Pro Tips for Anxious Travelers

9 Anxiety-Friendly Amenities of All-Inclusive Travel

Viva la getaway!

When my sister asked me where I wanted to go for my 30th birthday, I was nervous. It was 2016 and I was reeling. In 2015 I had driven across the country for a big move into a new beginning. It was a journey of epic proportion. I wasn’t a traveler. My Michigan life was all I had ever known. Dallas accepted me with open arms but I was broken, recovering from the traumatic death of my father the year before.

Traveling was the last thing on my mind. I was succeeding at building a life for myself. I had found a fabulous apartment for myself and my sweet dog, Bella Jo, paying for it with a job that was just what I needed it to be. Still, I lived in a constant state of anxiety and self-doubt. I felt proud, but fragile.

My first thought about my proposed 30th birthday trip was that it threatened to take my pride from me. I was trying to hold everything together, to be everything I needed for myself and my sweet pup. If I tried something new, if I left this space I had created for us, I feared I wouldn’t recover when it went wrong.

Then I had a thought. It was vivid. A beach, a sunset, warm nights with salty breezes. I have come to know that there are not so many things in my life as mobilizing as the promise of a beach. My sister was working for a travel company at the time and was able to get us a deal at an all-inclusive resort on a lovely beach in Mexico. We shoved off, leaving my sweet life behind for a few days for what I now know to be exactly what I needed: a getaway.

Our travels are not often anxiety-friendly, but if there is a kind of travel that picks up some of the slack it is all-inclusive travel. This can be found at all-inclusive resorts and as an accompaniment to some tours, travel packages, wellness experiences and cruises.

Below is TAG’s List of Nine Anxiety-Friendly Amenities we get to enjoy when we take part in the all-inclusive getaway.

1. Plan Less, Get More.

An antidote to the need to fill time with stuff.

Overplanning is a great way to ruin a fabulous trip. When we getaway, we need only plan transport and stay. We don’t need to concern ourselves with how we are going to spend our time once we get there. Of course we may bring a book or puzzle if we have one we’ve been meaning to peruse, but even that is non-essential. Many of these places have small stores on site or close by where you can pick up something if you feel the need.

In short, all-inclusive travel requires less planning in exchange for ALL of your basic needs being met. Shuttles to and from the airport, lodging, meals, views, pools, beaches, grounds, base activities and sometimes even alcoholic drinks are included in your fee. Be sure to read the fine print about what is and isn’t included; we don’t like to be caught off guard.

Especially when we are first starting out in travel it is important for us to set for ourselves achievable adventures. Alternatively, some of us may have been seasoned travelers before the pandemic and now are finding ourselves seeking an easier, more manageable schedule. All-inclusive destinations make delicious vacations. We can take this opportunity to find the places that cover us, show us a good time and teach us a little “treat yo’self”.

2. Travel Budgeting for Beginners.

An antidote to unexpected costs and financial strain.

In addition to less planning the details of our travel, all-inclusive travel gives us a break when it comes to budgeting. I’m not saying that all-inclusive travel is cheap. The cost includes many things and depending on where you go, the expense can run the gamut. BUT when it comes to knowing how much you are spending, the all-inclusive experience is an excellent way to steer clear of unexpected costs and future financial strain. There’s nothing more anxiety-inducing than getting home from a fabulous getaway and having to keep paying for your “relaxation” for months, even years after.

With all-inclusive travel, we are given the cost structure of our trip up front. This gives us the option to save a lump sum with which to pay off our credit card right after we make the purchase. No worrying about future us. Future us is the best! Our relaxation is fully covered before we begin.

In conclusion, once you have figured transport to your chosen locale and paid the necessary fees to your resort or stay, usually a nightly rate, you’re ready to getaway.

3. Towel Dog, Mini Margaritas & Cake.

An antidote to homesickness.

Travel is hard for a lot of reasons. What plagues our anxious minds in daily life plagues us in travel, too. We all learn to cope with our anxiety in one way or another, but it is much more difficult to escape or take a break when we do not have the option to retreat to our cozy, familiar spaces.

