You Will Never Be Able to Truly Love Anyone Before You Wholly Love Yourself

One simple practise can help you achieve that in seconds.

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” — Robert Holden

Day 25/100: Gratitude for the power of the tiniest, most powerful demonstration of self kindness.

I remember the first time I gave myself a proper hug. I believe it was after reading a recommended exercise in Dr Karyl McBride’s book, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough”. It felt a little weird at first, a bit self indulgent. And that was, in itself, an indication of being self love deficient. I let myself sit with the hug for a time, imagining I had stepped outside of me to give myself this warm embrace. And I had to admit, it was quite lovely.

And that’s the thing, self love is such an overused, and yet under practised, term that it has become a platitude. It’s so abstract that not everyone really gets it, nor how to demonstrate it. But the self hug, I have found, is the perfect way to practise it.

When you hug yourself, once you get past initial awkwardness, you become aware of how much you overlook your needs. But somehow, in that moment when you wrap your arms around yourself, you get to experience how it is for others to be loved by you, or how much deeper that love can be received by them when it comes from a place of self love. And then you feel that you are truly acknowledging yourself as someone, literally: Some. One. Not just the you whom you take for granted because you are with yourself everyday, but an individual, just as deserving of your own love and attention as other people who get to receive it. And that actually means everything — in fact, more than the love of anyone else. It’s a simple act of really noticing yourself. Without that, you are continually pouring from an empty cup.

A little while ago, I got a phone notification from the Calm app that said, “Give yourself a hug. Your brain can’t tell if it’s from you or someone else.” And that made me smile so much. Because of course, it’s true! I had never actually thought of it that way. And that is why, when you form a habit out of it, it changes how you show up to every experience in your life.

It’s a powerful little action. It costs nothing to get into and yet it can mean the whole world.

Thank you for reading this article. If you enjoyed it and would like to read more motivational writing with a focus on self acceptance and becoming more visible, then… follow me on Medium here, subscribe to Medium here or feel free to buy me a coffee here. Grateful for you!

For more on self acceptance and to overcome the habit of comparing yourself with others, take a look at this article I wrote earlier: