If You Struggle With Negative Self-Talk, Read This
You are not your inner critic.
Many of us struggle with an internal voice that just won’t shut up. A voice that makes us feel like a failure and criticizes every little thing we do and say, no matter how insignificant.
Sometimes, this voice becomes so loud that we have no idea of how to detach ourselves from it. Instead, we accept everything it says as truth. We judge ourselves even more harshly, and this negative self-talk becomes part of our daily routine.
What if I tell you that this voice does not belong to you? What if I tell you that you don’t have to listen to it — because it is not who you really are?
Why Do We Have An Inner Critic?
I’ve recently become aware of how much time I spend criticizing myself. I’m so used to constantly judging everything I do that I didn’t even question it anymore.
A few months ago, I was so immersed in this negative self-talk that I felt paralyzed. Every cell in my body was filled with fear: fear of failing, fear of being honest, fear of not being good enough. It felt as though I was a little kid again — which was kind of true because I know these fears come from my inner child.
Then, I had a sudden realization. I thought, “wait, this voice is not mine. It’s the voice of my father”.
In a way, I already knew this. But this time, it was different. This time, I could fully separate myself from this voice for the very first time.
I’m sharing this story with you because I believe that if we want to get rid of our inner critic, we have to understand why it exists in the first place. We have to understand why some people have stronger inner critics than others. Otherwise, we’re not addressing the root of the problem.
And here’s the thing: nobody is born with an inner critic.
The inner critic is something we develop when we grow up in critical and judgmental environments. It’s something we carry when we internalize the constant criticism around us — especially as children.
Although we tend to normalize this voice, the truth is that not everyone has one. People who grew up in a loving and emotionally healthy environment rarely struggle with negative self-talk. They may struggle with internal criticism from time to time, but they’re not controlled by their inner critic.
Once we understand this, we can change this pattern.
What Your Inner Child Needs To Hear
From now on, here’s what I want you to know.
You didn’t deserve to be constantly criticized by those who were supposed to love you and support you the most.
You didn’t deserve to be blamed for everything.
You didn’t deserve to feel like a burden.
You didn’t deserve to feel like you had to be perfect to be worthy of love.
The good news is that now that you’re an adult, these experiences don’t have to dictate your self-talk — because you get to choose the kind of self-talk you want to have now.
You don’t have to internalize the criticisms of your parents anymore.
You don’t have to feed the narrative of your inner critic anymore.
Instead, you can create your own narrative and give yourself the love and validation you’ve always deserved.
“This is your permission to embody your true self.
This is your permission to focus on yourself — your needs, your desires, your goals, your dreams, your well-being.
This is your permission to ignore the noise around you and turn inward. To rest, to breathe, to sit in stillness.
This is your permission to set boundaries. To choose how you want to spend your time, and who you want to share your energy with.
This is your permission to say no. To leave your people-pleasing traits behind and get clear on what you really want. To embody your values, and your priorities.”
Negative self-talk doesn’t come out of nowhere. It comes from growing up in an environment where your true self was judged and criticized.
It can take many years to recover from this kind of upbringing, but it’s definitely possible.
Please know that you’re more than good enough just as you are. You’re doing the best you can, so give yourself some credit.
