5 Common Things Women Imagine Men Find Attractive Vs. Reality

Ladies, don’t be fooled!

1. An oversexualized presence

Despite popular opinion, men are not these simpletons who keel over at the sight of low cleavage.

Sure, they’ll look and even touch if you let them, but if that’s all you have to bring to the table, you’ll be eating alone. Skimpy clothes will get you attention (from both sexes!), but they won’t keep it.

A highly sexualized attitude will also drive men away.

Men have been presented (and presented themselves) as being crazy about sex and anything that has to do with it. You’d think they want a woman to be sexually forward and offer her body every which way. But they really don’t.

Imagine a man who is constantly making sexual advances. Pretty off-putting, right? Women and men aren’t so different in this regard. Sexuality shoved in someone’s face without an invitation is aggressive and out of place.

Remember Meredith from The Office? That’s what men don’t like.

PS: just as a side personal note, I love Meredith’s open and spontaneous nature and her love of everything sex, but men don’t. I wish things were different, but we work with what we have.

2. Looks over personality

The beauty industry made women believe that men are all about looks. Big boobs? Yes, that’s how you attract a man! Red lips and flawless skin? Oh yeah, men love those.

Wrong! Men love those for about a week and then they need what all human beings need: to interact with another human being, not a plastic doll.

While physical attributes are attractive, they are also short-term. The great majority of men won’t be in a long-term relationship with a woman for her big breasts.

They will do it if their personalities match, though.

Just like women, emotionally healthy men are looking for a partner who is also emotionally healthy and has the attributes to prove it: kindness, generosity of spirit, and treating him and others with respect and compassion.

A good body will attract looks, a good personality will attract hearts.

3. Perfection

Women have been conditioned for centuries to strive for perfection, especially in front of men. Their roles as wives and mothers prepared them for relationship tasks more than anything else. They needed to be a good cook, a future good mother, kind, pretty, attentive, and amiable.

All these qualities are still appreciated, but men are looking for actual life partners, not only maids and service suppliers. Someone they can laugh with, someone they can rely on when things get tough. They’re not looking for smiling machines. Not the good ones, anyway.

Ladies, don’t try to be everything. You will fail and at the same time feel incredibly guilty. Raising a healthy family together takes equal commitment to family life and everything that comes with it.

A man who is looking for perfection in a woman is not looking to contribute to your life together. He just wants an exotic animal that he can play with from time to time and then forget about it.

Don’t be anyone’s pet. Be an equal partner or nothing at all.

4. Playing dumb

Playing dumb is not cute, it’s not endearing, it’s not anything else but… well, dumb. It’s true that some men are into dumb women, but trust me, you don’t want those. They’re insecure and patriarchal. You’ll be living with constant mansplaining and being treated like a child that needs steady guidance.

And you can’t blame him for it either. That’s what you were advertising: that you are not in control of your own life and need to be treated like a person who is not yet mature. A child needs constant guidance and doesn’t get any respect from adults.

Believe me, you don’t want the men who are into that.

For the emotionally healthy men out there it’s no fun to constantly have to baby someone who is ditsy, whiny, insecure, silly, or a brat. A smart confident man who wants to be in a relationship based on equality is looking for a smart confident woman.

5. Playing hard to get

While men do like a challenge, don’t make that challenge as steep as climbing Mount Everest. Few people go for that and once they climbed it and put their flag on top of that much-coveted peak, they’re done with it. The mountain has been conquered. Off to another!

You don’t want men who want you because you’re a challenge or a trophy. You want the ones who want you because you’re a good match.

You know the saying: ‘Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get’? What it means is: have your own life, do your own things, and have interests, goals, and passions. When a man comes along and his life is a good fit with yours, great! Accept him while keeping your life. He also gets to keep his. Neither loses themselves in the relationship. That’s the real hard to get. No games. A real and authentic relationship.

An emotionally healthy man is not into endless chases. He will either see through your game and deem you too immature for him or think you are not interested and lose interest himself.

A quality man won’t chase forever. He knows his worth just like you know yours.

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