10 Things Men Do That Women Secretly Love
This is how you build sustained attraction
When you think about attraction, you probably think of a specific kind.
The first one that probably comes to mind is the kind that hits you with a powerful immediacy.
It’s the one you feel when you see someone who is jaw-droppingly hot. It’s the kind that takes you off-guard when you’re on the receiving end of a grand gesture. It’s what causes you to feel love at first sight.
It’s the kind of swooning attraction that fantasies are built on.
You see it in romantic comedies, where the meet-cute leaves a girl flustered and barely able to speak. You’ll feel it coming off the page when you read romance and erotica where a plain, bashful girl meets a guy who charms her by saying all the right things and pulling all the right moves.
It’s even better when you experience it in real life.
You get a glimmer of it when you come across a thirst trap that makes you pause your scrolling so you can linger on their photo for a while. You feel it when you see someone in public who draws your eyes until you snap out of it and realize you’ve been staring awkwardly at a stranger for way too long. You feel it when even a brief interaction with someone leaves you feeling flustered and full of butterflies.
That kind of intense attraction makes you stop and pay attention. It makes the person who gives you that feeling unforgettable.
It can also be really fleeting.
That attraction is incredibly powerful but it can go almost as easily as it comes.
You can lose it over the course of a relationship, when you get settled and their looks don’t quite have the same effect on you.
You can lose it over the course of a date, when it starts to dawn on you that you can’t even sustain a conversation with this hottie.
You can lose it almost as soon as you feel it, if they do something that shows they’re callous, rude, or inconsiderate.
That’s why you also need to build sustained attraction if you want to get anywhere with someone.
Sustained attraction is more subtle. You don’t always notice it when you’re feeling it, though you usually realize when it’s not there. But it’s the only kind of attraction that can keep you in it for the long haul.
Big gestures and spontaneity are great for keeping things fresh and interesting, but sustained attraction is built on smaller things.
Those little things are the ones that make you keep looking at your partner with deep appreciation that sometimes shades into lust. They’re the ones that make you feel safe and comfortable enough to be yourself around them. They’re the things that show you what kind of person your partner really is.
It’s what makes you excited to move a relationship along, motivates you to keep it steady, and keeps your sexual desire alive.
It’s also what you have to create if you want your date to turn into a partner or you want your relationship to stay strong and sexy over the long term.
If you want to make yourself more attractive to a woman, these are the small things a lot of us are looking for. They’re the ones that make us feel comfortable, loved, and very much into you.
He Vents With Her
This might seem like a weird one to start off with, but it matters to a lot of women.
A lot of women complain that they can’t come to their boyfriend or husband with anything that bothers them, frustrates them, or makes them upset because they go into problem-solving mode.
The problem is that we’re not always looking for solutions. Sometimes, we know exactly what we’re going to do about the situation we’re in and we just want to relate what we’re going through, share our feelings about it, and blow off some steam.
That’s why we love when a guy is willing to listen and join in on some of that venting.
We don’t want tips on solving the problems, we want to feel like we’ve been heard. In some cases, we just want to talk it out. We want to feel like the guy we’re venting to is in our corner.
When a guy jumps right to offering solutions, it feels like he’s trying to shut that down. Like he wants to end the conversation instead of engaging in it.
Plus, venting and commiserating shows sympathy, which is an attractive quality.
He Touches Her for No Reason
It’s easy to feel physically disconnected from someone. Even when you have plenty of sex, even when you get handsy when you’re horny, it can still leave you feeling a little distant every time in between.
Softly tracing your fingers up and down her arm, rubbing her back, and playing with her hair might not give her the same kind of electrifying feeling that your touch has during foreplay, but it will still be incredibly appreciated.
It’s not about passion, it’s about showing that you still want to touch her even when the passion has died down. It shows her that you want to be physically intimate with her even when it’s not sexual and won’t lead to sex.
Those are the touches that make her feel loved and appreciated. And it gives her some of the affection we all crave.
