De Niña a Mujer (From Girl to Woman) Stories of Real Quinceañeras

Featuring memories from my sisters, my niece, and fellow writers: Marilyn Ricco, Eugenia Vela and Ellie Guzman

When I turned 15, I was told that I would get a down payment for a car at age 18. My sisters were given quinceañeras.

Quinceañera literally translates to 15-year-old (girl), but the term is most associated with the party that is tradition in Latin cultures.

One might compare a quinceañera to a debutante ball, a cotillion, a sweet sixteen or (to some extent) a bat mitzvah. They are coming-of-age celebrations, introductions of young girls into society and the marking of the transition into womanhood.

Shifting the focus away from the extremes highlighted by reality shows, I sought out real stories, memories (fond or otherwise) and thoughts on the reality of becoming a woman.

My sisters — Thaila (the eldest) and TJ (two years my junior) — shared their own experiences with me. Friends and fellow Medium writers contributed their talents on the subject. And lastly, I present my niece Kat (a few years away from turning 15) who offers her birthday wish.

Thaila

“Quinceañera” makes me think of the Mexican telenovela I used to watch with Adela Noriega and Thalía. The topic of the 15th birthday has already come up at home. I can’t remember how the subject was raised but, needless to say, videos were dusted off and played.

I was a sophomore in high school at the time. I remember mom telling me about the party and I immediately thought of something like Cinderella’s ball. I thought it would be really cool to have a party that all of my friends could attend that wasn’t to be held in our four-room apartment.

I was not offered the option of a car at my 18th birthday…mom came up with that option after my party.

I loved selecting the dresses and fabrics for the girls of my court, the invitations, the favors. It was almost like a trial run at planning a wedding. I remember all the rehearsals that we had for the dance choreography at the school gym and that hall behind the Carvel. The songs selected were “De Nina a Mujer” (Julio Iglesias) for the Father/Daughter Dance, “Skaters Waltz” (Waldteufel), “Penny Lover” (Lionel Richie) and “I Believe in Dreams” (Jackie Rawe).

I was a girly girl. I liked dressing up and wearing jewelry. My BFF at the time was Barbara and my BF was her cousin Johnny. I was able to incorporate many of my friends in my court. We even had a bit of drama when Ana and her boyfriend broke up and we had to switch up couples at the last minute.

I remember the whole family coming in from all over. The DJ was great, he had a decent mix of ’80s music and the chicky-poom music, of course. I think that the party went well, everyone was dancing and eating. Although, there were a few instances that I remember I just wanted the pictures to STOP!! I felt like every time I was having fun…it was time for another photo op. I ended up collecting some money that helped pay for my first year at college. We have the memories, pictures and video for posterity.

Looking back after all these years, I think that the expense of the event was a bit much for a postal clerk and a warp knitting machine operator with 4 children. Having 4 kids of my own now, I don’t know how they did it. I have come to appreciate them so much more and I wish that I could go back and send them on a couples vacation to somewhere exotic/romantic.

My advice wouldn’t be for my 15-year-old self but for my children:

1. Be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else.
2. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
3. Love yourself, value yourself, express yourself, forgive yourself.
4. Never let a stumble in the road be the end of your journey.

Mom always said that friends would come in and out of our lives but family would always be there for us. I am happy to say that I know I can always count on mine. Love you guys a ton.

Eugenia Vela

In Austin it’s not uncommon to see young girls in big ole shiny gowns, posing for quinceañera photos in the middle of a bluebonnet field or the steps of the Capitol. To me, they look like girls playing dress-up, their makeup always thick, like a slab of Skippy peanut butter at risk of death by Texas sun. And it’s weird thinking this is some sort of rite of passage, like a debutante ball, saying: Look out world, I’m a woman now. Marry me off to the highest bidder!

Just kidding.

I mean, I get it. It’s a big deal. The closest thing here I’m guessing is a Sweet 16 party, and if Molly Ringwald taught me anything, girls expect to wake up at 16 somehow reformed, improved, maybe with a little more self-confidence and a killer bust (and a black Trans Am in the driveway). I don’t believe turning 15 was as big a deal for me; I don’t remember having those expectations. I think I’ve learned more of the quinceañera tradition over the last few years than I did when I was a quinceañera — meaning, a 15-year-old girl. Because no, I did not have a quinceañera party; any close friends reading this would probably guffaw at the thought.

So here’s the thing. There were quinceañera parties in San Pedro, where I grew up. We called them quinces and if you were at all popular, you probably started going to those when you were 13, as some pimply 14-year-old’s date. We would dress up, go to some fancy venue, and sweat to the great hits of ’04, like Usher’s “Yeah!,” OutKast’s “Hey Ya!” and some song in Spanish about getting on a dude’s boat. (Quiero montarme en tu velero/Ponerte yo el sombrero/Y hacernos eso ay, ay, ay, ay…)

…Read the full story here:

Marilyn Ricco

I was quite content in having a gathering in our new home that included my grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins. I didn’t know any better, nor did I feel that I was missing out on something. I think my parents may have catered Cuban sandwiches and there was, of course, bocaditos, pastel de guayaba, flan and a bakery cake. As far as I was concerned, this was the perfect night.

