Beat your burnout and find your happiness again
Understanding burnout is the first step in overcoming it.
by: E.B. Johnson
Modern living is complex and multifaceted, with a number of moving pieces that can either contribute to our happiness or detract from it. Burnout, more than ever, is becoming an increasingly common experience among adults in western society and one we are only truly beginning to see as the threat that it truly is. Burnout contributes to the loss of relationships, the deterioration of our health and even the destruction of our general happiness and wellbeing. If you feel like you’re burning out, happiness is possible again, but it takes some work and it takes adopting a new perspective.
Taking on more than we can handle is one of the most common ways we become detached from our happiness and even more isolated from the people and things that matter most in this life. If you want to avoid burnout, or overcome the shadow that’s dragging you down right now, you have to start small and you have to start with an understanding — an understanding that you and your time is as important and valuable as anyone else’s.
What is burnout?
Burnout is a complex concept and an even more complex experience. It occurs when we find ourselves in a perpetual state of stress, unable to deal with all the to-do’s and tasks that are demanded from both our personal and professional lives. Long working hours, increasingly burdensome workloads (at home and at the office) all contribute to burnout, but they are only pieces of a much more all-encompassing experience.
When we burnout, we are no longer able to function effectively inside or out. Whether you start to stumble at the office, or find yourself dropping the ball with the kids or your friends — burnout is a very real threat to our overall happiness, peace and wellbeing. Realizing, that, however, means knowing the warning signs and the symptoms of an overburdened mind and an overburdened soul.
The signs and symptoms of burnout.
The signs and symptoms of burnout aren’t always easy to spot, as it can impact so many different levels of our personality and behavior. When we feel burned out, our physical and emotional wellbeing is affects, as well as our ambition, drive and even the way we interact with and attach to others. If you’re feeling burned out, chances are you’re exhibiting some of these signs. That can take some radical retrospection to recognize and accept, however.
Physical decline
It is well documented that stress has a number of surprising (and negative)impacts on our physical health. Those who are burned out will — more-often-than-not — find themselves feeling fatigued, and they might also experience sleep disturbances, chest pain, gastrointestinal pain and even increased rates of illness.
In the early stages of burnout, you might also lose your appetite or experience fluctuations in your weight. When things begin to spin off the rails internally, it’s only a matter of time until they spin off the rails externally too. If your health is in decline and you’re feeling the stress building in your life, burnout might be to blame.
Mental decline
The stress associated with burnout can cause increased rates of depression and can also increase the rates at which you experience or suffer from anxiety. Tension and edginess come together with feelings of guilt and worthlessness to create the perfect storm of emotion that can equal a major mental decline for you — little by little.
You might also experience increased levels of anger or resentment in your life, which is expressed in violent or equally stressful outbursts that can leave you even more isolated than you already feel. Burnout is a self-defeating pattern that can tangle up our thoughts in some truly shocking ways. If you think you’re burning out, take a look at your thoughts and consider the positive-negative balance.
Detachment
Detachment occurs when we harbor a general sense of being disconnected from others or critical aspects of our environment. Detachment can cause us to lose interest in the things we once enjoyed, and can even cause us to harbor a pessimistic and self-destructive ideas about ourselves and others. When we begin to remove ourselves emotionally from the things that matter around us, major changes are needed and fast.
Negative self-talk and isolation are the cornerstones of feelings like hopelessness and worthlessness. Dealing with detachment is both a delicate and tricky process, that requires a lot of retrospection but it can be done with time, dedication and the kind of radical self-acceptance that can only be fostered through self-love.
Loss of drive and ambition
When we burn ourselves out, we often experience increased irritability and feelings of ineffectiveness. If these feelings begin in the workplace, they quickly extend into all other aspects of our lives, turning our self-perception and thought-process into a mostly-negative affair that keeps us from functioning efficiently.
Because burnout can make us feel so hopeless, it can quickly zap our ambition and drive — taking from us all desire to make more of ourselves or our situations. Apathy and hopeless are common symptoms of burnout, and when they get their claws in it can be hard to see the dawn for the darkness. Chronic stress keeps your from achieving your best because it keeps you from seeing the best. If you want to tap back into your happiness and drive, you have to overcome your burnout by getting to know it intimately and in the moment.
