12 Harsh Truths About Life

Accepting These Truths Will Make Your Life Easier

So technically I’m an “adult” (whatever that means).

I can legally drink.

I can drive.

I can do all the adult stuff (well, actually I still don’t understand how to do taxes).

But anyway, as I have been stumbling my way into adulthood, there are have some harsh truths that I have realized about growing up.

These truths have been hard to accept. My rose-colored glasses of what I thought adulthood would be like have worn off.

It’s not all rosy rainbows and sunshine. Maybe I come off a bit cynical but accepting these truths has also made life easier and more freeing in a weird, paradoxical way.

No One Cares About You

This hits me in the feels.

People are inherently selfish. We all want things in our best interests.

Most people only care about their intimate circle of friends and family. Random strangers, not so much. Our society lacks empathy these days.

However, while this may sound depressing, there comes freedom when no one is paying attention to what you do.

No one cares if you want to watch a movie by yourself. No one cares if you’re sitting alone at a coffee shop. No one cares what outfit you’re wearing.

You have the choice to do what interests you. And that itself is a freeing thought.

You Won’t Be Friends With Everyone

I have a confession to make. I use to define myself by how many friends I had. I would count my friends like Facebook does on your profile’s mutual friend list. I felt the more “friends” I had meant more status and self-value. I used friendships to define my identity and confidence. The more people liked me and wanted to be my friend, the more perceived ‘value’ I had. I saw people like a number to add to my growing friend list. I expected them to do certain things and when they didn’t do that, I would begin to question our friendship.

When I would go to social events, I expected to make friends there. In fact, I had high expectations for my friends.

However, I only made acquaintances.

The truth is I looked to people for validation. I thought the more people liked me meant the more friends I had which increased my self-worth.

However, I have come to realize that mindset was toxic and unhealthy.

Your self-worth and identity are not defined by how popular you are or how many friends you have. Your value as a human being is not defined by other people at all. Period.

The hard truth is that most people you meet will not be your friends. They will probably be your acquaintances, only a small proportion will actually put in the effort to become your friend.

You will not connect with everyone you meet. People have unique personalities, interests, hobbies, beliefs, and values. Sometimes those will align with yours and other times it won’t.

However, that doesn’t mean you won’t make friends. You will meet many people and some will become great friends with you.

Friendships take energy and effort over a consistent time. It needs to be reciprocal, like a two-way street.

You won’t connect with everyone. Not everyone wants to be friends with you or reciprocate and that’s okay. The world has over 7 billion people who all have unique personalities and interests. There are bound to be people you will connect with. Your tribe is out there!

You will never find someone who is exactly like you in everything but you will find people who share similar interests and hobbies as you.

Most People Will Come And Go In Your Life

This is also a hard pill to swallow.

I’ve always had the idea of “best friends forever”. I thought that when I made a new friend, we would be friends for a very long time, almost like a ride or die person. The harsh truth is that most friendships and relationships will end.

However, I am realizing that there is no point in being a ride-or-die friend. Life happens. Things change. You change. They change. People drift apart from each other and this undeserved loyalty I was giving to my friends was not reciprocated.

I would get upset if people ghosted me or didn’t invite me to hang out with them. It felt like a personal attack on my identity.

When people walked out of my life, when I cut toxic people out and I lost friends, it was hard to let go. It felt like breaking up with a friend.

However, it’s not all bad.

Hopefully, you will find new friends. If not, that is okay as well. It’s okay to be by yourself. You don’t need to rush to find another friend or get into a relationship.

Learn to let go of people that are no longer serving you or making you better. It’s better to be alone than with toxic people that drag you down.

Life Is Not Fair

Everyone is born with different strengths and weaknesses. We all come from different backgrounds, races, socioeconomic statuses, personalities, and interests. Some people have more privileges than others. You are your own unique person.

I use to think that we are all equal, that the background, religion, race, or gender that we are born into do not affect our lives at all.

However, that is very wrong. Unfortunately, society is not equal. Racism still exists. Sexism still exists. Poverty still exists. Our world still has problems.

While we are all born with different ‘cards’ like gender, race, personality, and interests, it’s more about how we play those ‘cards’.

We can use our perceived weaknesses as motivation or stressors. We can use our race to unite others who feel similarly. We work on improving our interests or suppressing them.

How you perceive your life is everything.

You Cannot Control Everything

I am a self-confessed control freak, a bit of a type-A personality, and a bit perfectionistic.

I like to control almost all aspects of my life. I like to know what is coming ahead in the future. I have a deathly fear of the unknown and uncertainty.

That is why I love to plan out my life. Having those 5 year+ life plans (as unrealistic as they may be) lets my mind imagine what my future could be like.

However, when I was a kid, what I imagined adulthood to be like is VERY different from the reality of adulthood.

I thought I would have my life figured out by now. *Spoiler alert: I don’t.

I thought I would be on track with my career making a decent amount of money.

