5 Lessons My Healing Journey Has Taught Me
#1 I’m not my ego, and I’m not my negative thoughts.
When your healing journey begins, you have no idea what a healing journey is. All you know is there’s something missing within you, and you need to find it.
Usually, what’s missing is your authentic self.
However, in order to find your authentic self, you first have to let your old self die. You have to ignore the external noise. You have to unlearn the unhealthy patterns and coping mechanisms you’ve developed. You have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions you’ve suppressed.
That’s why a healing journey is for the brave ones — those who are willing to acknowledge their wounds and do what it takes to heal them.
Here are the 5 lessons my healing journey has taught me.
1. I’m not my ego, and I’m not my negative thoughts.
One of the most valuable lessons my healing journey has taught me is that my ego is just a protection mechanism designed to keep me safe. It’s just a voice — it’s not who I truly am.
When our ego makes us feel scared, it’s usually not because we’re in danger. It’s either because we’re entering unknown territory (like a new relationship) or we’re entering a territory that we have already visited and was not very pleasant (like being rejected or cheated on). In either case, we always have to option to say “dear ego, I know you’re trying to protect me, but I’m trying to change things this time — and I’m the one who’s in charge”.
When we’re able to detach ourselves from our ego, we create space for our intuition. We create space for our true self to come up to the surface.
Our true self knows what’s good for us. It knows who supports us and who drains us. It knows when we truly want something, or when we’re chasing a goal just to be accepted.
2. Some people are simply not willing to do the healing work.
As we heal, we become aware of our unresolved emotions from the past. And then we realize this is actually a collective problem.
We realize that most of us are living on autopilot, sleepwalking through life. We’re not aware of our behavior. We may be aware of it on a superficial level, but we don’t really know where it comes from — because we don’t want to revisit past feelings and emotions.
The more inner work we do, the more we realize some people are deeply unconscious and are simply not willing to do the work. They will keep projecting their pain onto us no matter what we say or do to help them.
They’re not going to change. They’re not going to heal — and it’s not our job to force them.
3. Our relationship with our parent figures is incredibly influential.
Our relationship with our parents sets the tone for how we experience relationships as adults. If we’ve formed a secure attachment to them, we expect our relationships to be stable, supportive, and reliable.
On the other hand, if as children we didn’t receive the love we craved on a consistent basis, then it’s very difficult for us to build a strong sense of self.
In my case, this has been the most painful, yet liberating lesson of them all.
Painful because it’s incredibly difficult to recognize that the people who were supposed to be your secure base are actually dysfunctional. Liberating because once you accept this truth, you’re able to make conscious decisions without being overly attached to your family’s expectations.
Only you know how you feel about your parents. What I can say is, make sure you’re giving yourself permission to feel how you truly feel, not how you think you should feel about your family.
(If this is something you’re struggling with, my Self-Healing Workbook will help you and guide you through the process!)
4. We don’t need to do anything in order to be anything.
We live in a society that glorifies those who are constantly hustling, moving from one place to the next checking every item on their to-do lists.
Well, I used to be this person, and I was completely miserable. Looking back now, it’s clear to me that I carried a very deep, subconscious belief that my worth was based on my achievements. Unfortunately, I was not alone — this is another collective problem.
Your healing journey will teach you that you are worthy just as you are. There’s nothing to prove. There’s no one to impress. You don’t need to do anything in order to be anything. You can just be — be yourself, be present, be human. That’s what makes you valuable and irreplaceable.
5. My inner child is real and needs my attention.
Inner child work was the catalyst for my healing journey, and I’m beyond proud of myself for having the courage to give it a try.
It can be so scary and painful to revisit your childhood and become aware of childhood wounds you didn’t even know existed. But it’s so, so worth it.
“As a child, you probably did plenty of things just for fun. You didn’t have to do them, you just wanted to. But you might have a hard time recalling the last time you did something in your adult life simply because it made you happy.
Creative activities like coloring, doodling, or painting can help, too. When you let your active mind rest, emotions you usually don’t consider can surface in your art, through your fingertips.
Some of these emotions might tie into buried or forgotten parts of self, such as your inner child.”
Crystal Raypole, in Finding And Getting To Know Your Inner Child
A healing journey takes you back to who you were before you were conditioned to act and think a certain way. It takes you back to your true needs and desires.
Most importantly, your healing journey will never be over. It will be slow and steady, with many stages, challenges, and obstacles.
I trust you and I know you’re brave enough to move through them, no matter how hard it gets.
Keep going. I’m so proud of you.