SATIRE | HUMOR

5 Celebrities You Would Never Suspect of Being Kung Fu Masters in Real Life

OK, some celebrities like Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Keanu Reeves, you’d figure, must know at least some martial art skills. However, you’d never suspect these five of being martial artists in real life (IRL).

You may have seen something similar to this online, but if you read that one, you must read two, then click to read two more, and click, click, click through adds and other garbage.

This is not even the first time this subject has neen broached on Medium:

So, I decided to take the opposite approach and write about some celebrities you wouldn’t think were martial artists.

Though you’d expect Michelle Yeoh to have some martial arts training, she says she doesn’t. She claims her flexibility from years of dancing makes it easy to perform the moves and stances necessary to look realistic.

Many of her fans would agree with that after 40 years of many kung fu roles, like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Tai Chi Master, Reign of Assassins, and too many more to list.

BTW, the image above is not MS Yeoh but a wax statue of her at Madame Tussaud’s. Did you catch that?

By the way, Michelle Yeoh is Time Magazine 2022 Icon of the Year.

What was your favorite Michelle Yeoh role? Let me know in the comments.

Everything Everywhere All at Once | Official Trailer HD | A24

#1 — Jennifer Aniston

So, of the three female Friends, you might suspect Monica had some kung fu skills. I mean, she’s wiry and strong, but Rachel?

Actually, yes. Monica or Courtney Cox Arquette, now Courteney Bass Cox, introduced Jennifer Aniston to Budokon, “the way of the spiritual warrior.” So, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

Several commenters noticed the uncanny resemblance to David Schwimmer, Ross on Friends, and wondered if he copped some beers while there to marry Emily.

“It hasn’t been his day, his week, his month or even his beer…,” joked one contributor.

“How did he manage to take that unnoticed?” asked Tommy Dunsmuir. “Was someone on a break?”

The Dumfries Galloway Police jokingly replied, “We have investigated this matter thoroughly and have confirmed that David Schwimmer was in America on this date.”

“We’re so sorry it has to be this way.”

However, “…if you see him keep away, he is known to have studied Kara-té and we believe he has mastered the art of Unagi, the state of total awareness.”

Friends 617 “The One with Unagi”

#2 — Jessica Alba

Many of her TV and movie roles, such as Beverly Hills 90210 and Love Boat: The Next Wave, would not give you the impression that she dabbles in the martial arts.

However, she is currently into the very violent martial art of Krav Maga. She says, “It’s brutal, it’s fast, it’s to the point, and it was fun to do!”

She’s not only a 40-year-old mother and businesswoman, but she can also defend herself quite well.

Jessica Alba Failed Her Vegan Hiking Detox Getaway | The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

#3 — Kevin James

Yes, I am serious. Kevin James, The King of Queens and Paul Blart: Mall Cop star is a martial artist.

While training for his movie, Here Comes the Boom, he realized he liked martial arts and was actually quite good at it.

Although he says they probably took it easy on him, after 14 months of training with some of the best in the Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) industry, he got in pretty good shape and became proficient in MMA.

HERE COMES THE BOOM — Official Trailer

#4 — Ed O’Neill

Yes, that’s right, the Married with Children and Modern Family star is a martial arts enthusiast. Well, actually more than an enthusiast, he is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu.

Did you know Ed was signed by the Pittsburgh Steelers as an undrafted free agent (UFA) in 1969 but was cut in training camp.

BTW, his competition was L.C. Greenwood and “Mean Joe” Greene, who went on to become perennial All-Stars on the Steel Curtain, Pittsburgh’s Defensive Line.

MODERN FAMILY The Final Season Official Trailer (HD) Ed O’Neil

#5 — Jack Black

That’s right, Thomas Jacob “Jack” Black of Santa Monica, CA, and star of the movies School of Rock and Jumanji is a comedic genius, but he’s also quite capable with martial arts.

He studied judo and some other martial arts for Kung Fu Panda. Although his role was just a voice-over for the animation, he found he enjoyed martial arts training and decided to keep training after his role.

Check out this trailer with a monologue by Jack.

Kung Fu Panda 1- Original Jack Black Trailer HD

Final Thoughts

So, you never know who might hide martial arts skills behind their otherwise calm or comedic appearance. Like they say, “don’t judge a book by its cover.”

Here are three recent articles of mine you might enjoy:

Stephen Dalton is a retired US Army First Sergeant with a degree in journalism from the University of Maryland and a Certified US English Chicago Manual of Style Editor. Also, a Top Writer in Business, Sports, Nutrition, Investing, Travel, Fiction, Transportation, VR, NFL, Design, Creativity, and Short Story.

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