5 Views on Sex That Will Give You A Rethink
What does sex mean to people? What do they see that you don't see?
Before writing this Medium story I first consulted the oracle. No, not Tim Denning, Google. And apparently, so do thousands upon thousands of other people on the subject of sex. People keep searching for answers to numerous questions in areas ranging from sex tips to sexual health. In fact, in the year 2020, the top 10 sex tips search terms recorded over 1.5 million hits.
Why all this curiosity about sex? What does it mean to people? There is really no one answer to the question of what sex means to everyone and there is most probably no right or wrong answer either.
In addition to a physical connection between two people, sex is also seen by some as an emotional or spiritual one. It can be a way to express love and enhance that connection. While some people firmly believe that sex (alternatively, making love) is vital to a strong and healthy relationship, others believe that such intimacy is not really necessary for a strong relationship.
Then there are those who see sex as a strong affirmation of the ideals they hold for themselves or a mere tool used for the expression of power- a means to an end. And others still, view it as something that should be completely uninhibited and freely given with no strings attached.
The following quotes highlight the differing views, approaches, estimations of the power, or limitations people have ascribed to this one act. Some you may agree with, others you may wish to dismiss as being perhaps limited or too one-dimensional, but all with some merit on some level.
1. “Software is like sex: it’s better when it’s free.”
-Linus Torvalds
Though many do believe that they should only have sexual relations with people they are in a committed relationship with, others believe that they should be able to have any type of relationship they want, with anyone they want even outside a committed relationship and without any strings attached.
There are, of course, pros and cons to this position on sex. For one thing, if all sex was free there would, naturally, be more sex! And in addition to this, the proponents of this view proclaim there would be far less drama, and they can enjoy the thrill and excitement of spontaneity without any hindrance.
On the flip side, however, you should know sex can instantly change relationship dynamics and not always for the better. Not to mention that the pursuit of free or casual sex can cause you to put yourself in potentially dangerous situations.
For those who can’t keep their emotions in check, free sex can also come at a price as some studies have shown where the data shows a correlation between casual sex and a variety of negative mental health consequences like anxiety, sadness, feeling bad about oneself, regret, depression, and poor self-esteem.
2. “You can’t force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex.”
-Mary McCarthy
You can’t! They are entirely different things. Though the two seem so closely linked and sex is often, but not always, associated with romantic love there are some key differences between the two.
Sex can be based purely on physical attraction and the merging of physical needs, while love is based on strong feelings of affection. Again, while sex can be employed just to satisfy physical needs, love is about connecting with another person on a much deeper level.
Which one is more powerful?
Between love and the need for sex, love is the more powerful emotion. In investigating the link researchers-neuroscientists, anthropologists, and social psychologists- found that sex and romantic love involved quite different brain systems and in the final analysis they declared love the winner in terms of its power over the human mind!
“On the flip side, however sex can instantly change relationship dynamics and not always for the best…”
3. “The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”
-Woody Allen
Sex can be one of the most tension-relieving activities you can engage in and ideally, it should be a time when you can freely be yourself and enjoy the company.
There are many different ways to have sex that can help relieve tension and stress. For instance, while some prefer to make love in the nude, others find intimacy and sensuality in a romantic setting to be the most effective way to relax and de-stress. Whatever your preference, the key is communication because it helps to make the experience a deeply intimate one bringing you closer to your partner and helps connect on a deeper level.
“The pursuit of free or casual sex can cause you to put yourself in potentially dangerous situations..”
4. “Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
At first look it seems like Seinfeld is just reinforcing the stereotype about men when it comes to sex- men are hyper-focused on sex that they are just rearing get off at any given minute, or two.
I admit it may seem that way but it’s not always the case. Not all men just want sex all the time and even at that some men only desire sex from people to whom they are already emotionally attached. Thus such men’s willingness to have sex is actually fueled by their desire to connect on a deeper level with their chosen partners.
5. “Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”
-John Barrymore
There are plenty of reasons why you should have sex: it feels good, it’s fun, it’s great exercise, and it’s a great way to release stress but there are also plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t. As already alluded to by Woody Allen, sex can cause a great deal of trouble: it can be dangerous, addictive, and it can get messy.
And we are not just talking about that time you got sick after sleeping with some random stranger you met at a bar because UTIs, STIs, or unwanted pregnancies are not the only unpleasant complications from having free sex with strangers. You could suffer emotionally too when you eventually get overcome with such feelings as guilt, vulnerability, or embarrassment because you exposed yourself to someone you really know or trust.
Sex has broken up families, and estranged loved ones and exposed people to blackmail, in cases of infidelity it has been known to cause both partners to experience mental health issues. If that wasn’t bad enough, illicit sex can actually shorten your life span because, as a number of studies have found, men who cheat are more likely to have heart attacks!
“You could suffer emotionally too when you eventually get overcome with such feelings as guilt, vulnerability, or embarrassment because you exposed yourself to someone you really know or trust.”
So, to sex or not to sex?
Well, this is a decision that you need to make on your own. Just think about all the factors involved: how much time it’ll take, how much pleasure you’re likely to get from it, and how much trouble it could cause for you or people you care about. So think about it carefully, and then make the choice that is best that you can live with.
“If that wasn’t bad enough, illicit sex can actually shorten your life span because, as a number of studies have found, men who cheat are more likely to have heart attacks!”
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