.
Joseph Campbell, the mythologist and professor, said dragons in mythical tales represent the ego. According to Campbell, “The real dragon is in you.”
The dragon is that nasty little voice in your head telling you you’re special, above the rules, and destined for greatness. It holds you prisoner to your perceived greatness, and keeps you from reaching your potential.
To overcome your ego, you have to slay the dragon every day.
The fastest way to slay the dragon in you is to adopt the mindset of a student. There’s always something more to learn, even if you’ve mastered an area. Everyone can teach you something.
I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t as great as you think you are. Practicing humility will bring you far more success than ego ever will.
Not all ego is bad, of course. You need a degree of ego and self-belief to succeed. But when ego turns into entitlement or self-aggrandizing belief, it does more harm than good.
Know when to surrender
I had a supervisor at work who was quick to escalate any problem above her pay-grade. Instead of delving endlessly into a client’s issue, she would direct it up to the manager and say “It’s above me.”
My supervisor knew when to surrender things that were out of her control.
When life feels out of control, you have to recognize when the situation is above you. What does that mean?
As humans, we have a finite amount of control.
When things seem hopeless, it’s more than a little helpful to have an active spiritual life. Believing in a higher power can give you more confidence to face the unknown.
Believing in a higher power can also improve both physical and mental health. It increases hope, builds resilience, and helps to ward off depression. Connecting with a higher power can even help you live longer.
Spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, and attending religious services, can give you a fresh perspective when it feels like nothing matters.
Final thoughts
In 1948 the world was living under the threat of annihilation by the atomic bomb. When asked how a person should live with such a threat, C.S. Lewis wrote an essay called Living in an Atomic Age. Here is his conclusion.
If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things — praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts — not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds.
You can substitute whatever catastrophe you like for the “atomic bomb.” It doesn’t matter. Lewis’s message holds true regardless of what happens.
When faced with circumstances beyond our control, the only sensible thing to do is keep going. Live your life.
When you’re surrounded by bad news and outrage headlines, it’s hard to see any hope for the future. But the future is only hopeless if you allow yourself to think that way.
So ground yourself in things that are within your control. You’ll be able to thrive in uncertainty and bring light to the dark.
You’ll find hope when things seem the most hopeless.