Your Emotions Are More Useful Than Your Thoughts
The Captain Marvel movie confirms it
In the recent Captain Marvel movie, the main character transforms from Vers, a soldier who is constantly being admonished to master her emotions, to Carol Danvers, a woman who learns to integrate both her instincts and her feelings as a part of her metamorphosis into a superhero — Captain Marvel.
People who have no real access to their emotional landscape are destined to be run by those very emotions from behind the scenes, like a puppet master pulling strings. They react, rather than respond and otherwise lash out at things that poke at their sore spots without even quite knowing why. Conversely, people who have fluency with their emotional landscape are able to better understand why they do what they do and to use that knowledge to help shape their lives and destinies. They are actually more in control of themselves than people who stuff and sublimate every emotion, only to have those seep through or explode in times of stress.
Your emotions are a message from you to you and a tool that can be used in conjunction with your cognitive self to make better decisions and to lead a better life. Vers was a good soldier, but not a great one. It was only when she became a more whole and integrated person that she was able to access her true greatness and uncover her superhero self.
In the West, we have been taught to value science, rational thought, the concrete, and the tangible. Intelligence, as can be measured in the brain by something like an IQ test, is highly valued and prized, despite the fact that many people who are very intelligent in that way are rather dysfunctional in other ways. Conversely, emotion is often seen as weak, murky and apt to be misleading. Learning how to shut down your emotions is often considered to be a valuable skill, but it’s actually quite counter-productive. Our emotions convey a huge amount of information to us and learning how to receive and use that information is a much smarter idea than trying to dispense with emotions entirely.
“HeartMath (a non-profit research and education organization) has recorded the heart to be approximately 60 times greater electrically and up to 5,000 times stronger magnetically than the brain. This awareness places the brain relatively weak in comparison to the heart. Research from HeartMath has introduced that not only the brain but also the heart itself is an intelligent system. These studies indicate specifically how the heart sends more information to the brain than vice versa.” And the conclusions of these studies is that paying attention to your feelings is vital for the heart and the brain to working optimally in cooperation.
In 2016 my mother was experiencing some issues that sent her to a cardiologist. After performing a scope to assess what was truly going on, her doctor diagnosed her with “broken heart syndrome,” a condition where the left ventricle is experiencing significant dysfunction typically brought on by stress. My mother’s longtime partner had just died a few months before, after a long illness, and she was in disagreement with his adult children about some of the details of how to handle his home and estate. It’s no wonder she had “broken heart syndrome.” Mom had been stuffing her emotions, trying to be strong and not let things get her down. Instead, she ended up damaging the most important muscle in her body, although it was fortunately reversible.
Most of us know what it’s like to be overcome by our feelings; to feel awash in them and at their mercy. It’s true that in this state getting a real sense of what is best or how to proceed might well be impaired. But extreme states of cognition aren’t really any better. We can talk ourselves into or out of just about anything and analysis paralysis is an all too common issue for many people. The trick is to learn to have your emotions without them having you. You want to be able to notice what you are feeling at any given time and to treat that as a message coming from deep inside yourself. What are your emotions trying to convey to you?
Using your emotions as a kind of barometer is one way to find out. Pleasant, easy to experience ones like enthusiasm or contentment mean that we are in good alignment with what we value and believe in. More difficult emotions like guilt or blame signal to us that something is off kilter. Are we being true to ourselves? What’s the fear that is hiding underneath our anger? As you begin to get fluent asking yourself these questions, the emotions themselves become primarily information. Because this information is coming from your subconscious self to your conscious being, it has a purity that thought alone does not have. How many times have you talked yourself out of something or passed up on something because your mind was trying to be smart when later on you wished that you just gone with what you felt?
I recently experienced a professional situation where I was upset and stressed all the time. I was butting heads with peers in a leadership group (Group A) and it all felt really bad. During that same week, I was able to spend time with another group of colleagues that I work well with (Group B). I experienced the satisfaction and enjoyment of being in good collaborative relationships where I felt valued and appreciated.
The contrast helped me to see that although I no doubt bore some responsibility for the stress in Group A, it wasn’t entirely my demeanor or style that was most at issue. I wasn’t “the problem.” I just wasn’t a good match for that group. As I began once again working more closely with Group B, I realized, “Ah, this is where I belong. This is a good fit for me.” There were many logical reasons why I should have perhaps tried to stay in Group A. It was a more prestigious group with greater overall decision-making power, but I recognized the red flags from other times where I’d tried to talk myself into sticking out a bad situation and didn’t want to make those same mistakes again. By acknowledging my emotions and using the information that they conveyed to me, I was able to make choices that led to more fulfillment and less stress in my life. That’s a Marvelous tool to have!
© Copyright Elle Beau 2019 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.