If you’re reading this and you do not experience anxiety, you may be thinking, “Isn’t that what a getaway is for? You are in a place of perpetual retreat! Why would you need to getaway at a getaway?”

You lucky, lucky soul.

The little extras make all of the difference when you are away from home and you can’t see past it. Trembling in the airport in Mexico — a place I’d never been — I was brought to beaming with the tiniest frozen margarita I’d ever seen. It was served in a shot glass and I felt instantly welcomed. I think about these feelings: when you’re watching old timey movies and people land in Hawaii and someone puts a lei around their neck to welcome them, or when someone from across the water kisses you on both cheeks, or when you’re so happy to be wherever you are that you lay flat on the ground to press your face against the earth and breathe in the musty smell of home.

This is the connection I felt holding my tiny cup of slush. It was small, but it meant to me that I was welcomed and it reminded me why I had made the effort of minimal, yet triggering plans to arrive in a place I’d wanted to go. In addition, I was greeted at the resort by a towel in the shape of a pitbull on my bed. I don’t know if they knew I’d had to leave mine at home, but it made me so ecstatic I thought I’d cry.

The cake was probably requested by my travel buddies. I am grateful for the company of both of my sisters, my bro-in-law and my cousin for coming along for the ride and for making it super special. The little extras can help us feel less homesick. Sometimes we get to feel like we’re being welcomed to a new home by the places we stay and the people we meet. Sometimes though, we get to bring a bit of home with us in the shape of humans that believe in our big dreams and brighten our days.

4. Eat (& maybe Drink).

An antidote to the fear of being overruled.

Much of my particular flavor of anxiety was born in response to having early needs that were not met. Because this early practice was consistent and predictable, I am now faced with fear and anxiety associated with the simplest of needs. It is a daily battle.

We all know the physiological symptoms of fear: sweaty palms, quickening and/or thumping pulse, goosebumps, darting thoughts, stomach pain or bile bubbles that burn the throat. These symptoms are meant to keep us alive. Our ancestors survived by fighting or by running from, say, bears. We still react in the same way when we feel threatened; we encounter and feel similar symptoms during the “fight, freeze or flight” reaction which can feel similar to those of anxiety, especially during attacks of panic.

When we grow up with needs that aren’t met and not just not met, overruled, we may find ourselves faced with a lifetime of reacting like a bear is chasing us when we have a need for something so basic as food or drink. The fear of not getting this basic need met is enough to keep adult us squirreling away vittles of food in drawers as we carry totes full of snacks and water with us wherever we go.

We may not know we’re feeling it, but this fear affects us over time. At best, we may come to realize we have grown a complicated relationship with food and getting fed. At worst, we may battle our experiences with eating disorders of every kind.

If you have issues like mine, travel will most assuredly trigger your fear of not getting what you need to eat or drink when you need it. Today I am learning that I can feed myself, in travel and in life. I can meet my own needs like they were never met: with kindness, certainty and joy.

I felt relieved by my all-inclusive getaway. It’s a relief to know where your next meal is coming from, whenever you need or want it. It’s a relief to know the meeting of your own needs doesn’t depend on who’s with you or what you’ve accomplished. It’s a comfort to go into a restaurant that will serve you all of the plates you want — and maybe the glasses — so that you can practice not being afraid that you will be overruled.

5. Get Your Add-On: Massages & More.

An antidote to feeling lost.

There are many ways we can find ourselves when we feel lost. Feeling “lost” is one of the first descriptors I used to voice when I was feeling anxious. It became a sort of signal to myself. When I begin to feel that “lost “ feeling, I know that my anxiety needs attention.

We don’t have coping mechanisms until we do. I admit that this feeling of lostness went on happening for years and I coped in the only way I had been taught to respond: with a critical, poisonous voice that tried to muscle me out of my anxiety.

Not surprisingly, this did not work. As I learn and grow, I am seeing my lostness and responding in ways that are helpful, even supportive. These truths can be stumbled upon, but I have learned many of them in therapy and alongside friends and coworkers and lovers and animals who treat me better than I knew was possible. Additionally, I walk the path of one who didn’t know their own likes and dislikes, so now I search for desire around every corner with the curiosity of a child adventurer.

