1 Year Alcohol-Free: Here’s What I’ve Learned & Why I’m Not Going Back

Sobriety shouldn’t be reserved for “alcoholics”

Alittle over a year ago, I was out with friends sipping watermelon margaritas in steamy Brooklyn. I was already much less into alcohol then, but I had a drink because we were celebrating a big reunion and I wanted to cheers with everyone. I barely finished my cocktail that night, and little did I know that this would be my last drink (at least for a while).

What had started as “sober curiosity” in March of last year slowly but surely developed into the conviction to try out the alcohol-free lifestyle as the summer months proceded.

Just a year earlier, if you’d meet me you would’ve rightfully judged me as an extraordinarily enthusiastic drinker. One of millions in Manhattan. I was the kind of drinker friends could always rely on to join in, whether it was wine at dinner, pregaming before going out, the occasional mid-day glass of bubbly on the weekend, or one too many tequila sodas on a late night out. Living in New York drinking culture was deeply ingrained in my social life, and I had a ton of fun with it. Maybe a little too much fun at times.

So why on earth did I stop? Did my drinking become problematic?

I Was An Enthusiastic Drinker Most Of My Life & Never Had The Intention To Stop Drinking

Depends on how you define problematic.

Was I an alcoholic?

No, certainly not. I never drank alone, could easily go without a drink for days or weeks at a time, and I usually only drank a couple of nights per week.

Did my drinking negatively impact the quality of my life?

That’s a trickier question.

While I very much enjoyed the late nights out, countless drunken heart-to-hearts with friends, and the tipsy post-brunch explorations around the city, I also had my share of regrettable texts, conversations, and hookups. And more often than not, I drank like I did most other things: compulsively.

And then, of course, the hangovers. Approaching my late 20s, they got progressively worse (as they do for everyone). Gone was my ability to drink all night and wake up the next morning as a happy, functioning human. Increasingly, the aftermath completely derailed me and would sometimes linger for multiple days. When you work a lot during the week and spend one whole day of your precious weekend in Zombieland (even if you only had a few drinks with dinner), you begin to question whether what you’re doing is really so fun.

Actually, many people won’t question, but I certainly did.

Earlier that year in January I had intentionally gone without alcohol for a month after some questionable romantic decisions on New Year’s Eve. I remember going to a party in late January completely sober for the first time in my life, and I had the absolute best time. Engaging conversations and a nice early Irish exit, just how I like it.

But would I ever consider not drinking as a real option? Absolutely not. In no world would I give up on this fun way to socialize, connect, loosen up, and escape the mediocrity of day-to-day life. Or so I thought.

Until an unexpected intervention taught me otherwise.

Ayahuasca Removed My Cravings For Alcohol From One Day To The Next

Said intervention was not a concerned family member. As mentioned, my drinking was never alarming to those around me. Not lastly because our drinking behaviors are so normalized culturally that most don’t judge.

No, the intervention came in the form of a plant. A plant that has been served in the Amazonian jungle as medicine for the soul for thousands of years. A plant that I turned towards in an effort to heal my decade-long eating disorder.

Technically, Ayahuasca is not one but two plants that are prepared to a brew and consumed ceremonially. And it’s one hell of a psychedelic brew. I won’t get too much into it here — I’ve written tons about it if you’re interested in the topic (here, here, and here). As part of the preparation for Ayahuasca ceremonies, each participant is encouraged to follow the “dieta”, which removes all stimulants from your diet (caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, drugs) as well as some other foods (such as meat and dairy products). You follow the dieta ideally for two weeks before and after, so by the time I got back from my retreat in Costa Rica I hadn’t had a drink in over a month.

But then, after my week-long retreat, the most unexpected thing happened: My urge to drink alcohol completely disappeared.

I couldn’t believe it.

I hadn’t even had the intention to work on my relationship with alcohol, and it wasn’t a topic during any of my journeys. Still, all physical cravings were gone from one week to another. I suddenly understood why so many addicts (successfully) turn to Ayahuasca for help with their addiction.

Not Drinking Became A Spiritual Exercise As I Explored “Sober Curiosity”

If you’d ask my friends how likely it would be that I ever lose the urge to drink, they’d all tell you the same: as likely as Kanye West becoming president.

But after my retreat, I just couldn’t ignore the voice that quietly whispered “you don’t need to drink anymore”. So I rode with it. I created the space to connect with that voice during the few months of exploration that followed.

