How You’re Going to Find Yourself
Feeling lost or detached when it comes to life and love? It’s time to find yourself and this is how you’re going to do it.
by: E.B. Johnson
The world is a crazy place right now. We are in the midst of massive change and we are in the midst of massive turmoil. It can be hard to keep track of it all, and it can be even harder to figure out who is in the midst of it all. That’s precisely what we have to do, however, if we want to create an island of happiness for ourselves in this increasingly chaotic world.
It’s time for us to find ourselves. It’s time to figure out who we want to be and what terms we want to live our lives by. We have the right to be exactly who we want to be, and we have a right to manifest a life that aligns to our joy, our contentment, and our overall wellbeing. To this, though, we have to be strong and rebuild our self-esteem and self-belief from the inside out.
Know thyself to know happiness.
You can’t be happy until you’re living within a life that suits you. We thrive when we’re surrounded by the right people, the right things, and the right opportunities. When we struggle up the hill only to find someone else’s happiness, it completely destroys our drive to go on. If we want lives that are meaningful, we have to figure out our reason for being here and then live within it.
To know happiness, come to know thyself. Know what makes you tick. What makes you happy and what makes you angry. There is so much to who you are, and you probably haven’t uncovered most of it. Now is the time for you to be brutally honest with yourself. Who are you? What do you want from your life and the people around you?
It’s time to stop running from the truth. It’s time to embrace our personal power and our right to live within the terms of our own happiness. Embrace your deeper compassion and embrace the personal power that’s been waiting within you all along. No one can define your life like you can. Stand up for yourself and have enough self-respect to live inside of a life that provides you with stability, hope, and opportunity.
Signs you don’t know who you are.
Do you feel lost? Do you feel like you pretend to be someone who you aren’t? Or that you regret many of the decisions that you’ve made? These are all signs that you aren’t sure about who you are or what you want. To move past these pain points, you need to understand them and accept them for what they are.
Mismatched worlds
In this life we all live in between two worlds. There is the inner world, which comprises all our thoughts and unspoken beliefs, and then there is the outer world where our relationships and material opportunities dwell. While these two worlds are very different, they should also be complementary reflections of one another. When your outer world clashes violently with your inner world, it’s a sign that you haven’t quite aligned
Zero confidence
Do you struggle with low self-esteem? Were you taught that it wasn’t safe or even right to believe in yourself, or love yourself? These are some of the most toxic beliefs we can hold, and they remove us far, far away from a happy future. You need to believe in yourself in order to thrive. Beyond that, you need to believe in your dreams and the things you want to pursue.
Lacking satisfaction
Feeling satisfied in this life is important. We can’t really keep going if we don’t feel like the work is worthwhile. A lack of satisfaction is usually a sign that we’re not heading in the right way, or that we’re not getting the things that we need. Are you settling for things that you don’t really want? Your insecurities may be leading you to an endless chase of other people’s happiness. True satisfaction will come when you figure out who you are and what makes you tick.
Total confusion
Are you confused about the state of your life? Do you feel like you’re wandering in the dark most of the time? This can often be a sign that you don’t know what you want in life, or that you don’t know who you are. Maybe you change your mind a lot, or follow the examples of others without really thinking their motives through. The unrealized life is a confusing one, and one that will swallow us up in a haze of regrets.
Becoming different people
Do you change around different people? When someone new comes around, do you find yourself adapting your personality to fit what they find most pleasurable? People who don’t know who they are have to take on the personalities of others. It’s a bit like a shield. Rather than risk being rejected on their own merits, they find a limited and superficial acceptance by taking on the merits of others. It’s a toxic way to live and one which leads us far from our own happiness.
Endless regrets
Endless regrets are yet another sign that we aren’t being ourselves or living within our truths. Looking back and wondering “what if” shows that we didn’t pursue the things that meant something in that moment. Instead of making it to someone else’s finish line and reviewing our lives with sadness — we should seek to be authentic in every moment and pursue only those things which we know are aligned with our core truths.
No lack of drama
Lacking knowledge of self is dangerous, and it invites no end of drama into our lives. When you don’t know who you are, you end up chasing other people and things which don’t belong to you. This always leads to heartbreak, trouble, and a number of complex emotions like resentment and self-loathing. You end up angry at the world, and the world continues to punish you for not being authentic and pursuing your actual purpose.
Questioning yourself
Do you always question yourself in the worst possible way? Do you regularly talk yourself out of things, or talk yourself away from possibility by questioning yourself right into doubt? While it’s always important to question where our motives are coming from, questioning the core of who we are isn’t healthy. When we know who we are, we stop questioning every single behavior or belief that we hold.
How to find yourself (the right way).
If you’re tired of struggling against a life that brings no joy or fulfillment, then it’s time for you to find yourself. Unwind the pain of your past and move forward into a future that you genuinely want. Believe in your right to thrive and embrace your deeper compassion. You are powerful enough to change the course of your life, but you have to embrace that power first.