The causes of burnout.
We can overcome our burnout by recognizing and understanding the factors that create with this chronic state of stress. Burnout is all about how we handle (or don’t handle) our stress, and the ways in which we deal with its fallout in our lives. Some of us are at higher risk of burnout than others, but the threat is still the same. If you put too much burden on yourself and don’t create limits you can stick to: you’re going to find yourself feeling helpless, unhappy and alone.
Time pressures
Constantly putting yourself against a time crunch is one of the quickest ways in which we can bury ourselves beneath unnecessary stress. Those who give themselves enough time to complete the tasks they need to tackle have been shown to experience 70% less burnout than those that don’t. If you find that you’re constantly pressing yourself up against an impossible deadlines — rerassess. You’re increasing your risk of burnout and heading down a truly self-destructive course.
Lack of clarity or purpose
While it’s a hard pill to swallow for some, we need clarity and a sense of purpose in order to feel happy and fulfilled in our lives. That applies to our jobs, our friendships and especially the plans we have for our own futures. In all of these things, we need to know what’s expected of us and we need others to know what we expect of them. Without clarity on either side of a situation, or a clear sense of purpose, it’s easy to get lost.
Impossible workloads
As humans, it’s impossible to be perfect and it’s impossible to do it all. Piling on endless loads of laundry, meetings, holidays, nights out and household chores is a sure-fire way to find yourself drowning in tasks you can’t hope to complete. Impossible workloads — be they personal or professional — will leave you feeling overwhelmed and burned out before you ever have a chance to shine.
Lack of communication
When we’re feeling “up against it”, we can often shut down; becoming lost in our own negative assumptions and emotions before we ever have a chance to get clarity or help. Feeling supported can do a lot for our ability to manage stress and overcome it, but when we start to shut down, that isolation makes it harder for us to survive the hardships and tribulations that burnout can bring. Communication is often one of the first things to go when we start to feel stressed, so it’s important to keep those channels open.
How to beat your burnout before it destroys your happiness.
Overcoming burnout is possible, and while the causes of burnout might be complex — healing it does not have to be. You can overcome your burnout by applying a few simple techniques to your life, but they take time, commitment and the understanding that your time and happiness is just as worthwhile as anyone else’s. Apply these simple techniques and find your way back to passion, happiness and sense of purpose.
1. Learn how to be a little more selfish
We often become bogged down and overwhelmed because we feel as though we can’t say “no”. This inability to stick up for ourselves can stem from childhood trauma, but it can also extend from generally poor self-esteem or self-defeating thoughts and negativity. If you truly want to overcome your burnout, you’ve got to start by learning how to be a little bit more selfish; something that doesn’t come naturally to us all.
You will only be able to reconnect with your happiness once you’ve created enough space to express yourself in the ways that suit you best. Self-actualization is the way by which we find meaning in our life, and it’s also the way by which we build up self-esteem and happiness in our day-to-day lives. If you’ve found yourself caught up completely in the desires and demands of others, odds are you’ve lost this space and this freedom to express yourself in the ways that you need. Learn how to be a little more selfish and start saying “no” so that you can take time for you to do the things that you need to.
Saying no starts with boundaries and communicating those boundaries effectively and civilly to the people around us. If you don’t have time for those extra tasks or get-togethers — say so, and make it clear that what you’re doing is best for both parties involved. You can assert yourself without being problematic, and you can have boundaries without losing it all. The secret is taking the time to get to know (intimately) what boundaries you need and the best ways to communicate those new boundaries to the people around you (managers, bosses and CEO’s included).
2. Forge new relationships
According to Christina Maslach and Michael P. Leiter — contributers for Scientific American — connecting with others is one of the best ways to combat our burnout and tap back into the positivity we need to remain resilient to the stress of our day-to-day lives. In their article, Conquering Burnout, Maslach and Leiter wrote:
“Receiving good vibes from others is an uplifting experience, but so, too, is expressing them to others.”
Surrounding yourself with others who can take a compassionate, yet detached look at what you’re going through can be extremely helpful in assisting you to shape your own perspective. They can highlight issues you might have missed, or opportunities that you couldn’t see through the stress of the entire situation. By forging new relationships and reaching out to better the ones you already have, you’re actually boosting your ability to deal with stress and overcoming the burnout that’s plaguing your life.
