Summary

The author shares personal insights into the challenges of quitting alcohol, emphasizing the importance of finding fulfilling activities to replace the time previously spent drinking.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's personal struggle with alcohol addiction, highlighting the multifaceted nature of addiction and the various personal issues that can contribute to it. The author identifies a key reason for repeated failures in quitting alcohol: the lack of meaningful activities to fill the void left by alcohol. This realization led to the adoption of a night gym schedule and writing as productive alternatives, which were crucial in maintaining sobriety. The author also stresses the significance of support from understanding friends and family and the benefits of engaging with a community of individuals facing similar challenges. The article concludes with a call to action for readers to develop a plan for occupying their time post-alcohol with activities they love, suggesting that such a plan is essential for successful sobriety.

Opinions

The author believes that society's emphasis on rest and relaxation can be detrimental to individuals who are naturally restless and creative, potentially leading to alcohol addiction.
Adele's experience with sobriety is cited to illustrate the common issue of boredom post-alcohol, which can lead to relapse.
The author opines that simply abstaining from alcohol without replacing it with fulfilling activities is likely to result in failure to maintain sobriety.
Engaging in physical activity and writing are presented as effective strategies for combating post-alcohol boredom and maintaining sobriety.
The author suggests that surrounding oneself with supportive people and connecting with a community of like-minded individuals can greatly enhance one's chances of successfully quitting alcohol.
The author advocates for the importance of having a solid plan for how to spend one's time after quitting alcohol, emphasizing that this plan can be a key factor in achieving long-term sobriety.

1 key reason I failed to quit alcohol so many times (how to avoid)

I think there are probably a bunch of different factors that lead any given person to develop an alcohol addiction.

It’s kind of like a plane crash … usually it isn’t 1 big thing that went wrong, it’s a series of small things that led to 1 big thing.

Take me for example.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what triggered my own 15-year battle against booze, and all of these issues were contributors:

My introverted nature in a society that values extroverts
My low battery for social situations
Work dissatisfaction and depression
A general (and unfair) self-loathing

Eventually, I came to terms with a lot of these issues. Accepting myself for who I was turned out to be a big factor in my ability to quit.

But there was still one nagging problem that probably kept me on the hook long after I should have been able to extricate myself.

I should have been able to quit alcohol, but one problem kept me hooked. (Licensed under the Unsplash+ License)

1 main reason I failed to quit alcohol

I think one of the biggest reasons that restless, creative types like myself develop alcohol addictions is that our novelty-seeking brains are just not comfortable at rest.

And our society loves its rest.

It loves to tell you that you deserve to zombie out in front of the TV or your phone screen.

It loves to tell you “find balance” and to “be careful you don’t burn out.”

The problem is that we’re not all built the same.

And I found that every time I sobered up, I would be hit with the same challenge: I was suddenly bored out of my mind.

Meaningless minutes

I’d be sitting in front of the TV watching some stupid show and be like, “Sheesh, is this it? This is what I quit alcohol for?”

This is not an uncommon problem.

Recently, I wrote about how the superstar singer Adele had recently quit alcohol.

Here’s what she told a crowd at her Las Vegas show:

“I stopped drinking … maybe, like, three and a half months ago.”

“It’s boring.

“I mean, oh my God, it’s boring.

“I was literally borderline alcoholic for quite a lot of my 20s, but I miss it so much. I cut out caffeine (as well).

“So, enjoy your whiskey sour. I’m very, very jealous.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, she has since returned to drinking.

So what’s the solution?

1 key to quitting alcohol long-term

The problem, I came to understand over time, was that I would continue to fail if I didn’t replace drinking alcohol with anything.

One of the first things you discover after quitting alcohol is how much free time you have.

Suddenly, the 5–6 hours you were high every night and probably doing something useless (i.e. sitting on the couch watching something stupid) become available for you to do … whatever you want!

This is a double-edged sword, however.

If you don’t find something a little more fulfilling than Netflix, I’m willing to bet Netflix will soon be re-accompanied by alcohol.

Solution 1

For me, one solution was switching to a night gym schedule on evenings when I wasn’t coaching my kids in sports.

Being active keeps me healthy and entertained, but it also required me to have an honest conversation with my wife about my approach.

She loves to watch TV at night as a way of decompressing. She can sit there for hours and be entertained.

For many years, spending “quality time” meant “relaxing” and watching a show (this isn’t really quality time at all, but that’s a subject for another post).

At some point, I had to accept that I’m just not built like that.

I told her I felt I had a problem with alcohol and that one of my solutions was to keep busy at night by going to the gym.

And she was of course super understanding and supportive (if people in your life aren’t supportive of your sobriety, it might be time to reconsider who you’re spending time with).

Being physically active is one great way to deal with post-alcohol boredom. (Licensed under the Unsplash+ License

Solution 2

What else did I fill my time with?

You’re looking at it.

Writing not only keeps my mind busy and entertained, but it also serves — for me anyway — as therapy.

By working through my thoughts and feelings about quitting alcohol in real time, I was able to process them quickly and find solutions for the ones that were tripping me up.

And I’ve also benefitted from being part of the wonderful community of sobriety writers here, from OGs like Michele Maize, Diana Leotta, Paul Goodman, and Ken Makimsy Middleton to newer contributors like Barb Besteni, Sarah Sandidge | Life & Recovery Coach, Dave Tieff and others.

When you find a group of people who are going through the same battle as you, it makes you feel less self-conscious about it and can offer some virtual camaraderie.

It doesn’t need to be in person!

How to plan for the big change

I hope my words have helped some people too, and I’ll leave you with these ones today:

Before you quit alcohol, develop a solid plan for how you will fill that sudden influx of idle time

Maybe that’s writing, maybe it’s crochet, maybe it’s drawing, maybe it’s running … whatever!

Just find something active that you love to do.

I’m willing to bet it’ll soon become more important to you than another night numbed out on the couch.

What do you/could you replace alcohol with? Let me know in the comments — I love to hear about great ideas, and they help others, too!

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