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ably am.For most of my life, beginning in my childhood, I struggled with my sense of self-worth. It was as if every morning when I got dressed, I placed a sheet of paper covered with the words “I’m not good enough” into my jeans pocket. Not the most cheerful way to start my day.Well, that was then and this is now. Today, I’m thrilled to say that the words written on that sheet of paper would be quite different. ”I’m perfectly fine exactly as I am” hits the mark.Now that’s a gloriously self-affirming way to begin each new day.Yes, I still have those moments when the “I’m not good enough” thought pops into my head, but I’m happy to say that it’s far less frequent and I handle it much better than I used to. I can see the thought for what it is, which is typically no more than my mind reverting back to habitual ways of thinking. If I don’t pay the thought any attention, it goes away … at least most of the time.If I run across a self-critical thought that is particularly sticky, the new me is willing to question it with curiosity and self-compassion. The old me blindly bought into it as absolute unalterable truth.I feel like a little kid who goes off on a walk and magically stumbles upon an amusement park just around the block that has the best rides ever … all for free. And this little kid is dying to share his joy with all of his friends by grasping their hands and taking them to the park.It’s no coincidence my mind conjured up the amusement park analogy. That’s because as a child, every year on my birthday, my dad took me to Coney Island Amusement park. It was the best day of every year, hands down. On most days, my father barely noticed me. On this day, I was special. I had my father’s undivided attention and added to that, all those fun rides to go on.<figure id="fbba"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*9XUPo2zmESZRhJxQ"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@2photopots?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">2Photo Pots</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&u

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tm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>As joyful as each birthday was, as exhilarating as it was riding on the Cyclone roller coaster (otherwise known as the mother of all coasters), it doesn’t compare to the joy I’m experiencing today.That’s because I only have one birthday a year, but I get to celebrate being me each and every day.That neatly sums up my wish for you.Before I leave the amusement park for the day, here are a few words that I hope you will find helpful if you’re struggling with loving yourself.<ul><li>Regardless of how down you are on yourself, regardless of how big a mistake you think you may have made, you deserve unconditional self-love — no ifs, ands, or buts.</li><li>Even if you have no clue why you’re struggling with loving yourself, I promise you that there are good reasons behind it. You just haven’t discovered them yet. Once you do, it will help ease your struggles.</li><li>You don’t need to figure out the reasons on your own. If you can, that’s great. If not, then get help, such as psychotherapy. I did, and I don’t even want to think about where I would be if I hadn’t.</li><li>Also, consider attending 12-step meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACOA). During these meetings, you’ll have the opportunity to give voice to your struggles with loving yourself, knowing you are among people who relate and care about you. I attend these meetings regularly, and they’ve been immensely helpful.</li><li>There is always hope, as long as you don’t expect a quick fix. You can and will eventually learn to replace your negative self-talk with the loving self- talk you so richly deserve. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s a lot more pleasant than when you learned the negative self-talk to begin with.</li></ul>If you’re struggling with self-love, I hope my words have been encouraging. You deserve to love yourself unconditionally. It’s your birthright. It’s not something you need to earn or get permission from anybody to feel.With all my heart, I wish you well in your journey.Art</article></body>

I’ve Finally Learned to Love Myself Unconditionally at Age 68

I wish the same for you — you deserve it.

Apparently, the four decades or so I’ve been in therapy are finally paying off — big time.

I could pick myself apart by questioning what the hell took me so long, but I’m happy to say my self-judgment days are over. Judging myself only gets in the way of loving myself — been there, done that.

So bye-bye, self-judgment. Hello, accepting-myself-just-as-I-am! (I just caught my heart smiling as I was keying in those words.)

I feel as if I’ve been reborn, that my 68-year-old body and brain get to time travel back to being a child, but this time with a fresh and healthy start. No longer am I burdened by the emotional wounds that held me back from embracing myself with the unconditional self-love I deserved all along.

It gets even better. I’ve recently retired. I now have all the time in the world to play, to have fun, to do whatever nourishes my soul — writing and music being at the top of that list.

So, here is what I’m blessed to have: self-love, not having to get up in the morning to go to work, being happily married to a beautiful loving woman, and being physically healthy. Lordy be, I’ve hit the trifecta plus one.

The totally coolest thing about loving myself unconditionally is knowing I don’t have to be perfect. No longer do I have to compare myself to anybody and come out on top, or constantly monitor everything I do and say because (god forbid) I ever make a mistake.

That’s a whole bunch of sh*t I can let go of. As in the 1970s Alka Seltzer commercial which you young ones out there probably never heard of …

“Plop-plop, fizz-fizz, oh what a relief it is.”

What a relief it is to let go of the daily burden of questioning whether I’m good enough. How sweet it is to know that I unquestionably am.

For most of my life, beginning in my childhood, I struggled with my sense of self-worth. It was as if every morning when I got dressed, I placed a sheet of paper covered with the words “I’m not good enough” into my jeans pocket. Not the most cheerful way to start my day.

Well, that was then and this is now. Today, I’m thrilled to say that the words written on that sheet of paper would be quite different. ”I’m perfectly fine exactly as I am” hits the mark.

Now that’s a gloriously self-affirming way to begin each new day.

Yes, I still have those moments when the “I’m not good enough” thought pops into my head, but I’m happy to say that it’s far less frequent and I handle it much better than I used to. I can see the thought for what it is, which is typically no more than my mind reverting back to habitual ways of thinking. If I don’t pay the thought any attention, it goes away … at least most of the time.

If I run across a self-critical thought that is particularly sticky, the new me is willing to question it with curiosity and self-compassion. The old me blindly bought into it as absolute unalterable truth.

I feel like a little kid who goes off on a walk and magically stumbles upon an amusement park just around the block that has the best rides ever … all for free. And this little kid is dying to share his joy with all of his friends by grasping their hands and taking them to the park.

It’s no coincidence my mind conjured up the amusement park analogy. That’s because as a child, every year on my birthday, my dad took me to Coney Island Amusement park. It was the best day of every year, hands down. On most days, my father barely noticed me. On this day, I was special. I had my father’s undivided attention and added to that, all those fun rides to go on.

As joyful as each birthday was, as exhilarating as it was riding on the Cyclone roller coaster (otherwise known as the mother of all coasters), it doesn’t compare to the joy I’m experiencing today.

That’s because I only have one birthday a year, but I get to celebrate being me each and every day.

That neatly sums up my wish for you.

Before I leave the amusement park for the day, here are a few words that I hope you will find helpful if you’re struggling with loving yourself.

Regardless of how down you are on yourself, regardless of how big a mistake you think you may have made, you deserve unconditional self-love — no ifs, ands, or buts.
Even if you have no clue why you’re struggling with loving yourself, I promise you that there are good reasons behind it. You just haven’t discovered them yet. Once you do, it will help ease your struggles.
You don’t need to figure out the reasons on your own. If you can, that’s great. If not, then get help, such as psychotherapy. I did, and I don’t even want to think about where I would be if I hadn’t.
Also, consider attending 12-step meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACOA). During these meetings, you’ll have the opportunity to give voice to your struggles with loving yourself, knowing you are among people who relate and care about you. I attend these meetings regularly, and they’ve been immensely helpful.
There is always hope, as long as you don’t expect a quick fix. You can and will eventually learn to replace your negative self-talk with the loving self- talk you so richly deserve. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s a lot more pleasant than when you learned the negative self-talk to begin with.

If you’re struggling with self-love, I hope my words have been encouraging. You deserve to love yourself unconditionally. It’s your birthright. It’s not something you need to earn or get permission from anybody to feel.

With all my heart, I wish you well in your journey.

Art