I read Sober Curious, a book by Ruby Warrington that propagates sobriety as a wellness movement (rather than a response to addiction). As instructed by Warrington, I became curious every time I considered drinking. While all the physical cravings were gone, I still experienced emotional cravings from time to time. Sometimes it was peer pressure, other times it was special occasions like my birthday or bespoke reunion and the illusion that alcohol would embellish them, again other times it was FOMO because my hobby-sommelier friend brought something along that I thought I absolutely had to taste.

I began to ask myself why I wanted to drink every time I felt inclined to, and what I expected it would do for me. Then afterward, I’d see if it did what I thought it would do. Every single time I drank over those few months (which I can probably count on two hands), I was disappointed:

1. Alcohol didn’t taste as good anymore as I expected it to taste
2. It also didn’t feel as fun to be tipsy, I increasingly preferred complete presence and sharpness of my mind at all times
3. The aftermath even after just two glasses of wine the next day simply didn’t feel worth it anymore, given (1) & (2)

So in August of last year, after some intentional experimentation, I decided to just let it go and dropped alcohol completely for the unforeseeable future. I knew that culturally it would be easier to be an occasional social drinker than completely sober, but I just didn’t see the value anymore.

From then on, when I thought I craved a drink, I asked myself what I was actually craving. Then I explored if there would be other ways to get that feeling that I desired. For example, if I wanted to numb out and escape, I could watch a gripping movie or some shallow reality TV. If I was craving deep connection, I could invite over a friend and initiate an open, heartfelt conversation. If I wanted to let loose and have fun, I could go dance.

Becoming sober ended up being much, much easier than I thought it would be as I realized how fantastic the alcohol-free lifestyle felt in my body, spirit and mind. I became increasingly proud about it, too. Because it made me a better person, and it simply felt (and still continues to feel) wonderful.

Quitting Drinking Increased My Self-Awareness & Changed My Views On Alcohol

I’ve had some key realizations since unraveling my relationship with alcohol. They came from trial and error, observation, and from the sobriety resources I exposed myself to. The longer I’ve been sober, the more I love it.

So let me share some thoughts on why I believe sobriety is so fantastic.

1. Peak experiences truly don’t need anything to be enjoyed (especially not a depressant)

It’s incredibly ironic that humans choose to celebrate special occasions with a downer. When I told my mom this, she said “but it’s not a downer for me! I feel so great when I drink!”. Maybe that’s what it feels like to you. But chemically, alcohol is a depressant. I’ve now had many opportunities to witness the effects of alcohol on others while being sober— and while you may feel bubbly, I notice the slurred speech, disoriented gaze, slow thinking, and repetitive communication as the night goes on.

What we truly want to do when a moment is absolutely beautiful, whether it’s a wedding, a sunset, or a big birthday party is to be as present as possible. Because the more present we’ll be, the more we’ll enjoy it.

Alcohol prevents you from being present. For me, it also frequently exacerbated the voice of my inner critic, which would pull me out of the situation and into my head. I’d be less and more concerned with what people thought about me at the same time. Hard to explain but perhaps you relate?

2. If you’re an empath, drinking can feel especially good because it prevents overstimulation in social settings

Once I uncovered that I was an empath, a lot changed. One of those things was my understanding of what alcohol did for me.

I often felt like alcohol did more for me than for most people. There must have been a reason that I enjoyed it so much, a reason that I often continued to drink enthusiastically when most people paused or stopped.

I’ve since come to understand the precise reason: alcohol tuned down the volume switch on my environment. As an introvert and empath, I’m overstimulated in most social settings, but especially at loud bars, nightclubs, or big group gatherings like parties or dinners. When I drank, I tuned out just enough to be able to enjoy myself (and other people’s company) much more because I wasn’t so overstimulated by everything going on. In itself, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What was problematic about it was more that I wasn’t in tune with my needs, and thus unable to set boundaries that felt nurturing.

3. Being in tune with what you truly want at all times and setting boundaries is more rewarding than any alcohol-induced fun

I realized that I preferred socializing very differently than I had predominantly done: I chose one-on-one or small groups over big gatherings, and quiet or nature-based settings replaced loud bars and clubs.

Sober, my tank would also empty much more quickly. While previously I’d be able to stay out all night, alcohol-free I found that I often enjoyed socializing for just a few hours — then, pretty abruptly, my body would tell me when I was done. Subtle signs that intoxicated me wouldn’t hear or choose to listen to. So now that I do listen, I go to bed early and rise and shine the next day without the exhaustion of overextending my energies. With time, my early mornings also became so valuable to me that I wasn’t willing to give them up anymore, especially not for an alcohol-induced hangover.

