avatarEmma Austin

Summary

The article discusses the personal and intimate reasons why one might choose masturbation over sex, emphasizing the benefits of self-pleasure for physical release, self-exploration, variety in sexual experiences, and personal connection.

Abstract

The author of the article shares a personal journey from feeling guilty about masturbating while in a marriage to embracing it as a valuable and enjoyable part of her sexual life. She outlines five key reasons for choosing masturbation: the need for a physical release without the desire for sex, the opportunity to explore one's own body and sexual responses, the chance to experiment with new sensations and toys, the addition of variety to a couple's sexual repertoire through mutual masturbation, and the act of self-care and personal grounding that masturbation can provide. The article emphasizes that masturbation is a legitimate choice that doesn't need to be justified or seen as inferior to partnered sex.

Opinions

  • Masturbation can serve as a means for physical release without the need for sexual desire, particularly useful during periods of low libido.
  • Self-pleasure allows for a deeper understanding of one's own body and the specifics of what feels good, which can be difficult to pinpoint during partnered sex.
  • Masturbation provides a safe and private space for sexual exploration and experimentation with new techniques or toys without the pressure of a partner's presence.
  • Mutual masturbation can add excitement and variety to a couple's sex life, offering a different form of intimacy and connection.
  • The author views masturbation as a form of self-care, akin to other pampering activities, that can improve mood and provide emotional grounding.
  • The article challenges the notion that sex should be prioritized over masturbation, asserting that masturbation is a valid and enjoyable choice on its own merits.
  • The author stresses that open communication with her husband about masturbation helped alleviate guilt and led to a healthier, more open sexual relationship.

5 Good Reasons to Masturbate Instead of Having Sex

Ditch the guilt and enjoy yourself

Photo by: Milka_Z / Shutterstock

I used to feel guilty about masturbating.

It’s not because I thought it was wrong or shameful or anything like that. It’s because I was married.

Every time I decided to get myself off, I felt like it was almost insulting to my husband. I worried about him finding out because I was sure he’d be upset that I was doing it instead of having sex with him.

That’s one of the hard parts about being the one with the lower libido in a relationship. There’s a lot of pointless guilt.

It took me a long time to get to a place where I could be completely comfortable deciding to masturbate instead of having sex.

It started when Mr. Austin and I started communicating about sex more openly. When the subject of masturbation came up, I could express my feelings about it. I could talk about how it’s something I enjoy, and that I miss doing it when I don’t have any opportunities to indulge in it.

I had the space and time to articulate why it mattered to me, and he gave me some reassurance by making it clear he was fine with it.

Around that time, I also improved my masturbation game.

For years, I treated masturbation as a means to an end. I would find a little break in the day, sneak away, and make myself come as quickly as I could.

But once I started being open about it with my husband, I didn’t have to be so secretive. I could just ask for privacy, lock the bedroom door, and take my time.

Masturbation became about the pleasure of touching myself, not just the payoff at the end. That made me appreciate it a lot more. It also helped me see that it’s not just something you do when you can’t fuck — it’s something worth doing for its own sake.

That revelation washed away the rest of the guilt. It showed me that there are plenty of good reasons to masturbate even when you could be having sex. These are the biggest ones for me.

1. Just the Physical Release, Please

Sometimes, I like to masturbate because my needs are more physical than sexual.

There are just those times when I want the physical and emotional release that comes from having an orgasm but I don’t have a desire to have sex.

I feel that way for about a week every month, during a period I refer to as my fall. My sex drive stalls, and I start feeling kind of down.

I don’t feel a lot of sexual desire, but I still make time to get myself off because the physical release and the little hormonal boost it gives me helps with my anxiety, my cranky moods, and my restless nights.

2. Exploring My Body

It might sound weird, but sometimes I can’t tell what my husband is doing to me when we’re fucking.

I know it in broad strokes. I know his tongue is on my pussy, his fingers are inside me, or his cock is fucking me. I know when it feels really fucking good. But if you ask me exactly how he uses his tongue, how he moves his fingers, or how he’s angling his cock, I’m not always sure.

I’m too focused on the sensations to pay close attention to the mechanics.

When I’m by myself, I have to concentrate on both. I get to learn exactly what it takes to get my body to feel certain ways. I’m fully aware of what my fingers are doing, what the angle my toys are in, how much pressure I’m applying, and every other little variable that makes a big difference.

That also means I can be really precise with the stimulation I give myself. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is amazingly skilled at pleasuring me. But I’m the only one who knows exactly how I feel. So, when I’m getting myself off, I can adjust the speed and pressure to give myself the exact kind of sensation I want.

3. Trying New Things

Solo play is also a really good time to experiment and try out new things.

I explored edging by doing it to myself first. I trained my body to have multiple orgasms on my own, too.

And unless they’re specifically designed for couple, I always try my sex toys by myself before using them with my husband. I want to get a good sense of what they’re like, what they can do, and all the different ways they can feel.

I can also give myself a safe space to test out my limits. I could see how deep I could comfortably use my thruster, or how fast I could set it before it got to be too much.

I could use my butt plug with the thruster so I could get used to those two sensations at once.

I can take all the time I need when I’m using toys that have a learning curve or need a lot of precision to use.

And I can do it all without worrying that my husband is going to get bored while I try to figure out all the different settings on a toy. I get to work through all that trial and error without worrying about making things awkward. I can play with my toys in any position I want, without feeling self-conscious about how I look.

4. Adding Variety to My Sex Life

I’m a big fan of mutual masturbation. Usually, I prefer fucking my husband, but once in a while it’s nice to just lie next to each other and take care of ourselves.

It’s like another sex act and a way to switch things up. Sometimes, we might use toys, we might only do oral, or we might do a night with just anal play — and sometimes we don’t touch each other at all.

We get to put on a show for each other and share in a really intimate act. It’s a really refreshing thing to do once in a while and it feels like it brings us closer even though we’re not actually having sex.

5. Connecting with Myself

Masturbation is also a way for me to connect with myself and feel more grounded. I use it as a form of self-care, like doing a face mask or taking a bubble bath.

I might do it to cheer myself up when I’m not feeling my best or to recharge when I’m emotionally exhausted.

I’ll give myself a really good setup. I’ll watch whatever porn I feel like watching or I’ll listen to audio porn that speaks to my personal kinks. I’ll lay out lube and sex toys. I’ll get comfortable, take my time, and make a whole experience out of it.

It’s a little bit of pampering for me (and my pussy).

Don’t Put Sex on a Pedestal

Sex is fucking great, but there’s no need to put it on a pedestal. It’s fine to choose masturbation over it.

Maybe you need a little bit of me time, so you spend a while with your vibrator instead of your partner.

Or you’re too busy for the flirting and seduction you need to work yourself up to the right mood.

Sometimes you might just miss it. Masturbation is fun, so even when you prefer having sex, it’s nice to revisit it regularly.

But it doesn’t really matter because you don’t need an excuse. It took me years to realize it, but it’s actually just plain fine to choose masturbation over sex. There’s no reason to feel fret over it or feel guilty. If a little jilling off is what you’re in the mood for, don’t question it. Just find a cozy, quiet place and give yourself exactly what you need.

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