avatarRicha Singh

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Your Life Is as Good as You Make It With These 3 Shifts

These are lessons no one can teach you

Photo by Nik on Unsplash

We want to learn from others’ experiences, and that’s remarkable. It helps us grow, gain knowledge and develop our skills.

Truth be told, there are lessons you can only learn yourself because they involve deep reflection. You cannot gain these by looking at other’s journeys or getting external inspiration no matter how much you try.

These are the hardest ones.

When we learn them the hard way, we want no one else to suffer from the pain we experienced. I am one of those people who learned these the hard way.

Therefore, here I am, sharing 3 shifts I have made in my life, in the hope this helps someone reflect and avoid these mistakes.

What makes this different from other ‘lessons learned’ articles is this comes with deeply vulnerable personal experiences.

1. Your Motivation

I wasted 3 years of my life on this thought. It severely affected my motivation.

Having been a senior manager in 3 continents (Asia, Europe and North America), I saw my work experience in a way I thought others see it. That I hadn’t progressed…. and it seemed like a failure.

I felt guilty about disappointing my father.

I never questioned myself about what I thought of being a senior manager, outside of what I assumed other people thought.

Time passed. I did an objective assessment and realized:

  • What seemed like a failure wasn’t one. I chose family and my definition of balance.
  • The tag of ‘being a senior manager in 3 continents’ was embarrassing, but it was my superpower. I wasn’t using my diverse experiences and integrating them well. Not recognizing this sooner was the real failure.
  • Comparing my journey with others was irrelevant. My self-worth wasn’t determined by my job title.

Too often, we let others decide on what would make us happy, especially early in our lives. It could be our parents, friends or other’s ideas indirectly.

True happiness is simple. We can be happy by leaving behind our assumptions, which are making us unhappy and keeping us stuck. But we often choose to cling to it because of our fear of the unknown.

It’s never too late to look at the ‘real you’ in the mirror. And start living the life you want. Oh, the ray of hope you’ll see when you accept the real you! It’ll bring back your mojo.

2. Your Curiosity To Learn From Mistakes

When you find what you consider meaningful, it may not work the first time like you want it to. It’s paramount not to let the fear of failure hold you back. You’ll need to be curious, learn from your mistakes, and keep trying. Remember, there is no destination in life,but merely the journey to enjoy.

To learn from your mistakes, you’ll need to be honest with yourself first and then with others by speaking your truth.

Where we often struggle is speaking our truth and being careful about others’ feelings. If you’re sensitive to others’ reactions like me, it can be especially difficult.

The reaction we get from others when we speak our truth, as well as how we respond to them, is System 1 thinking. Nobel laureate, Daniel Kahneman, described it as thinking derived from habit and bias, rather than careful thought.

These moments can either freeze you up or you can still choose to speak and own your truth. I used to freeze up. After reflection, I realized it’s much better to speak your truth even though this will be uncomfortable. Why, you ask?

1) Ignoring your feelings comes at a high cost of your personal well-being and motivation.

2) Once you get through the initial discomfort, you’ll build strong relationships.

So how to express yourself?

Valuable advice from a trusted mentor I try to remember and go by in moments of conflict: ‘Speak your truth as best as you know how to. And if you hurt someone, you can only ask for their forgiveness once you know you did.’

Everyone has their own strategies for staying curious. Speaking my truth while being open to other’s views works for me. Find what works for you and then use it.

3. Your Mindset

When faced with failure, do you think, ‘Why is this bloody happening to me?.’ I often thought of this when faced with challenges.

With time, I learned a better set of questions to engage ourselves in are: ‘What next after this? Or how can I turn around this situation from a setback to a future gain?’

The first set of questions makes us feel stuck and go around in a circle. Whereas the second set of questions reminds us of the possibilities and helps us move forward.

The first set of questions is a habit of people with a fixed mindset. The latter questions are a habit of people with a ‘growth’ mindset.

No matter how tempting the first set seems, push yourself to think about the second set of questions.

Tying it all together

We wish to control everything in our lives, but in reality we can only monitor a few things, such as

  1. Our mindset or attitude toward what’s happening.
  2. Our motivation regardless of external circumstances.
  3. Our curiosity to learn from our mistakes

Once you change your outlook, you’ll notice many benefits, such as higher creativity, focus and energy, to deal with challenges. You’ll use an abundance mindset to deal with negativity.

You’ll reframe what you think you ‘have’ to do to what you ‘want’ to do. Once you do, see the magic unfold.

There are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge. Both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought. ― Napoleon Hill

If you want to know how you can work on your mindset and curiosity, these are a few suggestions.

  • Question conventional thinking and speak your truth.
  • Prioritize without regrets, especially when it concerns your core pillars, such as family.
  • Remember, you are the owner of your self-worth, not your job title.
  • Know your inner voice is not you.
  • Remain detached from the outcome and 100% focused on the process.

If you have been able to master your mindset, congratulations to you on this milestone. Now you can live a little.

Enjoy the ride!

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