When you’re more in tune with yourself, you can tailor your experiences and environments to exactly how you like them. When I have conversations that bore me, I find a way to politely end them. When I’m uncomfortable with how someone touches me, I immediately move away. When it’s too loud or rowdy somewhere, I just leave. I might sound like an old lady, but I’m sure a happy one.

4. Most people will applaud or even envy your decision not to drink

I was surprised by how positively most people reacted to my decision. I had expected much more judgment or lack of understanding. I also assumed that fellow “grey area drinkers” would feel triggered because when you’re not drinking, you’re holding up a mirror for them. Especially when you were their former partner in crime.

But none of that was the case at all. Almost everyone I told reacted with admiration, and some perhaps with a slight nuance of envy. I got the sense that many wished they could go without drinking (perhaps because they, too, were questioning how it impacted their lives) — but they’d never seriously consider it. Again, who would ever choose not to drink if they didn’t have to stop.

I remember becoming friends with a girl who never drank (she just didn’t like it), and instead of thinking how boring that was, I thought, “wow, how cool”. Perhaps that’s when the first seed for my sobriety was planted. Admiration. So now I like to do the same for others and show them that you can absolutely have a good time without getting wasted. I just got back from a wedding where I was quite possibly the only person not to drink, and it didn’t impact my experience at all. I had fabulous conversations and danced away as soon as the dance floor opened.

5. People don’t need your performance, they need your presence

I’ve always been incredibly concerned with how others perceived me. What do they think about me? How do I look? How do I act?

What I’ve come to realize is that the most fulfilling connections and interactions will stem from a place of presence rather than performance. This has become a mantra that I come back to every time I feel the need to perform (which is still super often).

For some reason, the need to perform always increased when I was drinking: to speak in a certain way, to look cool while dancing, to be sexy when flirting. Being drunk also just makes it impossible to be fully present because your consciousness is altered. So now that I’m always sober, it’s infinitely easier for me to give my unconditional presence to those in front of me.

6. Our cultural perception of alcohol is pretty fucked up & you should absolutely invest the time to form your own opinion

It’s pretty absurd how we view alcohol as a society when you think about it. It’s the most harmful drug in the world, yet it’s the least regulated and most available. It’s also the only drug where if you don’t take it, you’re assumed to have a disease (addiction). Alcohol is ethanol and with that, poison for your body. We gladly accept its side effects, such as throwing up, terrible headaches, and dysfunction the following day(s).

Alcohol is glamorized thanks to hefty marketing budgets from the billion-dollar companies that produce and sell it. It’s pitched as a way to increase our self-confidence, ease our social anxiety, and improve our dating experiences. When in fact, alcohol just makes you confidently insecure.

But the most stunning fact is that we don’t intentionally explore whether or not we want to drink, most of us just do it, because everyone does. Some will become addicts and eventually have to give it up, but for all others, complete abstinence is off the table. Whether you drink a lot or a little. Because, again, why would anyone give up alcohol if they didn’t have to?

In line with my insights above, I can attest to many of the benefits non-drinkers experience:

• Improved sleep
• Improved self-esteem and self-awareness
• More stable moods
• Better focus & concentration
• More presence & joy
• Deeper connection with those around me
• No more hangovers ever again (!!!)

Where To Start If You’re Contemplating Whether Life Without Alcohol Might Be For You

I hope I’ve given you some reasons why, in fact, giving up alcohol can be extremely rewarding — even (or perhaps especially) if you don’t have to.

To begin, you can ask yourself some questions to explore your relationship with alcohol:

1. Why and when do you crave alcohol? What do you hope to gain from it? What feelings are you after? Become curious and take note. Then brainstorm alternative ways you can achieve those feelings.
2. What are the settings that completely freak you out sober? Those are exactly the ones you should seek out. Whether it’s a party, the dance floor, a date, or a big family gathering — this is where exponential personal growth and freedom awaits you. Like always, outside your comfort zone.
3. Do you believe alcohol overall has a net positive impact on your life? Instead of asking yourself whether you have a problem with alcohol or not, ask yourself if your life is better or worse with alcohol in it.

Some of my favorite resources are the aforementioned Sober Curious book and podcast, as well as Holly Whitaker’s work. Whitaker was a more serious drinker before getting sober (i.e., she had to), but I still got a lot out of her memoir and her critical view on the patriarchic and capitalistic structures that facilitate the rise of alcohol and alcoholism, especially among women.

Will I never drink again?

While I can’t say that for sure, I currently feel absolutely no desire to.

Sobriety has been such a wonderful (and unexpected) gift that I really do hope more people have the curiosity to explore it.

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