He Laughs Uncontrollably
Some guys have a hard time putting their guard down.
They try really hard to come across as cool, really put together, and too tough and stoic to show any strong emotions.
I get where they’re coming from because I’m self-conscious, too. But when that’s the only side of a guy we get to see, we’re aware that we’re not seeing the real him. We have no idea what he’s really like until he shows us a glimpse of himself.
That’s why it’s so attractive to see a guy laugh uncontrollably. It’s a moment when he’s letting his guard down. It’s a glimpse into who he really is, and seeing what gets a big reaction from him shows what kind of sense of humor he has.
Vulnerability is a very hot quality. So when you’re trying to charm someone, be sure to let your guard down and let yourself laugh.
He Brings Up Something She Said
It’s easy to fake being in the moment with someone. Ask any woman and she’ll tell you that guys have done a pretty convincing job of faking interest when all they wanted was to improve their shot at getting laid.
Genuine interest matters so much. It makes it clear that a guy isn’t just playing around so he can get in our pants. It shows that he actually likes us.
If she acts surprised and overjoyed when you bring up something she said in a previous conversation, that’s why. To you, it’s just a talking point. To her, it’s a sign that you’re attentive and engaged when she’s speaking to you.
It might seem like such a small thing, but it makes her feel heard and appreciated and those are extremely important to maintaining a connection and sustaining attraction.
He Lets Himself Be a Little Shy
Confidence is an extremely attractive quality. But it can be a turn-off if a guy doesn’t show at least a little humility.
Letting some of your shyness show is one way to reveal that humility. It’s a sign that you’re secure enough to let yourself get flustered in front of her.
Plus it’s cute as hell, which can win some major attraction points.
It also means that the flirtation and seduction aren’t too one-sided. Even submissive women like me who want to be chased don’t actually want to feel like we’re passively getting romanced. We want to flirt back and pull out all our moves.
We don’t just want a guy who has an effect on us — we want to know that we have an effect on him too. Knocking him off his game feels like we’ve accomplished that.
No one expects you to fake being shy. But if you feel a bit bashful around her, there’s no reason to hide it. Let her see that she makes you a little nervous.
He Knows That “No Means No” Isn’t Enough
Sexual boundaries are non-negotiable. But in a lot of hookups and relationships, they’re treated like they’re flexible.
The most popular slogan for sexual consent has been “no means no,” which is absolutely essential. But it’s also not enough. You can refuse to step over someone’s line and still pester, cajole, and push in the hopes that they move that line.
That kind of behavior is completely uncool, but it’s also really common. A lot of women experience it when they’re in a relationship with a guy who has a higher sex drive than they do. His sexual frustration can result in him treating sex like a prize that he absolutely needs to get or an expectation that he feels entitled to.
When you’re in one of those situations, your sex life stops being about sex. It becomes about his ego and about claiming something he feels he deserves.
Instead of flirting and charming his way into her pants, he gets pushy, pouty, or starts laying on the guilt. Needless to say, that’s not attractive at all. It’s a complete turn-off. And it takes all the fun out of something that should be extremely playful and pleasurable.
Even women who love to be pursued want to give their enthusiastic consent to sex. Even those of us who avidly devour erotic novels with women being overpowered and subdued by alpha males or who get off to consensual nonconsent porn would rather not have any reluctant sex.
So, pursue her with passion and desire her intensely. But always approach sex like it’s something you’re both doing together and that you both should be excited about.
Respecting her boundaries will make her think of you as her sex partner, as the guy she wants to get up to all sorts of shenanigans with. It means she doesn’t have to be careful about what she agrees to and doesn’t always have to be the gatekeeper — which is not a sexy role to play.
For the most part, this is easy to achieve. All it takes is a change in mindset. Instead of seeing her boundaries as the things that are spoiling your fun, you can think of them as the zones that you’re allowed to play in.
