4 Tips To Help You Find Your Authentic Self

From Childhood Memories and Teenage Trauma to the “I don’t give a f*ck” adult stage of life

There is a period in life between the carefree stage of being a curious child and two (plus) decades into adulthood where we are afraid to take ownership of who we are, also to be referred to as the carefree child and the “I don’t give a f*ck” adult stages.

In between these stages, others try tell to you that they know you better than you know yourself. Such external influences are deflating.

Instead, external influence should offer a point of reflection and inspiration to discover what we like and what we want more of from life. Yes — it IS possible for external influences to have such a powerful impact.

Learning more about yourself is a worthwhile exercise. I am here to tell you, or remind you, that discovering the “essential you” is a welcome endeavour.

It’s a journey many of us are taking, like Art Bram for example, who shares about his turning to loving himself UNCONDITIONALLY at age 68.

I am emerging on the “I don’t give a f*uck adult” side of the journey — and it’s freeing.

Childhood Memories and Teenage Trauma

As a child, most days were spent at the pool with the swim team, my extended family, and weekends at meets travelling across the region.

When not at the pool, I was venturing through a forest with my older brothers building forts or on the water fishing and crabbing for hours on end.

Other times, I was tumbling down a hill in an innertube or climbing things I shouldn’t — getting a few stitches along the way.

Then, I got separated from my friends and lost all sense of confidence nearly overnight.

Early gastrointestinal systems began, however with a lacking communication system between me and my parents, it wasn’t until a few years later that my intestine ruptured and the tumours were removed in what my doctor called “a blood mess” in every definition.

After the initial recovery, another beast emerged: bulimia. A 10-year battle that I am proud to stay is long is a distant memory.

Between those health battles, I broke my neck. This past summer, more than 20 years after the accident, I dove into the water for the first time — in the middle of a lake. It was glorious!

Breaking my neck took away my ability to swim as it was familiar to me. I lost something that once defined me.

There are many years and stories in between until becoming a parent (I’ll need to save those for another day). Of course, the chapters of parenting are books onto themselves, but this is a part of my story and helped me navigate to the next — and most empowering stage of life.

The “I don’t give a f*ck adult” Phase of Life

This doesn’t mean we don’t care. For me, this means I no longer give attention to the perceptions of others OVER my values.

It’s the period where one’s priorities are in order — always.

As I reflect on some of the milestone moments from my carefree childhood, I am filled with warmth and happiness. Medical traumas transformed much of my life; however, they also helped me to enter this truly remarkable phase because I have a safe place to come back to with my family — and I want the same for my children.

Most days, my parents and I talk on the phone, at least twice, and we see each other every week. Even my brothers who live across provinces, do the same. By owning who I am, I make it a priority to check in with my parents and brothers regularly — and my behaviours in this aspect of my life influence how I show up to work and am present for my friends.

“What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think — or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?” — Brene Brown

Entering this chapter is built on a foundation of knowing and owning who you are. If you have not yet entered this phase, I have some good news for you. Through my lived experience, I can offer you this…

You know yourself better than anyone else.

You don’t need another person’s permission to follow your heart — to do what feels right to you, and what feeds and nourishes your soul.

“If I wouldn’t invite someone into my house, I shouldn’t let them into my head.” — Unknown

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

Surprise yourself by taking risks. Take on things that you’ve been afraid to do previously because of a fear of failure, embarrassment or not being good enough. You’ll learn something new, even if the lesson comes in a form different than you imagined — that’s actually the beauty in it!

“Do Not Lie to Yourself. We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Surround yourself with those who lift you up.

Spend time with people who celebrate you. Limit relationships that pull you down and invest in those who are on a like-minded path to uplift, inspire, listen and cheer you on.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through. — Karl Marx

Reflect on your purpose.

A reason for being — or purpose is a great way to remind yourself of who you are. Reflecting on your purpose keeps your lines of sight on a path forward and allows you to take ownership of who you are at your core — embrace the opportunity!

“Live the Life of Your Dreams: Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams according to your vision and purpose instead of the expectations and opinions of others.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Takeaways

There is so much more to a person than we can truly ever get to know; however, values will emerge and behind them are hundreds of influential, often untold, stories.

When you have the privilege to get to know the stories behind a person, that feeds the human connection. You’ll think to yourself, “ahhhh, that’s why I see this aspect of them” — and, guess what, you’ll learn a lot more about yourself in the process as well.

Writing this is the first time I made the connection between the relationship I have with my parents today and what I define as my purpose in life — to create a safe space for my children to always come back to.

Trust me, the journey to get here with my parents was absolutely tumultuous (another story for another day).

Letting go of perceptions and the over-analysis of what others think is a journey — not a destination.

This reality comes with varied views and spectacular scenery — provided you take some time to pause, reflect and take it all in.

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