5 Devastating Reasons a Narcissist Tells You to Walk Away
Don’t’ romanticize it. None of them are good.
The narcissist you’re with tells you to “walk away.”
Maybe they throw in, “I’m not any good for you,” or “I’ll only hurt you,” for good measure.
Maybe they say it with tears in their eyes.
Here’s what you think it means
The narcissist is self-aware enough to know they’re going to do or say something hurtful. The narcissist loves you so much they’d never want to hurt you. They are protecting you.
Sounds like a movie romance, but far from the truth.
When a narcissist tells you to walk away, it’s a huge red flag and one that is best heeded.
#1 The narcissist is demonstrating poor emotional and relationship skills
Telling you to do anything is not acceptable. Commands, rather than polite requests, are a way of exerting power and control.
- Walk away.
- Stop talking.
- Drop it.
Isn’t that boundary setting you say? Here’s an easy way to tell. Healthy boundary setting is framed around the person setting the boundary.
- I need a little space.
- I need to take a break from this conversation.
- I can’t discuss this right now.
Even when you need to take a firm stance in setting or enforcing a boundary, the command is about you or your things.
- Take your hand off my ass.
- Put my phone down.
- Get out of my house.
The narcissist’s command to walk away is not about them. It’s about controlling you.
#2 The narcissist is testing you
If the narcissist tells you to walk away and you beg to stay, you have devalued yourself for their benefit. You look weak and pathetic in their eyes. When they desire more power and control over you, they know what works.
If the narcissist tells you to walk away and you do, they will initially be angry, but will ultimately consider you worthy of the chase. They will hoover you, punish you, tell you they love you, devalue you, offer a false apology, discard you, at a rate so rapid your head will spin.
#3 The narcissist is strengthening your trauma bond
The intermittent reinforcement of pushing you away, then pulling you back in strengthens the bond. It’s like strengthening a muscle.
Strengthening this bond will allow the narcissist to devalue you more severely and will encourage you to devalue yourself — all of which makes them feel power and control, thus getting massive amounts of narcissistic supply.
#4 The narcissist is setting up a situation where you “deserve” your devaluation
Narcissists are known for words that don’t match their actions, such as “I’m so sorry I hurt you,” then doing the same thing 5 minutes later.
In this strategy their words don’t match their actions, but the pattern is different enough, you may not notice.
“I don’t want a serious relationship,” followed by wanting to see you every day and telling you how much they love you and how they’ve never met anyone like you.
When you are confused and hurt later, they feign innocence as they “told” you from the beginning what they wanted.
Telling you to walk away, allows them to wash their hands of the pain they ultimately know they’ll cause you, because you were warned.
#5 The narcissist has demoded you as a source of supply
The narcissist has found a new primary source of supply and is ready for you to go. You’re crimping their style, getting in the way of their new relationship.
They want to hurt you on your way out — bonus supply for them.
Are you devaluing yourself?
Seriously ask yourself this question, then be open to seeing the answer.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has told you to walk away, you are devaluing yourself.
You deserve better.
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.
Recommended for you: How Do You Subconsciously Crave a Narcissist’s Shaming and Abuse? and How to Set Healthy Boundaries
