Relationship
3 Keys to Have a Meaningful Relationship
To nurture trust every day.
“The most loving women are the women who will test you the most.”― David Deida
I heard this recently: after seven years, everything is boring. You don’t see your wife as she was at the beginning. Your relationship will get down. It is a reality. Don’t try to cover up the sun with one finger.
I never was expecting to write about it; the topics I enjoy writing about are self-improvement or productivity. I thought I would overexpose my privacy in this post.
But after seven years, which is not a lot but still a decent amount of time and having the same feeling and attraction for her, I decide to write about it.
I heard so many times that you get bored after years, I didn’t even stop to think about whether it is true or not. I assumed it is how it is, and never overthought about it. I thought that is why so many people get divorced every single day.
I had some relationships before and I noticed that there is a coincidence. All couples are making the same mistake before getting divorced. It’s the reason why I felt some discomfort with relationships in the past.
A short story
Firstly, I am from Peru, my wife is from Russia, and we live in NY. We came from different cultures and have different viewpoints of things, but it doesn’t interfere in our good relationship.
The goals don’t need to be the same, but they can be in the same direction.
I don’t want you to get bored. So let’s talk about what you should do if you want to make your relationship strong and long.
It’s good to consider different variables like culture, countries, or past experiences. They can help you to analyze your partner and yourself. And you have to be open and flexible to new experiences that you never tried.
Let’s break this down further.
Things you shouldn’t do if you want a long relationship
Man and women are different. I am sure you know, but sometimes you never apply in your relationship. Firstly, you have to embrace this.
The man always follows their passion, no matter what.
The woman always follows love, no matter what.
Name it whatever you want. Call me a male chauvinism. But, if you don’t embrace this reality as a man or woman, you would be disconnected sooner or later.
We are human beings for nature. A man without following the passion is a waste of a man. A woman with a lack of love is an unhappy woman. If you disagree, it is fine. But don’t complain when you don’t feel good, even if you are making a ton of money and are successful in your job.
It doesn’t mean you have to be at home cooking and spending time with the babies. No amiga. Not at all. You can be successful in your career, but be aware that it is not going to make you happy. Not in the long term.
What is going to make you happy is having a partner or a husband or children who respects, admires, and loves how you are.
It is crucial to find a balance. Man has to find it spending time, helping, and listening to your wife despite your passion and work. And the woman has to prioritize love and family despite a successful career.
Embrace the idea that things that make you happy don’t make your wife or husband happy. Men and women are different.
When you watch a movie, you want to watch an action movie or thriller, or you prefer a romantic family movie?
Ask a man what does he like the most? We have different tendencies.
“Don’t Analyze Your Woman The feminine’s moods and opinions are like weather patterns. They are constantly changing, severe and gentle, and they have no single source. No analysis will work. There is no linear chain of cause and effect that can lead to the kernel of the “problem.” There is no problem, only a storm, a breeze, a sudden change in weather. And the bases of these storms are the high and low pressure systems of love. When a woman feels love flowing deeply, her mood can instantly evaporate into joy, regardless of the supposed reason for the mood.”― David Deida
The trick is to embrace we are differents and work what is beneficial for both. Let’s start with the things you shouldn’t do to your man or woman. Small and ridiculous things that sometimes you don’t realize how can influence your relationship.
Give him/her time to be out
Both need to go out at least once a week. It doesn’t mean you have to go out and party with friends. However, it is always good to talk with different people, friends, or family. The feeling that someone is waiting for us at home has no price.
Both need time in solitude. Sometimes, I go out for a walk or just to be with myself is a perfect time to think and be aware of what I am doing right or wrong, and improve as a person as a husband as a father. It is always good to have time to think and realize what you are doing right or what you can do better.
Don’t try to check his/her phone
So many times it happens to me when I used to date girls in my country. Latin girls tend to be more jealous. It is a matter of culture and weather a lot of variables to explain why they have that tendency.
Check the phone of others even if he is your husband or wife is an extremely sign of lack of confidence and self-esteem. I used to complain. I wasn’t hiding anything. I remember once; an ex told me — if you get pissed off is because you were hiding something.
The point is doing that you are showing your partner that you are not a confident person and lack of confidence is not sexy. Therefore, you start to lost respect for your partner.
So next time, when you want to check his/her phone, stop yourself. If he is going to do something against you, you will win anyway. You will realize he is not for you. Do a favor for yourself and don’t do it.
It is funny; my wife never sees my phone. Sometimes I got piss for it. I ask her why you never check my phone? She smiles and replies. Are you hiding something? Why do I have to check? I smile. Her confidence and security make me feel proud.
Listen with intention, talk less
Listen to understand not to react; this is basic in each relationship. Suppose everyone wants to put their opinions upfront. It means you don’t respect and care about your partner’s opinion. Hence, you don’t respect him/her.
I don’t know if girls are more talkative than men. I have men friends who talk too much, but it doesn’t matter; you should stop talking too much and listen with intention.
It will be the best gift you can give to your partner. In addition, pay attention to her body while she is talking. Ask questions if something is unclear without giving advice. A woman just needs to be heard with intention.
I remember once my uncle told me.
The best gift you can give to everyone is — just listen carefully.
Apply his advice everywhere. It is the best show of affection you can give to everyone.
Final Thoughts
Stop boxing yourself, thinking you can’t do something because you are a man. We both are amazing creatures. I love cooking at home, change diapers, or bath to my daughters. I didn’t picture myself doing that before.
When I see my wife doing a lot of things for me despite her professional goals, I have the energy to do everything to make her happy.
Be aware we are different and find the balance; small details turn a regular day in a relationship on a fantastic day.
Bonus: Never sleep after an argument without talk and clarify. It will make the relationship stronger.
If you want more stories like this or different topics, let me know here!
Godofredo Rojas is a writer, chef, and constant learner from Peru. He studied in Le Cordon Bleu in Lima, Peru. He moved to New York in March 2011. You can find him on Facebook and Twiter.