Crush Humor
35 Ways To Ask Your Crush Out
Would you like to break my heart? If you’re free on Tuesday that is?
Isn’t it magical to find that person who will tell you to take the garbage out when you can’t be bothered — that’s true love.
I recently found one of those women things people have been telling me so much about. We had a first date, and despite my personality, we are still together.
Because of this — I have decided to share my top tips for asking your crush out on a date.
If you use the following methods you will be in a lovely cosy relationship before you can say:
“OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE!!!!…and some fries and a coke please, thank you”.
Let’s have a look at how to let your crush know you’d like to get ya freak on with them in a bubble bath:
35 Ways to Ask Your Crush Out on a Date ❤
1. Paint little love hearts onto their eyelids as they sleep.
2. Hire a magician to perform for them 5 times a day for 2 weeks.
3. Invite them to perform “Islands in the Stream” on the karaoke machine with you during an important works meeting.
4. Attach balloons in their favourite colour to their cat.
5. Shout out “I bloody love you, Karen!!!” at their Grandpa’s funeral — it also helps if they’re called Karen.
6. Buy them a heart-encrusted loaf of bread.
7. Kill all their ex-partners with a bow and arrow and if they ask you about it just say — “whoopsie, I’ve done it again.”
8. Rap to them whilst playing the lute.
9. Gently lick their elbow when they’re having lunch to let them know you’re interested.
10. When they ask you about commitment, reply with “I ain’t scared of no ghost.”
11. Ask them if they’re Russian — because they’re invading your heart.
12. Ask them if they prefer Ketchup or Mustard and reply with — "OH MY GOD SAME!!!” to whichever one they say.
13. Challenge them to a Latvian dance-off.
14. Promise them you won’t sneeze on them.
15. Ask them if they’d like to join you in a game of “touch the nipple.”
16. Cook a banquet of cinnamon duck and Egyptian pie for them.
17. Tell them you’re free on Fridays after you’ve dealt with those meddling kids and their dumb dog.
18. Throw confetti over them as you serenade your crush with a North Korean love song.
19. Sacrifice a goat in front of them to assert dominance in the relationship, whilst letting them know you’re an animal person.
20. Gift them a basket of highly flammable milk cartons.
21. Offer to rub cooking oils into their armpits.
22. Offer to take them to a garden centre full of dragons.
23. Sniff their nostrils and tell them they smell like a summer’s day.
24. Tell your crush you attend a hedgehog summer camp every December.
25. Perform a mime act for them but every 7 minutes cry out the word “Radiator!”.
26. Get a tattoo of an angry camel carrying 5 jugs of carrot juice.
27. Whisper to your crush — “I’m happy you’ve switched to oat milk.”
28. Ask them to the eagerly anticipated barn dance in your local village next Tuesday — they MUST arrive by tractor.
29. Unveil a statue outside your crush's house of them brushing their teeth.
30. Ask them if they’ve ever waxed kneecaps before.
31. Pretend you’re their pet turtle so they have to feed you and take you for walks.
32. High-five them whenever they say “I don’t feel very well”.
33. Ask them who was better, Elvis Presley, or that dude from the fourth season of American Idol.
34. Die your hair blue and green and wow your crush by pretending to be a peacock.
35. If none of these ideas have worked so far, you’re a bit stuck — by this point just get drunk at a bar and ask people if they want “a good seeing to…sexually.”
Climax…of the article
I feel all loved up now…I hope you do too.
If your crush isn’t absolutely smitten after trying any of these 35 wonderful ways of wowing them — then they ain’t for you bro.
Love is a wonderful thing, so make sure your crush loves getting little love hearts painted on their eyelids, or proficient in the art of Latvian dance-offs.
Once again, people — you are so welcome.
Lots of love, kisses, and naughty Latvian thoughts ❤
Adam “The Love Doctor” Robinson
If you loved that crap — you’ll love this crap too!
