3 Crippling Beliefs to Avoid — Part 3
Yes, giving away your husband’s things will bring some relief!
On day 100 of the Long Goodbye, I wrote about being on a cleaning frenzy in my journal. Cleaning out the clutter was a journaling theme for quite a few previous entries. I was struggling with whether to give my husband’s things away. If I did, I felt I would issue a “death warrant” on my husband. So, I kept his things hanging onto the unrealistic hope he’ll return and need them.
Limiting Belief # 3: Holding onto my husband’s things will keep his memory and presence alive and my grief easier.
During the last days of month three, I read a book called “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning.” Plus, I consulted the I Ching for daily guidance.
The messages I received were upsetting at first. Then they sunk in. Becoming helpful. The messages told me how to deal with giving away my husband’s clothes and personal items. The messages also suggested ways to donate the trinkets and household things that reminded me of him.
A bonus insight from these messages was a mental clearing for my grief at losing my husband to Alzheimer’s. To learn how to accept that he wasn’t ever coming home.
The core message is that eventually, I will want to have a good life after grieving. I also have to recognize that my life is and will be totally different. No longer married. A widow. Single. There will be a “new” normal. Because of my new situation, what do I want the rest of my days to be like?
Do I always want to feel the sorrow? Do I want to have despair and hopelessness fill my days? Or do I want to experience joy, happiness, and love once more? Do I want to have fun and laughter in my life?
It’s up to me to make the choice.
And start making the choice now.
The longer I hold on to my husband’s things, the longer the past will have a hold on me. The harder it will be to live a new life when I still have my heart and thoughts stuck in my old life.
Death cleaning is a physical action that helps my spirit and mental health. It’s a time of letting go. As I clear away the old, I will experience a release from tension and uncertainty. I’ll have the energy to free myself from the past. And I’ll make space for my new life to enter.
I also realized this was the time to declutter my entire house. After cleaning out both of my parent’s homes, I made a promise to myself that I would clean my house so my son wouldn’t have to.
First, old papers and documents were shredded.
Next were the boxes never unpacked from moving into my house 20 years ago. Clothes I would never wear again or fit in. Gadgets, knick-knacks, dishes, and paraphernalia I didn’t want or care for. Books and tape programs.
All were bagged up and given to Goodwill.
During my decluttering, I still couldn’t give away all of my husband’s clothes. I could do so for his things in drawers and his office because I couldn’t see them. Not seeing his clothes hanging in the closet would be a “finalization” of him never coming home again. I wasn’t ready to totally accept that reality. Keeping his clothes was a way to still have his presence with me.
I eventually gave away the rest of his clothes — after he died. It was freeing. I had let his spirit go… and there was nothing to hold him back from transitioning to his “new” life. I sensed we both were relieved. It was like getting the “okay” from W. Lee to go on with my life without him.
PS I created a guide — “3 Tips for Giving Away Your Husband’s Things”. You can get it by clicking on this sentence. The guide will help you to reset your mindset so that guilt will not stop you and you can move on with your life.
Part 1 of this series can be accessed below:
And the link for part 2 is below:
Before I go, I want to tag a few of my writer friends. Discover their great stories.
Tim Maudlin JeffHerring.com Brenda Christopher MaryJo Wagner, PhD Dr Mehmet Yildiz Vickie Trancho Jesse-Melva Johnson Sunita Pandit Phil Brakefield Margaret Eves EricAsbeck.com Larry Nowicki William McPeck Trapper Sherwood Chris Hallett
PS I’m a widow who refuses to live a life filled with grief but I live a life filled with joy, happiness, and love. I’m allowing my bodaciousness to direct how I will live the rest of my life.
© 2020 and beyond by Linda Kay Halladay. All rights reserved.
I’ve written about my journey out of grief and into bodaciousness. If this story helped you to ease some sadness or grief, I invite you to read my other stories about life and the possibilities to experience joy once more.
Find out more about my travels through grief in my introduction:
I wrote these stories during the first year after my husband died:
