Self/Sexuality

Just Wear The Lingerie.

I’m not going to talk about feminism.

Have you ever had your partner ask you to wear lingerie for them and all of the alarm bells in your head instantly start going off like fireworks on the 4th of July?

I have.

Words start to form in your mind like, “I’m too fat to wear that!” or, “I have scars here or there — I’m too self-conscious. I just can’t!”

Yup. That was me too. Until recently. And I’ll tell you why.

I realized that the reasons why my husband wanted to see me in lingerie were completely different than the reasons why I was self-conscious about doing it.

There’s a secret that I already knew but needed to fully sink into my brain. My husband thinks I’m sexy. With “flaws.” With scars. All of me.

And the myth I believed that kept me afraid to experiment with lingerie was thinking that I was somehow expected to look “perfect” in lingerie — to look like the women in the magazines or on the internet with their gleaming, smooth, airbrushed skin.

My husband sees those women. But it turns out he’s imagining what I would look like in the same revealing get-up. Sure, he finds those images attractive, of course. But the kicker is that he’s not looking for perfection. He’s looking for me.

The images of shiny, glazed models may play an inspiring role in getting my husband in the mood, but ultimately he’s trying to invest in our relationship. He’s trying to spice things up for himself and for me.

So why would I be so afraid of it?

Mainly because quite often, my own ideas of what I think I should look like to be sexy have tainted my husband’s very real and sincere vision of me. As soon as I started to realize that my husband simply wanted me — albeit dressed up in a sexy outfit once in a while — I got it through my head that this opportunity doesn’t happen to everyone.

To have a man who has been with you for many years and is still attempting to keep the lust alive is not only awesome but utterly endearing.

How could you say no to that?

I’m not. Not anymore. I’m going to rock that tiny, lace, sort of silly outfit that makes me feel a bit cheesy.

Why not?

All I have to do is think back to a time when I was perpetually single and jaded, wondering if there was ever going to be a man in my life to love me fully and passionately.

Hello? He’s here. He’s been here.

The fact that he wants me to wear lingerie for him should be something that makes me smile with a knowing blush and a glimmer in my eye.

Have you browsed online or been to a lingerie shop recently? These days lingerie is made for all shapes and sizes as well as variations on coverage for areas of your body you’re not overly keen on. Not only that but there are also plenty of sexy outfits for men to wear as well.

I’m not going to take this moment to talk about feminism or debate whether or not I’m somehow being sexually objectified by wearing a skimpy outfit behind closed doors for a man who still desires me after all these years of kids, stress, and the often monotonous life of parenting.

Nope.

I’m just going to wear the damn lingerie.

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Oh, by the way, I also have a podcast about being a stepmom. Check it out if you’re interested.