The Anxious Beginner’s Guide to Wine

The Spark Felt Around the World

The spark that signals our passion for wine can begin anywhere and anytime

I don’t know the specific moment I fell in love with wine. It certainly was not the massive bottle of Sutter Home Moscato I was given in college that we all drank with the “big straw” from 7-Eleven, but it may have been the first time I felt the play of sweet and bubbles on my tongue as I sipped my first glass of Olive Garden’s Moscato d’Asti in my early 20s.

It was more likely closer to when I first tasted a deep, spicy Zinfandel after moving to Dallas in 2015. It may have been the mouthful magic of the bottle of Quintessa that was gifted to me for Christmas shortly thereafter. I loved tasting this wine that tasted like me. I wanted more.

Unlearning the danger of falling in love

Falling in love can be a fearful endeavor. With an anxious mind and a life full with early trauma, my memories of love were associated with loss. As I began exploring my passion for wine, I found myself faced with the gargantuan task of giving myself permission to love again, to try again. It was not easy, but I felt incentive as my imagination took flight, creating a picture of my future life full to overflowing with wine.

I began small. I began slow. I began in the comforts of my familiar.

Why I began by drinking more wine at home

It is close to home I began my adventure to find the wine, the types of surroundings, and the styles of learning that spoke to me, fed my passion, and brought me joy. This allowed me to grow my love of wine in the direction that served me best. My “home-work” uncovered the path ahead of me, opening me up to seeing my desires for the passionate, wine-loving lifestyle I craved.

I have come to love this type of “education”. My new favorite way to grow is without expectation and for my enjoyment.

As I’ve followed my passion for wine at home I’ve found I love more kinds of wine. Even so, I have grown to love my favorite wine more because I know that I have tasted so many wines and it’s still my favorite.

The best wine is the wine you like

It wasn’t until I began exploring the world of wine that I heard the phrase: “The best wine is the wine you like.” The reason why I began tasting more wine and desiring to know more about wine is because I consistently drank the wine I liked.

As my desire for wine grew, I began to spend nights sitting on the tiny patio table outside of Bodega in Dallas. It is a non-imposing wine taster's dream, decorated in the style of a wine cellar with a cozy factor that cannot be denied. I was comfortable cradling my glass below twinkling yellow lights. Inside, I enjoyed the low light and contrasting bustle. I was transported by the surroundings, serenaded by wood, stone, bottles, and leather.

Bodega offered wine flights, but I wouldn’t partake because I didn’t trust the process. I didn’t trust myself. I would get a glass of wine that I was quite sure I would like, sampling when I could get up the courage to ask. I would then indulge in the glass of wine that I ordered, languid from knowing myself more deeply. I was drinking earthen red and it tasted like me: deep, spicy, earthen, and full-bodied with a long finish. It was everything. It was the kind of wine, the kind of time, I liked.

One day, I found myself wondering if there was a chance there was a wine out there that I might like even more. If I didn’t know my favorite wine existed until I found it, it stood to reason there may be more that I liked that I didn’t know about. And just like that, I began trying, or tasting, wine.

Exploring with joyfulness and gentleness

If I had fed my baby passion with the expectation that I would find the best kind of wine or that I would love every wine or that I would know the most about everything there is to know about wine, I would not be passionate about wine today. My passion would have washed away, drenched by fear and my own stifling expectations.

My imagination was the key to my gentleness. Each time I fought to explore in the rigid, unforgiving way I was taught, I pictured the life my passion for wine was building. This picture saw me as capable of exercising curiosity and simplicity for my joy alone.

I am choosing the way I live in love with wine. I may be anxious, but I am the artist of the life I am building. As I have found healing in therapy, so too have I found healing in following my spark, even when the light of its flame sometimes shows me the brokenness of my heart.

Today, I have stories. I am coming to know and appreciate the work, the attention, and the love that goes into every bottle, every glass of wine. Best of all, I have years of pairing my favorite kind of wine with my favorite kind of life, one that is passionate and brave because I have chosen to fall in love with my spark.

Big Love & Wine a Lot,

Brett Jenae, TAG

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