If You Feel Stressed You Need More Agency

How to thrive in the age of anxiety

In the heart of the Great Depression, Reinhold Niebuhr wrote what would later become known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

The Serenity Prayer has been adopted as a mantra of sorts by some twelve-step recovery programs. It’s powerful for more than religious reasons. It requests the ability to discern between what is and what isn’t in your control, and the courage to act on the things that are. At its core, it’s a plea for greater agency.

This year has been stressful for everybody. It’s impossible to not feel anxiety when the world stops.

In January many imagined 2020 would be the beginning of another Roaring 20s decade. That’s hardly been the case.

The economy is at a standstill, and anxiety is racing. People are trying to cope with the uncertainties of job loss and a shutdown. The CDC recently reported a staggering 30.9% of adults have experienced “symptoms of anxiety or depression” due to the pandemic. I would venture its been a higher percentage than that.

It’s easy to point fingers and blame politicians or pandemics for the grinding stress and gnawing anxiety you feel. Trying to alleviate that stress through Netflix binging, doomscrolling for hours, overeating, or medicating does nothing to stop the uncertainty and stress you’re trying to ease.

So, What Can You Do?

The way you answer that question goes a long way in determining how well you’ll hold up through this crisis.

Will you choose to focus on things that are out of your control? Or, will you make the most out of the things that are in your control?

We’re faced with many things every day that are out of our control. More than ever, we need the ability to spend our energy on things we can control. It’s what James W. Moore describes as “[The] feeling of being in the driving seat when it comes to our actions.”

A sense of personal agency helps you get through trying times without breaking. Many people today lack a strong personal agency — the self-reliance which Emerson insists helps you “Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself.”

Personal agency is the ability to make decisions for yourself and act on those decisions. It’s the reason some people thrive in a crisis, while others fall apart. Let me explain.

Become Your Own Agent

In their book The Power of Agency: The 7 Principles to Conquer Obstacles, Make Effective Decisions, and Create a Life on Your Own Terms, Anthony Napper and Dr. Paul Rao describe agency as acting as an agent for yourself.

Imagine yourself as an agent for an athlete, actor, or author. You knock on doors and find opportunities for your client. Agency is when you do those things for yourself.

There’s a general lack of agency in society today. Napper and Rao describe it as “the feeling of being stuck in an unsatisfying place, overwhelmed by everyday life, and unable to clear your mind and organize your thoughts to figure out how to get unstuck.”

When you feel unable to make things happen for yourself, you experience greater stress stress and anxiety.

If you’re dependent on the news to inform you, the government to provide for you, or a job to protect you, you will feel disempowered to take action for yourself. You will have a low sense of agency.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s why.

Causes of Low Agency

With news and social media everywhere you turn, it’s difficult to know what we should care about. Its been shown that if you watch the news your anxiety will rise. You’ll start thinking it’s your responsibility to cure COVID-19, win the election, fix the economy, and end social injustice right now.

Then there’s your daily responsibilities of holding down a job, keeping your family safe, and protecting your mental health.

We all indeed play a part in making the world a better place. But no single person can do it alone. If everything matters, nothing matters.

Napper and Rao — writing before the pandemic — believe there are 5 factors that have led us to this age of anxiety.

• Always-on technology
• Competitiveness stoked by metrics
• Loss of human connectedness
• Loss of physical movement
• Always working

In short, many people have a low sense of personal agency and high stress because we’ve surrendered so much of our time, energy, and attention to things that aren’t in our control.

Increasing your agency will decrease your stress. But it’s easier to be plugged-in and zoned out.

How to Increase Your Agency

The truth is, you don’t need to do anything fancy to increase your agency. It’s about taking ownership of your life.

Achieving greater personal agency means you must come to terms with what is in your control and what isn’t.

While one person can’t control the outcome of the pandemic, the global economy, and when or if your kids will go back to school, there are smaller things you can control. These include

• your body
• your habits
• your skills
• your learning.

To be an effective agent for yourself, limit your exposure to things that are outside of your control, and pursue greater mastry in things you can control. When you work at things that are in your control, you reduce your stress and the overwhelming feeling of helplessness you have.

Napper and Rao noted that you can thrive “under highly challenging, pressured situations,” when you have a greater sense of agency.

What are some practical things you can do to increase your agency?

A Few Easy Steps to Get You Started

The best place to start is your smartphone. Most people don’t use their phones, they let their phones use them. Research suggests smartphone usage is linked to lower mental sharpness.

Social media–though it has positive uses–is a breeding ground for comparison. Constant updates and messages add to daily stress. Turn off your notifications. Limit your email. Learn to use your phone in a productive way by tracking your exercise or reading, instead of using it as an escape. This helps you gain agency over your attention.

On that same note, get up and move! Even something as simple as taking a walk can lift your mood on days you just aren’t feeling it. Taking care of your body helps you feel more physically and mentally ready to take on the uncertainties of these times.

If you can’t go to the gym, there are plenty of ways to exercise at home. Exercising helps you get agency over your body and mental health.

Find a way to connect with a friend or loved one. By nature, human beings are social creatures. The pandemic crippled our ability to socialize in a time when we need it more than ever.

Yes, there’s Zoom and FaceTime. But they can’t replace person-to-person interactions. There are safe ways to get together with a few other people, even if you go to a park and sit on the grass six feet apart. Connecting with friend or loved one helps you get agency over your happiness.

Key Takeaway

By taking ownership of the little things you can control, you will increase your agency. You’ll face adversity with greater confidence. You’ll have the “wisdom to know the difference” between what can and can’t be changed in your life. And most importantly, you’ll lead a life of less stress in this age of anxiety.

It comes down to the maxim of Theodore Roosevelt, “Do everything you can, with what you have, where you are.”

Nothing fancy, just intentionality.

Less stress, more serenity.

Isn’t that what you’re after?