It wasn’t until many years later that I even considered whether or not I may have been cheated out of a cultural milestone. I think that my parents did the best that they could and made the right decision to buy a house when they did. If they’d have spent that money on a big party, we wouldn’t have had all of those wonderful memories that we had in our first home. I think becoming an adult is realizing what’s important in life and making decisions that will better your life in the long run. That is what “growing up” means to me. I have nothing against quinceañeras and give credit to those who can pull them off so nicely, but I don’t think you need to spend thousands of dollars to feel special and loved at the peak of your teens. Skipping the big party is certainly not going to stop you from growing up and let’s be honest, no one in New Jersey is waiting around for your introduction into society. Mine may have only been a quinceañita (not a thing) but it was still a great night with my family and will always be dear to me.

Besides, I still got to wear a KILLER dress, right?

…Read the full story here:

TJ

15–16 weren’t great years all around with the exception of meeting Kayte. I went through a lot of things my freshman/sophomore years of high school and have certain memories I would rather not discuss that I’ve never talked about to anyone. I started drinking/smoking and tried to suppress things that were happening during that time in my life.

What I remember most about my 15th birthday is that I didn’t want to have one and it was forced it on me. I remember crying for most of the party because I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t then and still don’t like being the center of attention and I was forced into the spot light for the whole day.

I would’ve rather gotten a car like my brothers did.

My 15th was not a big deal to me. The best part about it that I can remember was my boyfriend at the time, Herbert, tried to cheer me up and comfort me but he had no idea what to do but he didn’t leave my side.

The funniest part was my friends drinking and mom yelling at them as if she didn’t know that was going to happen with an open bar and a bunch of teenage kids around.

Looking back, I chalk it up as a learning experience and if I had to do it over again, of course, I would’ve done a lot of things different. If I had the knowledge I have now.

My advice for my 15-year-old self:

• To be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
• Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.
• “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — I read this somewhere many, many years back and have been living my life from it since.

That time frame in a child’s life is a very difficult time and they are going through a lot of things like: fitting in, school work, future plans, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, siblings, parents and just all around confusing. I think parents should ask kids what they want when it comes to anything in their life and don’t just assume for them.

Ellie Guzman

My parents asked me point-blank if I wanted a quinceañera and I gave them a quick “no gracias!” without even thinking about it. I had seen way too many of my friends’ families sink into debt because of them and worst of all, I’d been to them. The sky-high hairdo, the hours of wearing heels, the random guests who were invited because they were the wife of the cousin of the neighborhood laundromat lady… what a nightmare. It was months of rehearsal, emotionally blackmailing my friends so they would be damas and chambelanes, thousands of dollars, and then all that mingling while in a gigantic dress. Yeah, no thanks. I was happier spending my afternoons doing homework and watching TV than listening to “Tiempo De Vals” by Chayanne for hours on end. Even now that song haunts me… un dos tres un dos tres. My parents breathed a sigh of relief and bought a much needed new car instead, our trusty Toyota Camry, which we still have. Instead of a quinceañera, they threw me a carne asada with family at my aunt’s house, I wore a $15 polka dot dress from Ross Dress for Less and felt beautiful in it, and I had a wonderful time. I didn’t have to dance, I didn’t have to mingle with people I didn’t know, and I hung out with my cousins and sister while the adults gossiped. Oh and they had a dog! It was a blast.

So what’s the problem, then? Why do I immediately retreat into “ahhhh I don’t want to think about it!!! LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU! TOPIC CHANGE PLEASE!!!”-mode when I hear the word quinceañera? What’s so wrong with fifteen?

…Read the full story here:

Kat

I’m coming close to the age where most girls have quinceañeras but I have chosen to go on a trip instead. At first, the idea of having a big party sounded great! But, I now have a change of heart. If I were to have a quinceañera, I’m pretty sure my mom would make me wear a dress, heels, makeup, and the whole thing.

I don’t really like wearing dresses and makeup so, that just wouldn’t end up with me being myself. I’m not really open to dancing in front of people so, I wouldn’t really be comfortable.

I’m not a girly girl like my mom. That’s more my younger sister.

So, I’m going on a trip instead to celebrate my 15th or 16th birthday. I have always wanted to go to Paris and see the culture and check out the food. I think that if you like big parties and that stuff then go for it, but I’m not that type of person so I’m going to take a trip. But, who knows what I will think in a few years from now? Maybe I’ll change my mind as I get closer to that age.

This is part of a collection of stories on quinceañeras. To read more, click here: