When Grief Overwhelms You | Grief | Widows | Healing Mindset

3 Crippling Beliefs to Avoid — Part 1

Yes, It’s Okay to Feel Joy and Relief!

It’s been almost three years since my husband went into memory care — never to come home again.

That’s when my grief started.

My husband was in the last stages of Alzheimer’s. There were no hopes of recovery. The prognosis: death in months. It was the start of the Long Goodbye.

Even today, when I reflect on that day, a gut-wrenching pang stabs me in my stomach. If I’m not careful, that ache will grow into the deep sadness I felt back then. Not succumbing to grief’s encircling tentacles once again, I quickly come back to the present.

It is so easy to fall “prey” to grief’s overwhelming power.

Part of grief’s power is due to unconscious, limiting beliefs we may have about grieving.

Beliefs about how we should act and think.

When I reread what I journaled during that time, I found three beliefs that stopped me from getting out of grief.

Once I realized this, I identified them. Then I developed strategies that helped me get relief from grief. Hopefully, my insights will help you too.

Limiting Belief #1: Despair and heartache will always be present in my life.

Six weeks into the Long Goodbye, I was at my wit’s end. With each passing day, it seemed like things were getting worse for my husband. And the caregivers appeared to be falling down on their job. Starting from the moment I awakened and not leaving until I fell asleep, the constant sense of dread was wearing me out. I felt doomed that I would feel this way for the rest of my life.

Then I “got an intuitive message.” It told me to remember one of Louise Hay’s messages from her book, You Can Create an Exceptional Life.

Louise reminded me to send “LOVE” to the situation I was in. And to stop dwelling on the negativity, frustration, and hurt I was feeling.

So, I began thinking about how I wanted to feel and experience instead. What popped into my mind was I wanted to live a rocking, bodacious life in the years I have left.

I started feeling a bit better. Some excitement entered into my body and mind … perhaps there will be a day when my despair dissolves.

Then, guilt started filling my head once again.

How can I be excited about my future? My husband is slowly dying.

Yet, I was also feeling resentment and anger. I didn’t envision the second half of my life would end like this. I was looking forward to this time of my life to make a long-desired dream come true finally. Now it seemed like I was doomed.

Then I read a passage in another book, A Time for Transformation, which iterated what Louise Hay wrote. Stop sending resentful, negative thoughts out to my husband and the memory care staff. I may not realize it, but my husband and the staff were picking up my off-putting feelings. And they were reacting accordingly.

That’s what I had been doing. I was sending out too many negative thoughts and feelings. I was constantly thinking about the darkness I felt — the despair and hopelessness.

The author suggested the best thing I could do is change my thought patterns. Stop my negative thinking about my husband and the memory care facility. Rather focus on my husband and his caregivers with love. Hold them in a golden light as I think about their good qualities. Once I did, I should see a change in them.

The author stated LOVE is powerful.

By sending out love, we can light up the good in others. And we can light up the good in ourselves. We think it would be hard work to clear out the darkness within us. Yet, all it takes is a moment to switch on the “light of love.”

Wanting to feel better, I drew a light switch on a stickie note — to remind me to turn on my inner light. Then keep the light on by focusing on love and its associated feelings of happiness and joy. Keep the light of love on. Turn off the dark thoughts of sorrow and misery.

To help me keep my LOVE switch on, I found these two affirmations to repeat throughout my day:

I now free myself from destructive fears and doubts. When I share love, it comes back to me multiplied. ~ Louis Hay

By repeating these affirmations often and keeping the light switch doodle in front of me, I started feeling better. The despair lessened. A calm came over me. Most surprising was that my interactions with the memory care staff were much more friendly and caring. Plus, my husband was “behaving” more calmly too.

The relief I received from keeping the LOVE switch on helped me through the next seven months — up to the day my husband died.

PS I created a guide — “3 Tips for Giving Away Your Husband’s Things”. You can get it by clicking on this sentence. The guide will help you reset your mindset so that guilt won’t stop you from moving on with your life.

PPS If you’d like to read part 2 of the series, click the link below:

Before I go, I want to tag a few of my writer friends. Discover their great stories. Tim Maudlin JeffHerring.com Brenda Christopher MaryJo Wagner, PhD Dr Mehmet Yildiz Vickie Trancho Jesse-Melva Johnson Sunita Pandit Phil Brakefield Margaret Eves EricAsbeck.com Larry Nowicki William McPeck Trapper Sherwood Chris Hallett

PPS I’m a widow who refuses to live a life filled with grief but, instead, I live a life filled with joy, happiness, and love. I’m allowing my bodaciousness to direct how I will live the rest of my life.

This story is brought to you by Linda Kay Halladay. Find out more about my travels through grief in my introduction:

I’ve written about my journey out of grief and into bodaciousness. If this story helped you to alleviate some sadness or grief, I invite you to read my other stories about life and the possibilities to experience joy once more.