It was on this path of desire-discovery that I began finding the things that help me find myself when I feel lost. If you want to head down this path I highly recommend it, but don’t be fooled. It is strewn with the carcasses of dreams that once stood tall, slain by your own hand or by those of the ones who were supposed to love and protect you at a time. Sharing this path, however, are the keys to the treasure that is you.

One of the ways I learned to become unlost was on a yoga mat. Not in the part of the class when I was twisting and stretching, but in the part when I was staying and breathing and simply being. This practice taught me how to reenter my body when it felt like I had lost my head.

Activities that bring us back into ourselves are common in locations that excel at the art of the getaway. Many of these activities are not part of base packages, but if you have a bit of extra cash perhaps an opportunity for reentry is in order. This includes yoga classes, learning experiences, massages, spa packages, nature walks, bonfires, sunrise/sunset watching and other small excursions.

We will always gain by doing more of the things we love. However if you don’t know what activities bring you back from feeling lost, the only way to find those things is by trial. All-inclusive trips are great for this search because getaways like to have a plethora of relaxing, mindful and mood-enhancing options to choose from.

On this particular trip, I sprung for the beachside massage. The enclosure was private, even while its walls waved with the ocean breeze. As I climbed in between the white sheets, I brought my body and my mind along. The masseuse’s hands wove body and mind together with sweeping strokes that felt in time with the waves of the water waiting outside the flowing walls of my cozy, if temporary, linen cave. I felt found.

6. Home Base.

An antidote to overstimulation.

As an anxious girl and an introvert, I need to balance my time as fabulous, growing, wild-hearted traveler with time apart. To accommodate this, I’ll need a place to go that has a door where I can step aside for a brain brake. I’ll need an amount of time away from activity to reset and center at least once, sometimes multiple times a day. Re-centering can take a minute or two or it could take up to an hour or more if recharging is in order. However long we need, there is no better place for a rest than our home-away-from-home.

The all-inclusive stay acts as an incredible home base for the anxious traveler. We get to choose if we leave our home base at all. We may choose to stick around our home base, but if we choose to leave for a bit we leave knowing that we have a place to return to that meets our needs for a recharge upon our return. This means that while we are away, we don’t need to hold back our fabulous, wild-hearted adventurer from unleashing themselves on their excursion.

It’s as much a surprise to me today as it was to me then that I went on this little excursion to spend the day in nearby Sayulita. It was adorable. The beach was lovely for sitting and sunning and it was full of locals selling their wares. The town itself was colorful and artsy, showcasing vendors who sold trinkets and necessities in neat rows on black velvet carpets over the cement. The buildings were painted in bright colors. It was another world to me altogether and I did reset when I got back to our resort, as is common to need when you experience something of great value.

Some say when we need to getaway it’s because we “need a little R&R” (rest & relaxation). I agree. In the case of this anxious girl, she may need a little R&R (reset & recharge) along with her R&R, and that’s okay, too.

7. The Concierge Connection

An antidote to the fear of making a mistake.

Whatever the reason for our getaway, we carry with us our worries. The most common and heinous is that of FOMM, or the fear of making mistakes. Similar to FOMO — the fear of missing out — we feel this at home and in idyllic, fabulous places despite our wanting to leave our fears behind.

The fact is our fears often worsen when we travel, so it is nice to know there are remedies to our woes. One of these such remedies is the use of the information desk, or as I like to call it The Concierge Connection.

These people stand to help us have a great experience. Perhaps we have barely made it to our getaway intact. Perhaps we planned and paid and then got nervous and doubted our travels. Perhaps something went wrong in transit the morning we were to leave and we were running late so we forgot our wallet at the security checkpoint in the airport. Perhaps we didn’t have time to eat breakfast and we boarded our plane panting and devastated, anxious for travel while knowing we’ll need to attend to our house that we left in shambles upon our return.

