4 Effective Communication Lessons From Buddha That Will Challenge Your Lifelong Learning
Do you pretend or stay silent to hide who you are?
Do you pretend or stay silent to hide who you are?
We all have our inner demons. Unfortunately, we’re too weak to cage our demons.
Our demons wander around freely. Our monsters mislead, baffle, and motivate us toward lust and luxuries. That’s why we often end up communicating the wrong way. The book “Would Buddha Say” by Buddhist scholar Barbara Ann Kipfer made me think about how our sanity plays with us.
We suffer to say the right thing and maintain proper communication. Much is at stake because whatever we say doesn’t carry weight.
If you don’t know the practical speech tips, chances are, you’re going to waste (one more) decade of your life giving a confusing impression to people.
If that’s not what you want, below are 4 Buddhist speech teachings that will change your perspective on effective communication.
1. The voice is your second face
I hate this:
- One mistake washes your previous good deeds
- One bad statement washes your years of friendship
Until I entered professional life, I always thought I had ample chances. But in physical communication, you only get “one” opportunity to earn your footmark and say the right thing. When meeting new people, most beginners are scared and end up oversaying or lying.
As Barbara Ann Kipfer, the author, believes:
“If you get caught in a lie, it will be assumed that it is not the first lie that you tell.”
Lying is sticky. Once you say a bad thing, it’s hard to reinstate your statement and accept your fault.
The consequence of lying is challenging.
What to do?
Simple: you don’t lie.
(I wish it were that simple)
I had a difficult life too. I know you have to lie sometimes to save yourself. But here’s what I learned:
- You lie to some people.
Don’t make lying your habit. Lie only because someone is a stranger and you’re afraid to disclose all your information.
Don’t lie on a large scale. Be truthful to people close to you: your friends, family, siblings, and co-workers.
2. Always do this
Hear me out: Do this.
Which one sounds better? If you need clarification, the second sounds good to the ears.
Do you know why? Because we all have been taught to use adverbs like “firstly, secondly, always, sadly” to give weight to our statements. But these words do the opposite.
Adverbs remove volume from your messages. As Barbara Ann Kipfer believes:
“Avoid using “should” and absolutes like “never,” “always,” and “every.” Absolutes are hot-button words that can easily shut down the other person’s willingness to listen.”
Adverbs are also known as “buying timing statements.” People who use adverbs are thinking their way through the conversation. Instead, speak clearly and in a concise manner.
What to do?
Grammarly changed my life.
Since Covid, most of my dealings have been online, and sending messages and responding to emails has become my day-to-day ginger. Grammarly helped me remove unwanted words, dangling modifiers, and choppy sentences.
In other words, Grammarly made me a diplomatic communicator. It isn’t too late now — you can also use Grammarly to enhance your normal communication.
In the meantime, follow these practices:
- Assemble your answer when the other person is talking.
- If you are unable to settle on an answer, buy time using phrases like “Okay, “tell me more.” etc.
Use these practices to turn from an ordinary speaker to a diplomatic one. Make Benjamin Franklin proud.
3. Responding to critics
Imagine:
“You’re in your 40s and own a small farm in the countryside. Some buyers visited your land and mocked how small your field is compared to your neighbors.”
Here’s what you do: stay quiet and listen.
But as per Barbara, this is not an acceptable Buddhist technique. You must not suffer in silence just because someone decided to threaten your words and presence.
Barbara Ann Kipfer provided a solution:
“Summarizing is a technique that sends the subliminal message, ‘I am repeating what I think you said because I want to understand your viewpoint.’”
Most times, the person talking shit about you says it in a low-tone voice that only you get to hear. By summarizing techniques, you make it clear that you’re offended, and every person in the room understands your reason for becoming offended.
What to do?
The above Buddhist technique is by far the best (I have ever heard.)
From now on, you don’t need to swear to secrecy. You can now talk face-to-face with whoever says sh*t about you.
The technique: summarize what they said+ add the spice.
In the farmer’s scenario, something like this.
“I am repeating what I think you said because I want to understand your viewpoint. You said my farm is too small, to begin with compared to my neighbor. But aren’t we illogical creatures?: wanting to buy something soo out of our financial league? I get you, man.”
(Burned)
4. Become a policeman
You don’t dare tell me police officers don’t have a heart. Deep down, they also want to say things, cry, and gossip. But when there’s an accident, you don’t hear police gossiping.
You hear police trying to get information out of people.
As Barbara Ann Kipfer believes:
“When you get into a conversation with someone, stay away from your agenda. Ask a few questions that begin with “why,” “what,” or how to to get the other person talking.”
When talking to new people, most of us only talk about ourselves. Not everything is about you. Discover the person’s interest and genuinely take part in their chatter.
My mom made her way to the high-class community center by following this simple technique: let other people talk. Most people want to unload their hearts. This also gives you a shortcut to becoming their friends without doing anything extra.
What to do?
As Zeno of Citium says:
“We have two ears and only one mouth to listen more and speak less.”
But here’s the thing:
- With listening: you make friends
- With speaking: you lose friends.
As a tip, if you want to impress people higher than your league, start listening to them, and be interested in them. By hearing them, you’ll uncover many facts about the person.
Then, use this information to tailor your story.
For example, if you realize how the HR manager of Google you just met is interested in sports, tailor your lifestyle around sports. So when the HR asks you: “so where do you come from? What’s your story?” use sports as the center of attraction.
This technique is the same as updating your resume depending on the job requirements.
Final thoughts:
Close your lips and say something.
Can you? If you can’t, that’s exactly what you need to do to make friends. Start by saying nothing at all.
You’ll squeeze your mouth shut if you ever realize how many friends a person makes by saying (nothing.)
Maybe that’s why Buddha had so much impact even though he wasn’t. a politician or a TEDx speaker. This means there’s more to winning this life than you ever thought.
(I wish you a good night’s sleep today with all these thoughts roaming around your mind)
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