I thought I would have moved out or been traveling the world.

But nope, none of that has gone according to plan.

I am a different person every single year and I thought I would control who I was becoming and what my interests were.

The truth is, you can’t. You can’t control how you will change.

Sometimes, your perspective and interests change (for no particular reason). And you just accept that what interested you when you were younger, doesn’t interest you now. You create different goals and passions which may make you pivot and change your life course. You grow into a completely different person. That’s a sign you are growing and not becoming stagnant.

Maybe all you can do is accept it.

Accept that not everything is going to go according to plan. Accept that your life doesn’t have to have a linear path. Accept that your timeline is unique to you.

Accept the things that you can’t control and work on things that you can control.

You Will Spend The Most Time With Yourself

You will spend the majority of the time by yourself so get comfortable being alone.

In fact, in our lifetime we will spend the majority of the time by ourselves compared to our partners, family, and friends.

When you’re young in your 20s, you will spend more time with friends, family and your partner.

However, from your 30s to 50s, you will spend more time with your partner, children, and co-workers.

When you reach retirement age, you will spend a significant proportion of your time alone.

Society makes us feel that being alone is a ‘bad thing’. Something that needs to be fixed. However, solitude is something that we need, particularly if you are introverted.

We need time and space to decompress and relax. We need to gather our thoughts and solidify our belief system without the input of others.

Sometimes we need to be alone to figure out who we are and what we want to do.

Trust yourself because only you can rely on yourself to do things. You need to be your own best friend (as cheesy as that sounds).

Lower Your expectations

When I think back on the times that I was most upset or disappointed, it wasn’t because of a technical problem or mistake. It was when I expected something to happen but it never manifested into a reality.

In my first year of university, I expected that university life was going to be amazing. I would make lots of friends. I would be having fun and being reckless. I would go to parties and live it up. Forget the stress, anxiety, and confusion that university life would bring. I was supposed to be ‘living the life’.

Well, that reality never happened. And for my first year of university, I was sourly disappointed.

I was watching a Ted Talk which touched on the idea that happiness is when reality meets expectations, something called the expectation gap. And I have realized that to be true for most things in life.

However, that doesn’t mean you expect bad things to happen all the time or you wallow in despair and fall down a pit of cynicism. I’d rather not.

Instead of expecting certain things from yourself or certain things to happen in your life. Know the difference between having standards and boundaries vs having expectations. Accept your life and who you are as is. Go with the flow of your life rather than trying to force an outcome or expectation that you want to happen.

Expect that things won’t go according to plan.

Happiness Is A Choice Not Circumstantial

We all want to be happy right? It’s a universal goal.

For a long time, I based a lot of my happiness on my circumstances. During my first year of university, I hated the campus I was at. I desperately wanted to transfer to another university.

I felt so unhappy and I blamed it on my circumstances. However, once I got myself together and reflected on my situation. I realized that you can choose to be happy despite your circumstances. Your happiness is a choice that you can make. It’s not based on your life circumstances or what is currently happening to you.

Instead, it’s how you react to it. You can choose to be happy and grateful for the situation or not.

No matter what happens in your life, you can choose to be happy. You can choose how you will react at the moment.

Do What’s Right For You

Here’s a hard truth. You’re never going to be fully understood by everyone and that’s okay. No one is ever going to have lived in your shoes. No one has ever had the same exact experiences, thoughts, and feelings that you have had. No one will have the same perspective as you. We all come from different backgrounds and upbringings.

No two people are ever going to be alike. And while that may sound lonely, there is something very unique about each individual person.

Because we are all so unique, we each have something different to contribute and create.

You have a unique life path compared to your friends and family so you need to do what is right for you.

No one knows you better than yourself. At the end of the day, you know what your needs and wants are and how to achieve them.

Enjoy Your Life

One day you will die. That is the absolute truth of being human.

Our life on earth is actually very short and we don’t control when we leave.

So enjoy your life in the present moment. Spend more time being grateful and happy with your life than being sad or anxious about it. Spend time doing things that you enjoy and with people that you love.

Don’t take your life and body for granted because one day you will not be alive to appreciate it.

Be in the present moment, stop being so future-oriented. Nothing is permanent and everything changes. So enjoy the ride! You don’t need to control everything.

Life is not meant to be something is that is figured out.

Life is something to be enjoyed and experienced (with all the highs and lows)!

Conclusion

Growing up is not what I expected. It’s confusing, sad, depressing, and sometimes lonely. But growing up is also exciting, thrilling, challenging, and rewarding in so many more ways.

However, by accepting some of these truths, it has released some of the mental space in my brain to focus more on things that matter to me. I am trying to not dwell on things that I cannot control like how people treat me. I am also still trying to find a solid foundation for my identity and worth that is based on faith rather than external validation.

I have found myself to be growing and changing so much, especially this year in ways that I could never have expected. I hope that I continue to grow.

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