Maybe she’s grossed out by swallowing. Maybe anal is an absolute no for her. Maybe she’s not interested in roleplaying or bondage. Maybe she has a hard time getting fully naked in a brightly lit room. Maybe she only wants to have sex every other week.
Whatever it is, it still creates lots of space for you to be intimate with her, enjoy being with her, and get turned on by her.
Recognizing that and knowing how to play in that space is going to make her feel loved, respected, and excited to be with you. And those all play a big role in how much attraction she feels.
He Wears Nice Socks and Underwear
Some guys treat socks and underwear like an afterthought. They make sure their shirt, pants, and shoes look good but they treat what they wear under them as if it was strictly functional.
But believe me when I tell you that she is going to notice them.
You can go classic black with the socks if you want, but it’s a good opportunity to make a bold statement. You can wear bolder colors or patterns and it will show that you put some thought into them, that you made some aesthetic choices instead of grabbing the first pair you saw when you were shopping.
And definitely make sure your underwear game is strong. There’s this myth that women aren’t visually aroused when it comes to sex, but that’s complete and total nonsense. We get turned on by naked bodies. We get excited when we see a dick (unless it showed up in our DMs without consent). And we get hot at the sight of a guy wearing attractive underwear.
She might not comment on it or say anything when you’re decked in really nice boxer briefs. But she will definitely appreciate the sight of them when she’s tugging your pants down.
He Uses His Hands
There’s just something about a guy doing something manual that’s really fucking hot. Even more so when his forearms are exposed.
There’s just something appealing about a guy doing anything with physicality, precision, or finesse. It can be stereotypically manly stuff like swinging an ax to split wood or something more delicate like picking at guitar strings.
So if you want to make her take notice, roll up your sleeves and get to work. Knead some dough to make her a meal from scratch, use your DIY skills to build her something, do some maintenance work on her car or her bike, or anything else that shows you don’t mind keeping your hands busy.
He Smirks When She Says Something Clever
Sometimes, it’s hard to build a connection with someone and it’s not because we don’t think he’s smart or funny or charming — it’s because he doesn’t seem to recognize when we are.
We love a guy who can appreciate everything we’ve got and we look for little signs that he does.
Like when he seems impressed (but not surprised) that we’ve said something intelligent or insightful.
When he laughs at our jokes instead of just treating them as setups for him to tell some of his own.
When he smirks when we say something clever or witty instead of being stonefaced.
Those are the things that will make her feel seen and appreciated. Not just because she’s gorgeous and fuckable. Not just because she’s available and reliable. But also for the ways she’s smart and funny.
He Kisses Her in All the Right Spots
Kissing sometimes falls to the wayside when you’ve been with someone long enough. But keeping it up is an important part of keeping the attraction going.
How you kiss her matters, too. And where.
You can kiss her lips passionately to show her that you want her and desire her.
You can kiss her hips, thighs, and stomach as part of your foreplay. And you can (and should) be putting your mouth on her nipples and pussy to give her some serious pleasure.
But it’s kissing her on the forehead that is going to make her feel loved and cared for. It’s tender and intimate. So is kissing her neck while you’re cuddling. Make sure you don’t neglect them if you want her to feel really drawn to you.
Make It Last
A lot of guys try really hard to create the immediate, heartstopping kind of attraction. They want the women they meet to feel like they’ve been struck by a bolt of sexy lightning.
Fuckbois basically dedicate their entire lives to trying to create that kind of spark.
Other guys worry that they can’t compete because they don’t tend to have that effect on women.
But in the end, it doesn’t really matter. Every woman loves to feel that initial flash of arousal. We get excited when it feels like we’re being swept off our feet.
The thing we want more than anything else, though, is an attraction that lasts. We don’t want our emotions to be on a constant roller coaster. We might stare at certain guys but they’re not always the ones we would actually want to date. And when we feel the hots for someone, we want to know we’ll still feel that way a year or two down the road.
That’s the kind of attraction that matters. And you’ve got everything it takes to create it.
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