You need to let yourself walk away
Feeling burned out and stressed? It may be time to step back and give yourself a break before it’s too late.
by: E.B. Johnson
Do you feel like the stress of life pushes you to the edge every day? It’s not hard to become overwhelmed by all the expectations and responsibilities of everyday living. We have to deal with the demands of work, our families, our relationships, and our needs too. Keeping up with it all can take a lot out of us physically and mentally, forcing us into a corner that’s hard to get out of. Are you exhausted? Rundown? Feeling like burnout is right around the corner? It may be time to let yourself walk away for a while.
Burning out isn’t noble…
We live in a very achievement driven society. From the time we first step foot into the world, it encourages us to expend all our energy in the name of others (whether through a job or building a family). The problem here, though, is that giving all our energy to the outside world leaves nothing for our very important inner world. We have to spend time getting what we want from life, and we have to make sure we get enough rest to achieve that.
It’s not noble to burn yourself out…it’s a slow form of suicide.
While you may have been taught that overworking yourself was noble, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s not noble to burn yourself out…it’s a slow form of suicide. The human body struggles to resolve stress, especially without appropriate timeouts to recharge mentally and physically. Are you pushing yourself too hard? Have you crossed a line into permanent, permeating exhaustion? It may be time to consider taking a break to focus on your personal needs. We all need a chance to recharge and recenter. Give yourself that space by walking away when you need to.
Knowing when it’s time to walk away.
Have you come to a crossroads? Is it time for you to walk away and give yourself a break? These are some of the early warning signs you may be approaching burnout. Before you go over the edge, be honest with yourself and use this honesty to take calculated action.
Setbacks become explosions
Have slight setbacks become major explosions in your life? When we’re pushing ourselves too hard, we get thrown you for emotional loops that are hard to navigate. That’s because the stress heightens our negative emotions. Anxiety and upset goes into overdrive, and things seem worse than they are. Have little issues become major problems at work or in your relationships? If you can’t handle it, you may need to walk away.
Disrupted eating habits
Have your eating habits shifted? Are you finding it hard to eat like you used to? Are you putting unhealthy, low-quality foods into your body? Are you overeating and comforting your distress with food? Your eating habits are important to pay attention to in terms of your stress. Look for a pattern. As your stress increases, do your eating habits change? However our eating habits change, it could indicate a shift in our emotional stability and equilibrium.
Endless restlessness
Would you describe yourself as a restless person? Do you become agitated by staying still? Or driven by the need to always be on the go? When doing becomes compulsive, it’s important that we take a step back. We aren’t machines. We can’t go-and-go-and-go forever. We need time to sit down, take a deep breath, and re-focus on our priorities and our needs. Unless you want to end up burned out, it’s important to address the restlessness.
Total energy depletion
Have you been walking around feeling totally drained? Exhaustion and energy completion are common warning signs of an impending burnout, striking just before we experience total collapse. Are you tired, no matter how much sleep you get? Does your exhaustion permeate into everything else in your life? When you don’t get enough space from the drama, the responsibilities, and the pressure to recharge, you end up drained without the power to do anything meaningful at all.
Warped personality
Our personality can be one of the best indicators of where we’re at in our lives. Would you describe yourself as comfortable, open, and happy where you’re at? Or would you describe darker things going on? When we’re confronted with too much pressure and negativity, we can find our personalities adversely affected. You might become really cynical or negative yourself. Likewise, you might become withdrawn (impacting your relationships with others).
Inability to concentrate
Although you may not realize it, overworking ourselves leads to serious cognitive disruption that makes it hard to concentrate, make decisions, or even remember things correctly. Our brains become overwhelmed by all the stress and pressure. With limited space, things begin to go haywire. You may notice that your performance at work (or even with your friends) begins to slip. You may struggle to recall little details and also to focus on important topics at all.
Loss of personal drive
Do you feel drained of your inspiration? Is your creativity and drive lacking as of late? When you have no motivation to go after the things you want in life, it often comes down to burning out your energy and focus in the name of other people. Maybe you feel indifferent about doing things for yourself. Perhaps you feel as though your future isn’t worth pursuing proactively. Take note of this loss of personal drive. Are you wasting all of your energy in the name of other people?
Emotional disconnection
Are you beginning to feel numb to the world? Have exciting things lost their meaning? Do relationships feel empty or lonelier than before? If you feel like you’ve disconnected from the world, it may be a sign that you’ve pushed yourself too far. When you start passing through on auto-pilot rather than experiencing and learning, you lose out on all the important parts of life. Emotional disconnection is a warning sign. You’re close to burnout.
How to get better at giving yourself a break.
Are you burned out? Have you pushed yourself over the edge and past the point of no return? Before you lose it all in a grand burnout, take a step back and give yourself a break. Sometimes, doing nothing and seeing to our personal needs is exactly what we need in order to get back on track to productivity and happiness.
1. Let go of your guilt
The biggest reason so many people fail to make space for themselves is guilt. Society has conditioned us to feel guilty when we’re not expending all our energy in the name of others (whether that be through parenthood or gainful employment). Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish, however. It’s how we make ourselves better lovers, parents, and friends. That aside, you have to release this guilt. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have time to be, do, and explore whatever you want (even if that’s nothing at all).
Let go of that guilt and shame that tells you to keep pushing beyond your limits. Sure, getting where you want in this life means you have to work hard. But it’s important that you understand that the act of inaction is exactly what we often need in order to get our heads (and our hearts) back on track.