We may find comfort in seeking assistance to remember and prioritize our pleasure.

The Concierge Connection is a state of relationship that we can (optionally) create with the information desk. This connection includes basic pamphlets of amenities and guest information, maps of your location and hours of operation of important services like spas, beaches, bars & restaurants. It may include a small gift shop or a wall of pamphlets and now online access to portals that showcase local attractions and destinations for tourists.

At their best, the concierge — the desk and if we’re lucky, the human standing behind it — can act as our eyes and ears to the best our getaway has to offer and tips on how to make it happen. Many times they will arrange transport or book reservations for meals, spa appointments, tours and trips within and beyond the bounds of our stay.

As an anxious girl, I live in constant fear of making mistakes.

We choose to tell our fear to get in the backseat each time we ask for assistance abroad. Asking for and accepting help is not easy for the anxious because our becoming learned that trust was of little use to us, if not detrimental.

There is confidence waiting in our unbecoming. When we allow the pros to work for our pleasure instead of reliving the pain of our past, we show that we are ready to take responsibility for our good time and trust that our choices are in line with what we know to be true about ourselves. The concierge is there for that; they are happy to act a part in our practice to release ourselves from FOMM altogether.

8. Make it Yours.

An antidote to perfectionism.

One of the best amenities of all-inclusive travel is the knowledge that the expectations from outside of ourselves are very, very low. This is an excellent time to practice lowering our own expectations of ourselves in hopes that we will come to find comfort in a more peaceful state of mind that is less carried away by the “shoulds” of perfectionism.

Should is the worst word. I love most words, but I have come to the banks of loathing with the word “should”. If I were given the option, I would pitch it into that raging river to watch it be carried away to oblivion. It belongs in the deepest pit. What rest we would find if we never had to feel the weight of its guilt upon us, the shame it pulls from our very souls.

Enough of should, let’s cut to the picture of this bird -

We need only travel the way we do. All-inclusive travel has not a should in sight. Want to pose like a happy fool with this parrot? Yes, please and thank you.

Want to stay in bed all day with the curtains drawn watching shows you would at home? Yes, please and thank you.

Want to lay by the beach all day and read smut? Yes, please and thank you.

Want to flirt with all of the pool boys and girls and drink pool-coladas all day? Yes, please and thank you.

My point is this: anything you want to do is the right thing to do. All-inclusive travel is an excellent way to practice letting go of every should. Of course, be excellent to others, do no harm and all that, but let your perfectionist sit in the back seat. Talk to them, train them even. Polly Perfectionist want a cracker?

9. Celebrate.

An antidote to dissatisfaction.

During and after our travels we have the opportunity to celebrate our baby steps. Travel in any form is anxiety-inducing, but if we learn to celebrate, to reward ourselves for every win no matter how small, we will find ourselves filling with desire for a better life at home and abroad.

How else are we supposed to learn that our life can be more if we do not introduce ourselves to our inner celebrateur? If you are like me, you may have made a habit out of bringing this player out in full force for others’ wins while letting them sleep, comatose to our own successes, our own dreams fulfilled.

At the end of our travels, we may find ourselves getting that lost feeling again. This vision of such an end feels to me as if I were about to fall off of a cliff into darkness. If we have given in to releasing some of the bonds of our own expectations, it makes sense we feel breathless at the thought of returning to our own lives, which look restricting to our traveled eyes, now so full of undulating waves and far from should.

We bridge the gap between paradise and home with one precious choice: the choice to celebrate our accomplishments, big and small. Of course we can feed our anxiety, which whispers and then screams to us that our life is all wrong, that we have made so many mistakes, that we are not enough, that our life is not worthy. Or.

We can say: I DID IT. I traveled. I saw the most beautiful things. I looked out over sunshining waters and stuck my toes in the sand. I walked into a lounge pool in a bikini for the first time ever. I traveled with family and had fun. I woke up early and napped in the middle of the day. I ate. I drank. I ventured. I won. I was brave. I said yes to travel.

Big Love & Happy Travels,

Brett Jenae, The Anxious Girl