avatarKyle Chastain

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Humility is an Underrated Superpower

Here’s how to use it so you can beat your ego and find success

Photo by TK Hammonds on Unsplash

Have you ever felt like you are your own worst enemy?

You’ve probably had the experience of starting something new only to quit when things get a little tough. Maybe you achieved a little success in the beginning, but you got scared and your insecurities caused you to self-sabotage and you burned the whole thing down. Now you’re left with ashes in your hands and no one but yourself to blame.

In 2015 I started a non-profit organization with a group of friends. I was the only employee and it was my full-time job. After working hard over two years and raising tens of thousands of dollars, I had to close it down. The organization wasn’t growing and our funding dried up.

When I signed the articles of dissolution to close the organization, I lost a job that I was was passionate about and a career I felt was my calling. But the failure was on me. I spent more of my time focused on the vision and branding than interacting with people who could help get the organization started. My ego told me that as the leader I was the “visionary” and people should flock to be part of what I was doing. They didn’t.

My ego was my worst enemy. One that I could have fought if I’d practiced humility by doing what I knew was necessary to be successful.

Experiences like mine are often the result of a lack of self-awareness. You believe that you can be someone you aren’t because there’s a voice inside telling you things like:

  • I shouldn’t have to work so hard to be successful.
  • I should sail through the hard parts of life.
  • I deserve to be listened to because I’m special.
  • Nobody should criticize me because I’m gifted.

This mindset is rooted in ego. That nasty little voice in your head telling you that you’re special, above the rules, and destined for greatness. It’s difficult to admit that you have an ego, but easy to see its destructive nature as it storms across your life.

The good news is that your ego doesn’t have to ruin your life or keep you stuck forever. Humility is the superpower that will prevent you from destroying the good things in your life. Let’s talk about how to do it.

The first step is knowing where to look

We all know someone who has a huge ego. You’ve seen how much misery ego can cause because it makes a person their own worst enemy. It’s much harder to see it in yourself.

I’m not talking about ego in the Freudian sense. I’m talking about the destructive entitlement mentality that induces self-sabotage and keeps you from making real progress.

Author Ryan Holiday describes this type of ego perfectly:

It’s not confidence — which is properly defined as evidence of our strengths and abilities. Ego is something different, something less earned, a kind of unhealthy belief in our own importance. The idea that we have unlimited strengths and no weaknesses. It’s the voice whispering in our ear that we’re better than other people, that our needs matter more, that the rules don’t apply to someone as exceptional as we are. It’s the sense that we are special and therefore need this success or that piece of recognition to prove it (or rather, we deserve it because well, because). It’s the belief that everyone else is watching us, that we’re destined for greatness.

Ouch! So much for being “special.”

This kind of ego comes from “An unhealthy belief in our own importance. The idea that we have unlimited strengths and no weaknesses.” That sense of entitlement stems from a lack of self-awareness. It’s also the holding you back from achieving great things.

Yes, this applies to you too

The detrimental effects of ego have been well known throughout history. Christians have long believed that pride — which is rooted in ego — is among the worst sins a person can commit. There’s a line in the New Testament letter to the Romans in which the Apostle Paul tells them:

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (Romans 12:3 NIV)

He goes on to explain to them that as individual members of a community, they have given gifts that help the community function as a body. Each member must play his or her part for the whole thing to function in a way that’s helpful to all.

The point is, you don’t deserve special treatment or success because you have talent. Even more, you don’t deserve special treatment just because you exist.

At this point you’re probably thinking this doesn’t apply to me, I don’t have a big ego. But you’re dealing with ego if you’ve ever felt the need to be

  • better than
  • recognized for
  • entitled to
  • more than

Of course, we all have those feelings from time to time. Ego is part of your life because it’s part of everyone’s life. When it becomes the driving force of any part of your life, your passion blinds you to everything and everyone else around you.

Unquestioned belief in your own specialness and importance will make you believe you don’t have to do what’s necessary to be successful.

The antidote to ego

Humility is the way forward.

The problem is that we don’t talk about humility because it isn’t exciting. It’s much more enticing to get wrapped up in what you’re passionate about, your vision, your goals, or how you’re going to make your “dent in the universe” as Steve Jobs said.

Most people believe that humility is noble and virtuous — but weak. Culture would have you think a humble person is lowly, meek, and ineffective in the world. They would have you believe humility turns you into a doormat that the strong walk over.

I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws. — Friedrich Nietzsche

So with this misconception, you lead with ego believing it to be a sign of strength.

You blindly charge forward in your relationships, your job, and your family life. You harbor the unconscious belief that the world should bow to your will because you are special. In living this way, you become your own biggest obstacle to happiness and success.

Your ego is your biggest enemy, but the antidote, humility, allows you to

  • Listen to what others are saying so that you can improve, which means you’ll earn the respect you crave.
  • Take other opinions into account so you can work together, which means you’ll create a better life.
  • Learn from people who are ahead of you so you can advance, which means you’ll go further faster.

It’s fair to say, as many others have already said, that ego means Edging God Out. Whether you believe in God or not is irrelevant. Ego makes little me the center of the great big universe. But the universe is too big to revolve around me, and it has no qualms with proving it.

So, what are some ways that we can overcome ego and lead with humility? Let’s talk about that.

Use your superpower

While you can’t fully rid yourself of ego, you don’t have to let it stay in the driver’s seat of your life. You must aggressively battle it every day. What follows are some practical ways you can put your ego in its place and lead with humility.

Fair warning, when you start putting these into practice, be ready for your ego to rage. It will insist that you don’t need to do this, you don’t have an ego problem, these practices aren’t really for you. After all, you’re special. I know this will happen because it happens to me. Don’t let your ego take any more of your life.

  • Always be a student. Rick Warren once said, “Humility is the ability to learn something from anyone.” That means everyone is your teacher. Taking the posture of a student enables you to go further faster because you aren’t too good to learn from someone else. No matter how good you are, there’s always more to learn. Be a student, not an expert.
  • Stay grateful for what you have. An attitude of gratitude is the only way to be happy. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, you won’t be grateful when you have more. The ego will always tell you that you can’t be satisfied until you have more. If you listen to it, it will drive you to to an early grave chasing after more.
  • Know when to say “enough.” Perfectionism is a form of ego. It’s rooted in a fear that if your work isn’t perfect, others will think you aren’t perfect. Ego drives you to overthink every decision so you can prove to everyone how worthy you are. In the words of Paul Gardner “A painting is never finished — it simply stops in interesting places.” Nobody’s perfect, not even you.
  • Surround yourself with highly talented people. There’s a reason the Chicago Bulls won so many championships in the 90s — they pushed each other. When you surround yourself with people who are less talented or have less commitment than you, it can feed your ego by making you feel superior to them. When you surround yourself with people of greater talent, it drives you to be better and keeps your ego in check.
  • Seek out constructive criticism. This one hurts the most — for me at least. Constructive criticism is a searing pain to your ego, but it comes from a place of caring. It is not intended to tear down. Ego thrives on the belief I’m right or I’m special, so seeking out and accepting constructive criticism stabs a knife right into ego’s withered little black heart.

Key takeaway

Your ego will prevent you from growing and making real progress in life. Humility is a superpower that can help you battle it. Whether you want to grow spiritually, in your career, relationships, finances, or anything, your ego will be there to meet you. When you put these practices into action you’ll reduce your chances of self-sabotage. And you’ll be able to gain control over your ego before it destroys your life.

Happiness
Life Lessons
Personal Development
Personal Growth
Success
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