Your idea of success is entirely wrong
True success is a matter of personal revolution and transformation.
by: E.B. Johnson
There’s a lot of talk about success — especially on this platform. People promise the secret to success, while others sling it as a constant 24/7 grind that requires sacrificing every bit of yourself to the machine. But genuine success looks a lot different than what these gurus and coaches promise us. It’s not about a Birkin bag and private flights and corporations. Success isn’t even about making a certain amount of money or having a certain lifestyle. That’s because success if completely self-defined. And the reason you haven’t been able to achieve it is because you’re been entirely defining it wrong for your life and who you are.
Why your idea of success is entirely wrong.
How were you taught to view success? If you grew up in the west, then there’s a pretty good chance you see it as a having enough money to live a certain lifestyle. Or, you may you see it as having certain relationships or a certain family. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. This is why you’re struggling to feel successful and accomplished in your life. True success has little to do with money or stats, and everything to do with figuring out what happiness looks like to you.
It’s not about a dollar sign
Many people don’t agree with this, and they certainly don’t like to hear it. But success isn’t associated with a dollar amount. At least, not for everyone. Sure, some people might see money as a part of their success. And being materially stable enough to heal and grow is certainly a part of the equation. You can’t base your entire success on money, though. Success is far more complex than that, and feeling successful requires even more nuance.
You’re working way too hard
Yeah, that “work all day every day if you want to be successful” story is a lie. Those who focus on material success don’t even believe this lie. Sure, feeling successful requires putting in work and energy — but it doesn’t require selling our soul. The most successful people really are those who work smarter, not harder. They still leave enough room to pursue and enjoy their passions, interests, and the relationships that help them stay connected and inspired.
It’s worthless without connections
You could have the biggest title, the biggest business, and all the money in the bank, and it wouldn’t matter. Most of us crave deep and lasting connection with others. That’s just the way we’re wired. You need to have relationships if that is something that you value. Only focusing on your material success will leave you feeling off-balanced and insecure. It’s worthless without the connections that you long to have around you.
You don’t need to be a CEO
Success is not a strictly material pursuit. Although the big gurus of the internet has created this idea that you have to be the CEO of your own unicorn corporation, that’s the furthest thing from the truth. You don’t need to own your own business, and you don’t need to be some big boss to be a success. The feeling of being successful is different for everyone. And it doesn’t have to involve capitalism at all.
You‘ve productivity all wrong
Endless productivity won’t bring you success. That’s just not how we work. Our brains and our bodies wear down quickly when we constantly push them to the edge. You can’t just drain yourself day-in and day-out and expect that you will wind up accomplished and feeling good about yourself. Being truly productive is a game of smarts, and it requires balancing your material needs against your personal care and accomplishments.
It has nothing to do with anyone else
Success has nothing to do with anyone else. You won’t feel successful just because someone else sees you living their definition of success. Any highs this kind of compliment inspires is short-lived. Success does, however, have everything to do with how we see ourselves. It’s an internal confidence that comes from knowing we are entirely fulfilled and fully utilizing our energies, talents, and skills in ways that suit our needs and happiness.
It requires a certain amount of luck
Let’s face it, real major success requires a bit of luck. That’s especially true if your idea of success is more material than anything else (which is okay too). That luck, though, is always created from the back of hard work and crystal clear vision. If you want to strike it big, then you have to make sure you’re aligning your goals and your actions. Keep your eye on the prize (and where it’s supposed to be) and you will find the door to luck on your way.
How to cultivate healthier visions of success.
The reality is that genuine success if building a happy and secure life for yourself. Sure, that involves a certain level of material security — but it has more to do with figuring out who you are and living authentically in line with that person. Want to be successful? Then re-define success so that you can actively create a life in which you feel as though you are seen, valued, and honored for the energy and time you put in.
1. Figure out who you really are
Do you know who you really are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in 10–15 seconds, what would you say? We must know ourselves to know what success looks like for our futures. We don’t all see that stability and that lifestyle in the same way. What is success for one person could be failure for the other. That’s fine. But you can’t form new definitions until you peel back the layers and stare into the accurate reflection of you truly are.
Figure out who you really are. This is not a process that needs to involve anyone else (save the guiding hand of a counselor, therapist, or coach). Question yourself right down to the very root. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? How do you want your relationships to look and feel? What work are you doing for yourself and for others?
Until you know who you really are, you won’t be able to take actionable steps toward becoming that more successful person who you want to become. Take your time. Don’t rush this process. Your confidence stems from this journey into the heart of who you are. And without that confidence there’s no getting success on your own terms. Avoiding this crucial step is disastrous, so don’t do it. Journal, spend time on your own. Get outside and experience things on your own. This is how we get to know who we are and what we want from our lives and our futures.
2. Create self-determined definitions
Have you ever stopped to question and define what success looks and feels like to you? Not many people do. That’s because a lot of us are raised and handed definitions of success from our environments and our parents. If that doesn’t work, then we generally shape those definitions based on the society we find ourselves in. In a lot of cases, though, this leaves us feeling unfulfilled and undervalued. You need to take a step back and reconsider what actual success would look and feel like as defined by yourself.
Create self-determined definitions of success. We don’t need to chase that “American Dream” anymore. It doesn’t exist. We aren’t beholden to the past and the traditions that our mothers and fathers pursued. Now is the moment to stand in your truth. If you could imagine the ideal future for yourself — what would it look like?
Hold nothing back. How would you feel? What would your house look like? What would your relationships look like? Who would you be surrounded by? How would you look? Be realistic. Don’t confuse your vision with someone else’s. Look instead behind the curtain on your ideal reality. There’s no right or wrong answer here. Your happiness can be as off-the-wall as you need it to be. It simply needs to be authentic to you. Spend some time journaling about it. What would a successful life look like for you if you weren’t dealing with the expectations and pressure of others?
3. Make your passions a part of your life
Passion is such a crucial part of happiness in life, but so many people lose touch with it as they struggle to keep themselves and their families afloat. It’s understandable. We have been conditioned to see our passions and our interests as “hobbies” and little more. They have to be a central part of the puzzle, though. Our passions are what motivate us. These interests and pursuits spark the fire that ignites the engine in the darkest moments of stress and despair.
Make your passions a central part of your life. Don’t relegate them to the back court and expect to be happy by fulfilling them once or twice a year. That will not cut it. Success has a lot of facets to it. For you to feel as though you are actually successful, you need to feel fulfilled. Passions play a big role in that fulfillment. Your interests and your curiosity needs to be engaged.
Your passions are valid, no matter how weird or small or eccentric you may perceive them to be. Follow them. While we may never create a billion dollar industry on the back of our passion for volcanoes, or history, or whatever — we will find ourselves invigorated and stimulated from the inside out. Our passions and our interests light us up from the inside out, and that light and that energy can move us forward in powerful ways. Stop denying them. Stop pretending they are not as worthy or valid as your material needs.
4. Stop playing by other people’s rules
Here’s the thing: If you achieve superficial “success” on someone else’s terms, it’s not really your success. It’s theirs. Think of it like this, if you get rich doing someone else’s rich, you’re really making them rich while you make yourself merely comfortable. It’s a similar thing. You’ve got to stop playing by other people’s rules if you’re serious about being successful on your own terms. You must go after the things that you want to do and pursue relationships that are authentically aligned with your truths.
Stop playing by other people’s rules. Stop chasing their dreams and thinking that their success will one day be your own. It’s not. Not unless you find the courage and personal determination to succeed on your own terms. This means breaking with the idea that you have to make certain money or build a certain business. You don’t.
See success in a new light. Maybe success to you is making seashell necklaces on Friday nights. Maybe your definition of “success” is building a happy family or starting your own business. All of these things are valid. They don’t have to be big. They don’t have to be life changing. They don’t have to touch every single person in the world. Your success simply needs to make you stable and happy — however that comes, whatever shape it takes. Open your mind, open your heart. Get out of the path of other people and forge a trail of your own.
5. Live a life that’s light and fulfilled
At the end of the day, a successful life is one that should provide you with the freedom to be fully and authentically yourself. This means you have time to enjoy your relationships and the world around you. Even more than that, you need to have the freedom to grow and expand as the person you are becoming. That happens when we make it happen. Nothing more and nothing less. You need to live a life that’s full of joy. But you’re the only one who can manifest it.
Ultimately, genuine success gives you the ability to create a life for yourself that is light and fulfilled. Make the most out of that truth by standing in your truth every day. Love your friends, hold your family close. Do things that make you happy and remember to laugh and enjoy yourself throughout every day.
If you aren’t getting these things out of your life and relationships, then this is not genuine success. It doesn’t matter if you’re making a million dollars a year. True success is a fully rounded experience. It has so many shades and aspects to it, and can’t entirely be defined by one person’s standards alone. Pursue your passions and your interests. Have fun. Do things that are meaningless and light and enjoyable. Create a life that reflects the whimsical part of yourself as well as a serious part of yourself.
Putting it all together…
Struggling to build the success you deserve in life? It may come down to having the wrong definition of success. We all look at our lives differently, and we all experience them differently. What makes one person feel fulfilled and worthy is not what works for the person standing next to them. So, instead of chasing this work-yourself-to-the-bone mentality, we have to learn how to redefine success on our own terms.
Before you can figure out what true success looks like for you, you need to get crystal clear on who you are and what you want from your life. That means clarifying your goals and even what you want from your relationships. Then you can start to form a new vision of what success looks like and what it really feels like. Make passion a part of your life. Don’t turn your back on the things you love for the things that simply get you through. It’s not enough. Success is a widely rounded concept, and it has a lot of different facets to it. Stop playing by other people’s rules and see your own path to that material, mental, and emotional freedom you’ve been striving for. Live a life that’s both life and fulfilled. Make as much room for joy and experience as you do work and commitment. When you find the balance, success tends to meet you in the middle.