3 Ways to Discover Your Inner Self That Can Transform Your Life and Career

#2. Invite yourself on a date.

Work hard, spend less, save more, buy your own house, find a good husband and live a happy life.

My parents have been repeating this statement since my childhood. However, life makes its adjustments, and somehow it does not sound that great anymore. I thought I did everything to create my ideal state of life and make my parents happy, but something does not feel right anymore.

I look happy from the outside, but my inner world is often not peaceful. It took me years to start listening to my inner self and hear what I want, not what others tell me to do.

To know your inner self is to grasp your motivations, life vision, goals, passion, and fears. It’s not what others told you; it's something you’ve discovered by yourself.

Your inner-self knows you better than anyone else because you can only be truly honest with yourself. Everyone is born with a spark; you just need to discover it yourself and follow your passion in life. Here is what you can do to hear your inner voice speaking, reflect on your past, and understand your current self.

Admit, You Are More Than One Identity

The old Japanese proverb says:

‘’You have three faces. The first face you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends and your family. The third face, you never show anyone — it is the truest reflection of who you are.’’

You might be working in the corporate environment for years, dealing with numbers and reports. It’s your outer world that everyone around can see. Deep inside, you know, you’ve always wanted to play tennis and be a part of the team. You hide your third face — the most faithful reflection of yourself because you are afraid of showing it to others. You are scared of being judged, misunderstood, or abandoned.

You are always more than just one identity! Different personas can live inside you: young and old, serious and playful, money and joy seekers. Trying to suppress your inner voice won’t let you live in harmony with yourself. Some part of you will remain broken, demanding changes.

A long time ago, I used to select between “popular,” “in demand,” “highly paid” occupations that would have allowed me to become self-sufficient. I ignored my preferences, thinking, “I can manage everything.”

I changed several companies, multiple positions to realize that none of them gave me what I was looking for — a feeling that I belong here, that it’s my passion in life.

Some people diligently work without questioning the status quo. However, I felt a need to stop and listen to my screaming inner self.

“Your inner world creates your outer world.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo

If something does not feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t force yourself to live a life that does not make you feel complete. Remember, you are more than one identity! Let yourself create and try new opportunities that will help you find your own path in life.

Go On a Date With Yourself

“ I am busy tomorrow from 9am to 5pm. No, I can’t go to the gym in the evening, I have to meet a friend. I also help parents over the weekend; do housework; attend professional coaching. I am busy …”

The list is endless. It’s how the life of many people looks; they have time for everything except themselves. If you have no time to stop and reflect on your past, on your feelings, and think about your future — you won’t be able to control it! A cluttered brain keeps you focused on the past instead of the future.

You can only get to know your real self better when you are all alone with yourself.

If you are busy having no time for life reflection, why don’t you go on a date with yourself? By taking time for yourself, you get a chance to explore your feelings and understand what causes them.

Find a cozy place to read, meditate, write down your thoughts or even cry. Such moments trigger communication with the inner self that helps you better understand the motives behind your decisions and actions.

Releasing your emotions helps overcome toxic relationships and past feelings, accept reality as it is and keep moving forward.

It’s sometimes challenging for me to find a corner at home to escape from everyone and focus on myself. I often tend to engage in deep thinking when I am in a shower or when everyone is sleeping.

Whenever I am exercising outside or in a gym, it’s my secret date with myself. Unresolved questions, reflections, fear of future uncertainty pop up in the head while doing routine, repetitive tasks that require no conscious effort.

Without understanding why you live your life the way it is now, you can’t make a difference to your future. Without exploring your inner personality, you can’t determine what to abandon and what to keep doing in your life.

Next time you plan a weekly schedule, don't forget to invite your inner self on a date.

Start Noticing Your Daily Mood

Your feelings are the most authentic reflection of what makes you happy, sad, passionate, and desperate.

If you start noticing your daily mood, it can tell so much about your way of living and your inner state. Your brain is rational. It prioritizes your pragmatic goals and desires, but not always your personal comfort.

To understand your inner self through emotions, try to reflect on the following questions:

• Am I happy, fulfilled now? Does it matter what I do in this world?
• I felt anxious today. Why did it happen? Does any of my daily activities make me feel worried? How can I get rid of it?
• I am happy on Fridays and don’t want to wake up on Mondays. Is it my job that makes me feel this way? My colleagues? Lack of purpose? What can I do to be grateful for every day in my life?
• What can I do to eliminate clutter and live the life I want?
• What do I need to change to improve my current state of life?
• What would I do if I did not have to work every day?

“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.”

— Danielle Bernock

By analyzing my feelings, I learned to say “no” to some opportunities that bring anxiety into my life. I used to be unbalanced with my inner world, but that’s changed. I am grateful to God for being able to listen and hear what my inner voice says. You can learn so much by simply getting to know you behind your feelings and past decisions.

What Psychologists Suggest

Learn to admit and accept your failures. The study conducted by two psychologists, Boyraz and Waits, confirmed that thinking about your weaknesses doesn’t condemn you to a life full of self-hate. The study also shared that accepting your positive and negative qualities can help you come down your busy mind and improve your mental health.

Overcome self-doubt. Psychologist Jennifer Campbell introduced a concept of self-clarity, where she claims that high self-esteem “can be associated with having a clear sense of yourself and knowing who you are.”

In other words, the more you are confident in yourself, the less you tend to judge yourself, suffer from an impostor syndrome or devalue your achievements in life. Eventually, you manage to come down your busy mind and stop criticizing your inner voice.

Cultivate self-awareness through meditation and mindfulness. According to Silvia & O’Brien, “self-awareness allows us to see things from the perspective of others, practice self-control, work creatively and productively, and experience pride in ourselves and our work.”

Mind the way you speak to yourself. Researchers made a surprising statement that it’s not only what you say to your inner self, but also how you do it matters!

When having a dialog with your inner self, don’t use the words “I” or “me.” Instead, refer to yourself in the third person by using “he,” “she,” or your name.

The research claims using the third person when you talk to yourself can help you reduce stress and anxiety. It can also help you judge your behavior, actions, and emotions more objectively.

Final Thoughts

People are born like a white sheet of paper, clueless about what the future holds and how to find a place in life. We don’t know what makes us happy, who we want to become, and who we should listen to.

Life uncertainty causes negative self-talk that can devalue you as a personality, ruin your self-confidence and prevent you from becoming who you’re meant to be.

If your inner state is not in peace, you will sooner or later start feeling it. Don’t deny your anxiety, instead engage in self-talk to understand its roots.

Invite yourself for a date; discuss your outer self needs and the inner self wants; think about how to balance both worlds to live a happy, self-actualized life.

“ Never give up on your inner self! The process of self-discovery never ends — it’s a life-long journey.”

— Celestine Chua

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