Relationships/Self
Your Relationship Isn’t Healthy If These Things Are Happening —
It may not be what you want to hear.
Take it from someone who has been in a damaging, abusive, and unhealthy relationship. These things are not Okay. Repeat — NOT okay. Advice from someone who’s been there — this is how you’ll know your relationship is not healthy.
Your Partner Makes You Feel Anxious
If you are experiencing high levels of anxiety in your romantic relationship, then something is most likely amiss.
In every relationship, there are arguments, challenges, and rough times — but to feel constant anxiety and stress within the relationship is not normal.
If fighting is continuous and crying is a regular staple of your day-to-day life within your relationship, it may be time to re-evaluate.
If your partner does anything to cause you anxiety, such as repeatedly yelling at you over seemingly small things, insulting you, or putting you in situations where you constantly feel anxiety, this is not healthy behavior.
Suffering from anxiety on your own is a whole other story, but if the feelings of anxiety are specifically brought on by your partner, please seek help. Tell family or friends and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible.
Anxiety is always a sign that something is not right. Stress, crying, clenching of fists, grinding teeth, and insomnia are just some of the symptoms that can occur when anxiety is infiltrating your life.
Bottom line: Your relationship should be a place you can seek comfort from anxiety — not something that creates it regularly.
Your Partner Tries To Control You
When you are dating someone or even living with them, your lives may become intertwined on a very intense level.
You may end up doing almost everything together, having the same circle of friends, or even working together in instances where people meet within the workplace.
There is a big difference between sharing a life with someone and your life being dominated or controlled by your partner’s need to know everything about your movements or thoughts. For instance, personal items such as a cell phone or personal journal should never be looked at by your partner without express permission from you.
You still have the right to privacy and personal space. Of course, in this day and age, this also includes personal social media pages. To be constantly demanding that a partner checks in at every possible moment even when they are at work, with family, or busy with something else — is pushing the boundaries of personal space.
If your partner demands to look at your phone due to a lack of trust or wants to control who you text or talk to on social media — then there’s a problem.
Communication is great and essential but a partner demanding your constant location or even using online methods to track you is not acceptable and may be a sign of something more serious to come.
Whenever a partner tries to control your body, your appearance, your communication, your relationships with friends, or your family, remove yourself from the situation and re-evaluate.
Bottom line: A healthy relationship is not about control. It’s about trust and communication. Your partner should never be in charge of who you talk to, what you wear, or your personal choices.
Your Partner is Sexually Possessive
Sexual love or infatuation is one of the most intense aspects of romantic relationships out there — especially for younger people with raging hormones.
This sexual flurry can also affect older adults and many of us have had an experience where we feel “addicted” to a romantic partner.
This is where things may get complicated. Once you are wrapped up in lust or infatuation, it becomes very difficult to see the boundaries between what’s appropriate and what’s verging on abusive.
Many people often mistake possessive behavior at the beginning as cute or take it to mean their romantic partner just really loves them, but the truth is that everyone deserves their own space and is not required to immediately “check in” with their partner to avoid an argument or being scolded.
It’s okay for your partner to want exclusivity in your sexual relationship but there are times when sexual jealousy and territorial behavior should simply not be tolerated.
If your partner tries to dominate your sexual choices in any way beyond what you’ve already communicated or that goes against your level of comfort or safety, this is not okay.
If your partner is consistently jealous of other people they may consider threats to the romantic relationship they have with you and act out on those feelings regularly with aggressive behavior this may be a warning sign that things could get worse.
Bottom line: The sex may be great — but this is not something that justifies being treated as sexual property, controlled, or humiliated in any way shape, or form.
Your Partner Displays a Lack of Empathy
Having a partner who cares for you and has a genuine interest in your feelings is what everyone would like to have.
In general, some people are naturally more empathetic than others with a better ability to relate or be sensitive.
However, if your partner seems unable to relate to your feelings regularly or is consistently insensitive to your sense of well-being, this may be a signal to look closer at your partner’s overall behavior.
A loving, healthy relationship includes give and take from both sides on an intellectual and emotional level. No one is perfect but some forms of abuse such as laughing at someone when they are in pain or disregarding a clear request for help or consideration can mean your partner may not be capable of providing a healthy partnership.
Generally speaking, if your partner has a significant lack of empathy towards you, their friends, or family it can be a sign of a more serious problem.
If your partner verbally insults or criticizes you in a demeaning tone, ever physically or sexually hurts you but doesn’t seem to feel remorse or regret — then leave the situation.
Bottom line: If your partner is incapable of considering or relating to your feelings or physical safety you may need to re-evaluate the relationship.
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