33 Shocking Examples of Weaponized Incompetence You Have to See to Believe
When a picture is worth a thousand words
Weaponized incompetence is the new term on the block. Many of us have experienced it in our homes, our work environments, and our communities. Now it has a name.
What exactly is weaponized incompetence?
Weaponized incompetence is intentionally doing a task poorly. Narcissists and other toxic people use this devaluation technique for two reasons.
- To avoid being asked to do the task again
- To devalue or punish you
Narcissists use this technique at home
It may be obvious or incredibly subtle.
The narcissist will…
- Help carry in groceries, then drop the bag full of glass jars, creating a mess to be cleaned and the need to go shopping again
- Putting the ice cream in the refrigerator
- Leaving the bag of frozen items in the corner of the kitchen to melt
- Closing the freezer only partially, creates frost
- Help tidy up by putting things in odd locations, so that you’ll never find them
- Load the dishwasher so that dishes cannot possibly get clean
- Help wash, then put away dishes that are dirty, so you don’t know which forks are clean and which are dirty, requiring you to rewash everything
- Shrink your favorite sweater while doing laundry
- Send a pen through the wash where it explodes in the dryer, creating a massive mess for you to deal with
- Pay the bills and overdraw your accounts
- Get the mail and leave it under the seat of the car for a month
- Overwater and kill the plants
- Rub a stain into the carpet while trying to clean it up
- Wipe the counter and all other surfaces with a cloth used for raw chicken
- Walk around with the dripping toilet brush after cleaning the bathroom
- Track mud through the house after helping in the yard
- Provoke the kids’ bad moods while helping with homework
- Help with the kids’ school project and make a huge mess
- Help a child in the bathroom and get poop all over the wall, cabinets, and floor
Narcissists also use weaponized incompetence at work, particularly if they feel the work is “below” them
- Disconnect an important call while transferring it
- Delete an important meeting off a group calendar
- Take unintelligible notes in a meeting
- Neglect all of their tasks in a group project
- Do a poor job writing an SOP or memo
- Irritate a low yield client they don’t want, so the client requests another representative
- “Forget” to pass along that a meeting was canceled
- Retrain again and again for job requirements, sometimes 5 or more times
- Make coffee in a soapy coffee pot
Narcissists use weaponized incompetence in the community
- Get in the way of a volunteer opportunity, doing no meaningful work
- Babysit the neighbor’s kids and feed them tons of sugar
- House sit and lose the neighbor’s key
- Agree to video record a school performance for parents, then never give them copies
- Agree to help at a function, then not show up
Motive is everything
Keep in mind, that we’re not talking about accidents here. These things are done intentionally.
The narcissist wants to ensure they never be asked to do that task again and, if they’re particularly skilled, they’ll devalue and punish you for asking in the first place.
When you hear yourself saying, even begging, “Please stop helping,” or “I’ll take care of it myself,” you’ve seen the bright red flag.
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.
Recommended for you: Weaponized Incompetence: Never Mind, I’ll Take Care of It and How Do Covert Narcissists Abuse Their Partners?
