3 Shocking Truths I Learned From A Serial Cheater

He secretly installed a GPS tracker in his wife’s car to avoid getting caught.

On the outside, Bob is the perfect man.

His family, friends, and students love him. He’s a great father, who spends lots of quality time with his children. He’s a selfless man, who volunteers in non-profit organizations, teaching poor people, giving them a future.

He’s the perfect husband — except for the fact he’s had multiple girlfriends in the course of his twenty-years-long marriage.

Bob cheated while he and his wife were dating, while they were newlyweds, while she was pregnant. Though his wife has caught Bob several times, though he’s sworn he’ll never do it again, he secretly installed a GPS tracker in his wife’s car to avoid getting caught. Come what may, Bob will never stop cheating.

He’s a serial cheater — and he’s taught me three shocking truths about people like him. Here they are:

They Believe It’s The Most Natural Thing in the World

Bob and I met doing volunteering work. At first, I fell for his picture-perfect image. Since he’s twenty years older than me, I looked up to him as a role model.

When my husband proposed, I went to Bob. “What’s your secret for making marriage work?”

Bob shrugged. “Having affairs.”

That was it. No embarrassment. No regret. No emotion.

Shocked, I stared at him for a full minute before uttering a reply. “So, like an open marriage? Polyamory?”

“No,” Bob responded, his tone even. “Old-fashioned cheating.”

“So your wife doesn’t know?” By then, my palms were sweaty. As a monogamist, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could the secret to a long, happy marriage be cheating?

For a long moment, Bob regarded me as though I was an idiot who knew nothing about life (perhaps I am, but it’s never nice when someone makes you feel that way).

“You’ll see,” Bob finally said. “After you’ve been married long enough, you’ll understand you need to cheat to keep your relationship alive.”

And that was that.

For serial cheaters like Bob, cheating is just a natural part of marriage. Going behind your spouse’s back is the most natural thing in the world.

To them, I’m foolish for wanting to remain faithful to my husband.

They Love Their Partners

Bob and I continued volunteering together, which led to countless conversations centered on cheating.

Having grown up with the belief people cheat because something is missing in their relationships — be it physical or emotional intimacy — I expected Bob to confess that something was wrong in his marriage. But I was mistaken.

Bob loves his wife. They have deep conversations, great sex, and are an excellent team when it comes to caring for their children and house. Though Bob has had multiple girlfriends, he’s never wanted a divorce. And he never will.

“Then why?” I asked one day. If he had everything a good relationship is supposed to have, why did he cheat?

“I like it,” he replied. “The novelty. The rush. The trying not to get caught.”

“So… is life with your wife boring?”

“No.” He was quick to correct himself. “My wife is fantastic, and we’re constantly trying new things, but I still want more.”

More. That’s what Bob wants in a nutshell: More.

He loves his wife, but that will never be enough. She can get sexier, change her routine, buy tickets to a new, exotic destination, and still, it’ll never be enough.

For serial cheaters like Bob, one partner is never enough. They could have the best relationship ever and still cheat. Why? Because they want more.

They Like Monogamy

“Have you tried opening your relationship?” I asked Bob one day.

One of the things I love about our modern society is how new types of relationships have surfaced. Though I’m a monogamist, I have lots of friends who prefer polyamory or open relationships, which I think is admirable.

For me, honesty is the most important ingredient of any relationship. So long as you don’t go behind your partner’s back, there’s nothing wrong if you want multiple partners.

Bob disagrees.

“I wouldn’t want my wife to cheat on me,” he said.

I raised an eyebrow, incredulous. “Don’t you think it’s unfair how you don’t want her to cheat?” I mean, if you want other sexual experiences, great, but shouldn’t his wife have the same right?

Perhaps I’m silly, but if we love someone, someone who has begged us not to cheat, shouldn’t we try to be honest? Shouldn’t we at least be open to the idea of the other person cheating? Shouldn’t we walk away instead of hurting the person we “love”?

But that’s not how serial cheaters like Bob think. They don’t want their partners to cheat. They want the benefits of monogamy without dealing with its downsides. They expect faithfulness when they’re unwilling to offer it in return.

They want to have their cake and eat it too.

Serial Cheaters vs. Hopeless Romantics

Bob recently celebrated his second anniversary with his current girlfriend, whom he loves enough to spend together more than fifteen hours every week, yet not enough to abandon his wife’s comfort.

The last time I saw him, we argued again due to our different views on honesty. He even admitted that he feels uncomfortable around me because I have no desire to cheat on my husband (literally, zero).

Perhaps he wants me to adopt his mindset to feel better about himself. Perhaps a tiny, almost non-existent part of him knows that hurting your partner is never right.

Or perhaps I’m kidding myself.

Perhaps tracking your spouse’s car is normal. Perhaps cheating is the most natural thing in the world — and I’m just a silly hopeless romantic.