Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of respecting individuals' pronoun preferences, regardless of one's personal understanding or agreement, to foster inclusivity and support the mental health of transgender and non-binary people.

Abstract

The author of the article expresses frustration over a piece that ridicules the use of pronouns in internet bios, particularly targeting those who identify as non-binary or who advocate for the normalization of pronoun usage. The article argues that everyone, including cis-gender individuals, should be able to express their gender identity without derision. It acknowledges the difficulty in understanding non-binary identities, especially for those who have not been exposed to such concepts, but stresses that respect for pronouns is a fundamental aspect of respecting people's identities. The author cites the National Center for Transgender Equality, stating that comprehension is not a prerequisite for respect. The article also highlights the mental health struggles faced by the transgender community, with statistics showing high rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide attempts, and underscores the positive impact of societal acceptance and the use of correct pronouns.

Opinions

The author is incensed by an article that dismisses the importance of pronouns and mocks those who include them in their bios.
There is a call to respect people's pronouns, even if one does not fully understand non-binary identities, as a form of basic human respect.
The article criticizes the ridicule of women who specify 'she/her' pronouns and points out that men also specify their pronouns.
It is highlighted that cis-gender people who include their pronouns aim to normalize the practice and create safe spaces for transgender and non-binary individuals.
The author shares a personal anecdote about not fitting into traditional gender roles but still identifying as a woman, illustrating the complexity of gender identity.
The mental health of transgender individuals is a significant concern, with statistics indicating alarming rates of mental health issues, which are mitigated by societal acceptance and the use of correct pronouns.
The author believes that stating pronouns is a simple act that can significantly impact the well-being of marginalized individuals and does not understand the resistance to this practice.

Opinion

You Need to Respect People’s Pronouns Even if You Don’t Agree With It

Here’s why it is so important

I read an article yesterday that left me incensed. Basically, the author stated it was stupid for people to have their pronouns in their internet bios and if you prefer they/them, she wouldn’t respect it and just refer to you as he or she, anyway.

She also particularly ridiculed women who like to put she/her in their bios. She said that, of course; they are female and why would she refer to them as anything else? I’m not sure why she chose to pinpoint women when there are definitely men who put he/him in their bios. She also mocked those women for thinking they are special.

I will not link to the article because I don’t want to give any traffic to such disdain.

It is terrible to ridicule people who have different opinions. If someone is non-binary, they should be allowed to use they/them pronouns. And if cis-gender people choose to put he/him or she/her in their bios, they are doing it because they want to normalise pronouns for the non-binary. They want to make others feel comfortable sharing theirs and create a safe, open space.

None of that should be ridiculed in any way.

All people deserve respect. By purposely ignoring people’s pronouns, as the aforementioned writer stated, she is basically saying that she doesn’t want to respect others.

I don’t understand what it means to be non-binary

I do know why it is hard for cis-gendered people to understand being non-binary. I am in the same boat. Let me explain.

I have never been a typical ‘feminine’ female. Growing up, I hated all things that would be typically associated with girls including dresses, pink, florals, wearing makeup, shopping, dolls and much more. I was always called a ‘tomboy’ (a term I despise) because I tended to gravitate towards things that are usually associated with males. It wasn’t on purpose; that was just my preference. Even today, I am the least traditionally feminine woman. However, I am a woman.

This is why I personally find it hard to understand what it means to be trans and non-binary. Rather than seeing it as a fluid identity, I was raised to believe gender is your biological sex at birth. I am working towards understanding gender better.

But then again, because I identify as the gender I was born with, I will probably never fully understand what it feels like to be trans. So I choose to follow this statement written by the National Center for Transgender Equality:

You don’t have to understand what it means for someone to be non-binary to respect them. Some people haven’t heard a lot about non-binary genders or have trouble understanding them, and that’s okay. But identities that some people don’t understand still deserve respect.

And with that, it is important to respect other people’s pronouns. I don’t necessarily understand, but I want to show respect to others. Everyone deserves validation. If someone wants me to refer to them as they/them, I will do it happily. It doesn’t negatively impact me or my life in any way, so why not oblige in something that will positively impact others?

Non-binary people need safe spaces

I spoke to a transgender man about this recently. He approved of my sharing his story, but asked to remain anonymous.

He said that because gendered pronouns are the norm, many people have a hard time accepting anything different. So trans and non-binary people have a hard time finding safe spaces in society. And often at home.

When he was a senior in high school, his parents wouldn’t accept him as a boy. He was even made to wear dresses to his prom and other formal events, despite coming out as trans. His parents wouldn’t let him attend those events otherwise.

I believe men should be able to wear dresses. However, they shouldn’t be forced to do so. It doesn’t hurt a cis-gender person to see a trans person or to use different pronouns. But it does hurt a trans person to be forced to wear something that makes them uncomfortable. This man felt ashamed when he wore those dresses, even though he looked like a typical girl at that time.

When men and women include their pronouns, they are encouraging society to accept others. They are trying to ensure society is a safe space for the trans community to not feel this shame.

The mental health of trans people is alarming

I have been a long time sufferer of PTSD, depression and anxiety and I know what it is like to have terrible mental health. So I was alarmed when I saw the mental health statistics for trans people.

According to this peer-reviewed study of 928 trans people:

85% experience depression
79% experience anxiety
63% experience self-harm
43% have attempted suicide

I’m not surprised, to be honest. I can’t imagine what it is like to be in the wrong body. I can’t imagine what it is like to not identify with any gender at all. And to see hate being published online, to experience discrimination in the workplace, and not be accepted by your friends and family, it is too difficult for them to have good mental health.

This study shows the incredibly reduced instances of depression, self-harm and attempted suicide when a trans person has gender reassignment, parental acceptance and/or societal acceptance.

If cis-people state their pronouns to increase societal acceptance, what’s wrong with that? If cis-people need to slightly adjust their language, what’s the harm? If anything, it might just help others who are feeling marginalised.

Final thoughts

I am certainly not expecting everyone to include pronouns in their online bios. I don’t include mine.

However, to have so much hate for people who choose to add pronouns is bizarre. The fact that the writer of that hate-filled article feels so passionate about something that honestly does not impact her is bizarre.

So the next time you see pronouns written in someone’s bio, pay them some respect. You never know who you might be helping by ever-so-slightly adjusting your speech.