1. Unwind your painful past
The past plays a major role in the person we become, but it can play the wrong role when it’s filled with pain that we struggle to resolve. In order for us to become the people we were always meant to be, we have to get rid of those historic patterns of struggle and scarcity so that we can unlock better opportunities for our authenticity. Want to build happiness that is genuinely yours? Unwind your painful past and pursue healing.
Step back and look at your life in totality. Consider everything that got you here, from your childhood, right until this moment. What memories loom largest for you? What negative habits, patterns, or coping mechanisms did you learn? Consider the darkness there and look at how it’s bringing more darkness into your life.
You’ve got to heal if you want to keep growing. Life can be beautiful, and our realities can be both fulfilling and sweet. We have to get out of our own way first, though, and we do that by working with our inner children to bring in the healing that allows us to move forward. You don’t have to engage in this process along. Reach out to trusted loved ones, or invest in a mental health professional who can help you to unlock the real you.
2. Figure out what you want
Figuring out who you are requires far more than just figuring out your personality and your beliefs. Beyond uncovering this inner individual, we have to also figure out what we want from our lives, our relationships, and even the families and careers we decide to build. In order to get what we want, we have to know what we want — but that requires some brutal honesty for ourselves and about ourselves.
Differentiation is a great place to start when it comes to figuring out your authentic needs in this life. So often, we end up chasing the dreams and happiness of other people. We have to break out of these patterns and start pursuing only what means the most to us. To do that, though, we have to break with our old thought processes and oust our darker tendencies.
Look for the ties to your past that haven’t quite let go. Are you holding on to patterns of coping and defense that alienate you from the things you need? Are you living in line with your ideals and values, or someone else’s? You need to begin questioning yourself the right way, but questioning the levels of confusion you’ve placed over yourself. What do you want from this life? What means the most? That’s what you should pursue.
3. Believe in your right to have it
Knowing what you want is one thing. Believing you have a right and an ability to get it is another. You need to have a deep and unwavering confidence in yourself that transcends any rejection or anyone else’s denial of who you are. This world is a tough one to stand against, but stand against it we must if a happy future is what we’re determined to have.
Begin believing in your right to building the future of your dreams. Re-build your self-esteem from the ground up. You need to know that you’re worthwhile. You need to know that you have value and you have worth that is beyond compromise or revoke.
Silence your inner-critic. Get rid of all the negative voices inside that tell you you’re not good enough to be happy; the voices which discourage you from finding happiness. There’s no more time or room in your life for those voices. Focus your energy on the positive, instead. Replace your negative voices with a positive inner voice that encourages you to keep moving forward.
4. Embrace a deeper compassion
There can be no denying the power of compassion when it comes to figuring out who we are. The act of self-discovery is a process, and it’s one which takes us up and down a long and winding road. You’re going to meet some dead ends. You’re going to get things wrong and have to turn things around. That’s okay. Be compassionate with yourself and give yourself the time you need to figure out who you are.
Give yourself the gift of a deeper, unconditional compassion. Drop your judgements and all that negative self-talk. When things get dark, make the conscious decision to talk yourself up. Be kind when you backslide, or when you don’t quiet make it to full realization.
Who you are right now is going to change in another 10 or 20 years. Open up your heart and let your expectations go. Love who you are right now in the moment and don’t worry about who you were or who you may become. Extend some understanding to yourself, and focus on the positives of your journey. There’s no point in punishing yourself if you’re looking for an opportunity to become authentically happy.
5. Own your personal power
We live in a world that celebrates “individuality” even while it discourages and sort of real personal power and dominion. Believe it or not, we have the power to control our lives and our reality. We also have the power to change ourselves from the inside out. Life isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s a manifestation of our beliefs and all the power we put out into the universe. If we want to be who we are supposed to be, we have to own this power.
Stop running from your strength. Stop running from your abilities and start taking charge of your own life. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. If you don’t like something in your life, roll up your sleeves and get rid of it.
You are your biggest limiting obstacle in this life. You and your negative self-beliefs will get in your way far more than any single person will ever be able to. It’s time for you to decide what quality of life you’re going to lead. It’s time to decide who you’re going to be, and what your future is going to look like. Do you have the courage to stand up for yourself? To go after your love and your joy? Now is the perfect moment to get what you want from life.
Putting it all together…
Do you feel like you’re lost in this world? Like you’re wandering a strange path with no sense of what is right or wrong? Now is the perfect moment to find yourself. Rather than staying lost and stuck in a place you don’t belong, take action and stand up for yourself and the future that you’re building.
Unwind the knots left behind by the pain in your past. Until you find the strength to move beyond the patterns left behind, you’ll remain tied to the expectations and judgements of others. Figure out what you want in this life and stop settling for the happiness of others. You have a right to create a life that is authentically yours, but you won’t be able to do that until you embrace this right for yourself. Tap into your deeper sense of compassion and be kind to yourself as you work to become the person you were always meant to be. Own your personal power and take charge of your life and your reality. Your hope for the future is beautiful, and it is deserved. Throw your arms open to it and figure out who you are in order to thrive.