3. Take some time off
Feeling overwhelmed is often a sign that you are overwhelmed (*shocker*). Getting bogged down in the stress and mess of everyday life is never easy and, often, the best thing we can do is get away from it all. It’s not always possible, however, to pack up and fly off for two weeks. What you can do is unplug, though, and take a little time away for you to seek the well being that you need in order to be happy again.
Plan for a long weekend at home or look for a low-cost way to detach and take some time for you for a day or two. Don’t call. Don’t check in. Find a place where you can be entirely alone and removed from the constant emails, text messages and demands on your time that the stress on your life is causing. Start pulling back pieces of yourself by being by yourself. It’s the best way to find yourself again, but you’ve got to take the time and you’ve got to do it now.
Limit the use of your digital devices while in this space, and remember that you don’t owe every second of time your time to the people around you — not morally and not legally. We all need space to clear our minds and decompress from the constant pressure of modern living. If you feel like you’re drowning, chances are you need to get away. Put down the phone and turn off the computer. Fly away or bask in the staycation you’ve been dreaming of. How you do it doesn’t matter. What does matter is stepping back and taking time for you.
4. Get mindful
If you’ve struggled with burnout before, then chances are you’ve heard about a number of mindfulness techniques that can help you find your center again, and get back in touch with the parts of you that matter most. While meditation is probably the most popular among these techniques, you can also use mindful journalling, reading and even listening. Mindfulness isn’t really about one technique or set way of behaving. It’s about reshaping your internal environment in order to maximize your effectiveness.
Start small. Find a safe and quiet space where you can relax (with no interruptions) and spend a few minutes each day getting to know yourself and your emotions. Learn to recognize how you’re feeling in the moment and why, and don’t be afraid to voice those emotions out loud, or release their power on the page by journaling about their sources and how they negatively (or positively) impact your life.
Practicing mindful meditate or journalling for just 10 minutes each day is a powerful technique for unlocking the secret opportunities of your unconcious mind. By getting more mindful, we can make it easier for ourselves to live in the present moment, thus reducing the stress caused by our expectations of the future or fears rooted in the past. Only when we learn how to relax, we can also learn how to address the things that once scared us or caused us stress.
5. Find meaning again
One of the best ways by which we can overcome our burnout and find happiness again is to reconnect with the meaning that brings us authentic and fulfilling joy. We can do this by reattaching those elements which bring us confidence, self-esteem or even just small moments of fleeting happiness. It doesn’t matter what gives our lives meaning, it only matters that we have authentic meaning in them; and that’s a process that can only be defined by you and you alone.
Nurture the connections that you share with others and really dig into the ones that help you grow in ways that are both meaningful and transcendent. Pick up those old hobbies and pastimes that make you feel good about yourself, or make you smile when you least expect it. Likewise, volunteering is a great way to give back while finding a way to reconnect with truly beautiful things in life with meaning far greater than your own. Set purposeful goals and pursue them confidently. You can only find meaning by looking for it.
It’s important to remember, however, that happiness alone is not meaning. Happiness in-and-of itself is just a feeling, as fleeting as it is hard to capture; meanwhile, meaning is something with value both to ourselves and those around us. Both are essential to a happy life, but both are not created equal. Happiness is the path by which we find our meaning. Travel it well and often.
Putting it all together…
Overcoming burnout requires a deep understanding of self and the elements and boundaries you need in order to feel safe, secure and confident in who you are and where you’re going. Burnout has many symptoms, but some are more subtle than others. If you’re living in a constant state of stress, struggle and overwhelm you might be close to burnout. Only you can spot the signs and apply the simple techniques needed to get you back on track.
Learn how to say “no” and stop feeling bad for being selfish with your time. We need time and space to connect with ourselves and decompress, and we also need space to forge the new relationships we need to thrive and grow. Take some time off and unplug from the experiences and people that are pulling you under or dragging you down. Practice some mindful meditation or journalling techniques and get back in touch with your sense of purpose so that you can find your happiness again. Burnout is a complex experience and one that isn’t always easy to overcome. It can be done though with a little commitment each day. Are you ready to make that commitment?
