Relationships/Self

You Will Never Have A Perfect Romantic Relationship With Anyone

But here’s what you can have instead.

As a romantic partner, I often falter. I can be blatantly imperfect. I know this. I generally try to correct myself when I realize I could have handled relationship situations in a more productive, healthy way.

I’m not abusive or violent towards my partner. I don’t cheat on my partner. But I am human.

Although my partner and I have a pretty healthy relationship and we certainly do love one another very much, there are days when he drives me completely nutty to the point where I just want to lock myself away in my room to get some space from him. I know he has days when he feels the same way.

This isn’t unique in a long-term relationship and/or marriage. It’s pretty normal. Perfect relationships don’t exist in the world around us.

There is no perfect relationship to be had because there are no perfect people in the world with which to have one. It’s not an expectation anyone should have.

While no one should settle for a relationship where they feel demeaned, disrespected, or abused in any way, there also needs to be the realization that there are going to be days when we as humans are not living up to our best potential. Days when we are frustrated, exasperated, or sad.

With a healthy amount of personal effort, most of us can usually pull ourselves together when we’re feeling wretched and can turn our moods and behavior around to be better people and partners.

But it does take effort. Real effort.

When you’re part of a couple, you often have to bring yourself to a higher level of functionality than you might if you were alone.

Partners need one another in order to make a life together work in a functional way. It’s about give and take. Yin and yang. But relationships are never equal or balanced all of the time. In fact, normal relationships often teeter between contentment and chaos most of the time.

Throughout all of my ups, downs, and sideways moods, my partner sticks with me. Not only does he stick with me, but he enthusiastically loves me — even in my worst moments.

There are times when I feel like I don’t deserve my partner. There are moments when I feel like I must have hit the jackpot to have a partner who puts up with me in the way that he does.

But then I remember that as much as my partner puts up with me, I also put up with him. We both tolerate those sullen moods and the bouts of bad behavior from one another.

Although we both may tolerate occasional ugliness from one another, there’s always a line. A line that we’re both aware we don’t cross without some sort of repercussion. A boundary that alerts us that we’ve gone too far whether it be yelling during an argument or saying something hurtful. An unspoken agreement that one of us has gone too far.

The current partnership I have is built upon boundaries and considerations that have been cultivated over years of trial and error — missteps and forgiveness.

A strong relationship has to have a solid foundation — YES — but that foundation doesn’t start solid. It’s often been patched up over the holes that were made out of genuine ignorance and lessons learned the hard way.

When either myself or my husband have a lousy day it reminds me of how vulnerable relationships genuinely are and how on the verge of breaking we can all be on any given day.

The fragility of relationships is constant.

I often lament the extraordinary amount of patience and grace a long-term relationship and/or marriage can harbor under the immense strain of responsibilities, struggles, hardship, and foul moods.

Sometimes I’m an imperfect partner — nowhere near perfect. But I do know what I’ve got. I’m grateful for it and I try my best every single day to improve myself as a person and as a partner. That’s all anyone needs to expect of themselves or of their partners.

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