CLUSTER C PERSONALITY DISORDERS

10 Signs You Might Have Avoidant Personality Disorder

For those who ever wondered whether they have AvPD

1. You have a fearful-avoidant attachment style leaning towards anxious preoccupied

People with this attachment style fear abandonment and have a deep-seated fear of rejection, which means they worry that they will be hurt if they allow themselves to become too close to others. As a result, they can go to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection, such as by people-pleasing even at a cost to themselves or making suicide threats to guilt people into staying in relationships.

They are uncomfortable getting close to others, even though they want emotionally intimate relationships. They find it difficult to trust and depend on people. They may push people away despite their fear of abandonment because they feel ill at ease with emotional closeness. They view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners.

2. You have had mood lability from a young age

While it’s normal to have experiences with anxiety and depression throughout life, it is not normal if these are chronic and experienced most of the time.

People with AvPD are emotionally dysregulated. Their emotions are all over the place, and these are often unexpected, eruptive, explosive, dysregulated, chaotic and disorganised. It can also be difficult for them to label these emotions.

They tend to suffer from emotional swings (day to day changes), extreme social anxiety, pervasive shame (sense that you are flawed and defective as a human being), depression and poor self-esteem. They often have a “thin skin” and take things personally, feel like they are a burden to others, externalise blame or blame themselves whenever there’s a conflict.

3. You struggle with perfectionism

This can manifest as workaholism or eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, but in the case of people with AvPD, it tends to mainly revolve around social situations. Because they are so scared of criticism, they have an innate need to be perfect. The more insecurities they have, the more perfectionistic they will tend to be.

Unlike the perfectionistic tendencies we can find amongst healthy people, people with this disorder will take this to the extreme by striving for grandiose standards and extremely high ideals that are impossible to attain. Having any faults or weaknesses exposed to other people makes them feel very shameful and this causes them to be highly vulnerable to life setbacks.

4. You struggle with high levels of social anxiety

The most significant issue for people with AvPD and the main characteristic of the disorder is social anxiety. People with AvPD tend to be relatively isolated. Even if they want to interact with others, due to their sensitivity to criticism, they fear placing their well-being in the hands of others. As a result, they tend to limit their interactions with people and lack a supportive network that can help them when they need it.

Their social anxiety can lead people with this disorder to avoid occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection. In social situations, they may be afraid to speak up for fear of saying the wrong thing. They want to avoid blushing, stammering or feeling embarrassed in any other way. They may also spend a lot of time anxiously studying people around them for signs of approval or rejection. If complimented, they often act overly modest and minimise the value of their skills.

5. You are preoccupied with being criticised or rejected in social situations

People with AvPD are timid and socially inhibited. They are also often unwilling to get involved with others unless they are confident people will like them. Before joining a group and forming a close relationship, they may require repeated assurances of support and uncritical acceptance. Their tense and anxious appearance may become a self-fulfilling prophecy by eliciting mockery or teasing.

People with this disorder are sensitive to even slightly critical or disapproving comments. As a result, they are vigilant for any sign of a negative response to them and often misinterpret neutral events as negative or hostile. Because they are hypervigilant, they are prone to believe others are mocking them. Even constructive and well-meant criticism or disagreement can be perceived as complete rejection, ridicule, and shaming.

6. You are a people pleaser and you avoid conflict

Because people with AvPD are extremely sensitive to criticism and want to avoid this at all costs, they have a need to be well-liked. They are preoccupied with what other people might think about them. They often become people pleasers to get people to like them and avoid rejection. They will have difficulty saying “no” and may even enable others’ self-destructive actions such as alcohol or drug use, addictions, gambling, and abusive behaviours whilst neglecting their needs in a relationship.

People with this disorder also avoid conflict as this makes them highly anxious. Their social anxiety prevents them from being able to express themselves adequately. They will often have a freeze response to a conflict and may pretend to agree with the other person even though they feel differently. They may also take the blame even if something isn’t their fault.

7. You have low self-esteem

People with AvPD often view themselves as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others. Their low self-esteem inhibits them in social situations, especially new ones. They tend to be quiet and timid and try to disappear because they think that if they say anything, others will say it is wrong. They are reluctant to talk about themselves because they are scared that they may be mocked or humiliated. They worry they may blush or cry if they are criticized.

8. You avoid intimate relationships because of fear of being shamed or ridiculed

People with AvPD often have trouble maintaining meaningful relationships. They lack trust in others and a fear of rejection, which prevents them from opening up and meeting new people. It may even make them avoid intimate relationships altogether.

Their relationships can be highly frustrating for both parties. People with this disorder often experience relationships as stressful and emotionally draining. They have learned to rely on themselves and feel uncomfortable if they depend on someone, or others depend on them. As a result, they may attempt to detach from their partners by avoiding physical closeness and deep conversation or isolating themselves.

9. You are reluctant to take personal risks or engage in any new activities due to fear of embarrassment

People with AvPD tend to prefer a limited lifestyle because of their need for security and certainty. As a result, they may exaggerate the dangers and use minimal symptoms or other problems to explain their avoidance of trying new things.

10. You are passive-aggressive

People with personality disorders struggle to be direct as they have difficulty expressing themselves and their emotions. Because of this, they find other ways to communicate their anger and resentments. For example, silent treatment, backhanded compliments, keeping score in relationships, high levels of sarcasm, denying the existence of problems, and refusing to talk about them are all signs of passive aggression.

People with AvPD struggle to be assertive, and as a result, if something has bothered them, they are unlikely to express their anger directly. For instance, if their partners came home very late and this upset them, talking about it directly would be difficult. So instead, they are likely to resort to passive-aggressive behaviours such as being cold towards their partner all evening or giving them silent treatment.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596

Eikenaes, I., Pedersen, G., & Wilberg, T. (2016). Attachment styles in patients with avoidant personality disorder compared with social phobia. Psychology and psychotherapy, 89(3), 245–260. https://doi.org/10.1111/papt.12075

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