Release all of that guilt and shame you’ve been holding on to. Your journey doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. You don’t have to perform for others or worry about what will be lost if you give yourself 24 hours of solid care. Embrace and love yourself. Know that taking the time to rest is often a demonstration of self-love as much as it is a calculated act to rest and recharge.
2. Build up a self-care routine
Self-care is so important in this life, but so many of us abandon it as “selfish” and “unnecessary”. Taking care of ourselves is anything but unnecessary. As a matter of fact, it’s a crucial as brushing your teeth or tending an open wound. We are entitled to spend time and energy on ourselves. It’s how we become happier humans, and it’s how we become better partners and friends. You need a self-care routine if you want to avoid burnout. To establish one, though, you have to be mindful about what you want and need.
Create a self-care routine for yourself and make sure it becomes a regular part of your weekly routine. We all need time to ourselves, and we all need to spend that time nourishing our minds (and our physical bodies). When you establish a solid self-care routine, achieving in every other area of life becomes easier and more focused.
Lay out a self-care routine that will work for you. Start small and work your way up. Take 10–15 minutes each day to step back and look at how you’re feeling, or what you’ve accomplished. Listen to your body. What does it need to feel better? Listen to your mind, what does it need to calm down and feel at peace? Self-care is all about re-aligning this mind-body link so that we can better serve the world when we return to our work — whatever that may be.
3. Reconnect with your interests
Part of building a fulfilling inner and outer life for ourselves involves connecting with our interests. Do you regularly take time to do things you enjoy? Do you give your curiosity and your creativity freedom to have fun in your life? It’s important that you intentionally and mindfully take time to engage in things you enjoy for yourself. Only chasing the needs and desires of other people can leave us empty and devoid of our own.
A big reason that so many people end up burned out is that they don’t keep in touch with their interests. That is to say, they let go of their passions as they get pulled further and further under the chaos of everyday life. By reconnecting with your interests, you give yourself a chance to reinvest in life.
Remind yourself what a joy your life can be by reconnecting with your interests. What sparks your curiosity? What experiences bring you joy or otherwise help you feel happy and alive again? These are the things that should be pursued as we take a step back from everything that’s going on. Put some space between you and the hardships in your life, and fill that space with things, people, and experiences you value and adore.
4. Work through the trauma
Although it’s often overlooked, our need to over-work ourselves can actually be a response to trauma. Do you have painful experiences in your past that were never really resolved? Are you running from the memory of childhood trauma or toxic relationships that undermined your self-worth? You need to know in your heart that overworking yourself is a response to trauma and use some of your new “me time” to resolve it.
If your need to go-go-go is tied into trauma rooted in your past, find the courage to address it. Until you put these monsters to bed, you will forever feel the intolerable pressure of your guilt and your shame bearing down on you. Question yourself (and be honest).
Are you pushing yourself past your limits so you don’t have to confront the past? Is it a means of distracting yourself from the pain and heartbreak caused in childhood? Whatever happened to make you believe you couldn’t stop — or that you had to prove yourself with grand achievements — make sure you’re doing what you need to in order to address it. That could mean working with any wide range of counselors and therapy styles so you can get to where you need to be. Work through your trauma and burnout becomes less necessary.
5. Crack the self-esteem code
So many of us hesitate to take a step back because we don’t have the confidence to do so. We prioritize and value the needs and desires of others over our own. That’s why we over-commit to work, our relationships — a plethora of experiences that leave us stressed out and empty with nothing left to share with ourselves. We can’t do that if we want to build truly happy lives. In order to establish better boundaries and assert ourselves, we have to increase our self-esteem.
The fact of the matter is that you’re going to keep burning it down over-and-over until you get a firm handle on your self-esteem. Self-esteem matters, and it lends itself to our self-worth and sense of purpose. Until you believe in your right to be happy, you’ll continue to settle for situations that bring you stress and unhappiness.
Lean into your self-esteem. Fall in love with yourself and learn to see yourself as a deserving and worthy person. Increasing your self-esteem isn’t selfish. It’s an essential part of growth and personal alignment. What are you doing to increase your love for self every day? Are you committing to affirmations? Are you keeping a journal to celebrate all your various strengths and triumphs? The higher your self-esteem, the less likely you are to get pulled into the much and the mire of life.
Putting it all together…
Modern life is a lot to deal with. There’s a lot of expectations and responsibilities to deal with, and it can run us down if we’re not careful. Do you feel like you’re overly stressed? Are you losing your passion for life? Do small setbacks become major aggravations? It may be time to admit that you need a break. It’s okay. We all have to a step back from time-to-time. The trick is finding the courage to take action in the name of your own wellbeing.
Let go of the guilt and the shame that circles your need to take a step back. Time for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. Make a self-care routine a regular part of your weekly schedule. You need this routine to help recharge and refocus on what really matters to you. Use the time to relax and reconnect with the interests and passions that bring you a sense of calm and peace. Give yourself space to work through the trauma as well. Often, our need to push ourselves too hard comes from pain we’re attempting to outrun in the past. Above all else, though, focus on rebuilding your self-esteem. Belief in self is the greatest way to protect our happiness. The more confident we are in ourselves, the more willing we are to make space for our needs. Start listening to your body (and mind) and learn to walk away when the pressure becomes too much to bear.
- Laursen, B., & Hafen, C. (2009). Future Directions in the Study of Close Relationships: Conflict Is Bad (Except When It’s Not). Social Development, 19(4), 858–872. doi: 10.1111/j.1467–9507.2009.00546.x
