You Have to Maintain Your Happiness To Keep It
Lately, I have been reflecting on all of the ‘dream careers’ I thought I wanted. I based these career options on my current degrees and a path that wasn’t too far from my current position.
I wanted convenience and ease of transition from school to a career. But every time I got close, I failed.
I wanted to be a counselor because I thought I should do it if I have my bachelor’s in psychology. I applied and got accepted; I was so happy! Unfortunately, I didn’t even make it to the first semester. I dropped out because it didn’t feel right.
I stumbled around a bit and tried for a few classes in a family and child studies program. It didn’t last a week.
Eventually, I found a program in psychology that I liked, so I dived in headfirst. I finished my Master’s degree within less than two years.
After I graduated, I was feeling very antsy. What was I going to do next? I decided I wanted to be an educational diagnostician. Being accepted into this program was difficult, as they had strict admission requirements. But I fit the bill.
Much like the other two programs I left. However, I did give the educational diagnostician program my hardest.
I knew that leaving these programs was not a mistake when I felt a load of pressure fall off my shoulders. It’s as if I had carried a horrible burden that I was utterly oblivious to.
I came in with the best intentions — I just wasn’t a good fit. But if this is something I wanted, then why wasn’t I happy about it? Was, was I questioning my decision?
I had to do a lot of self-reflection to understand where I was going.
I was basing my career on the limiting beliefs that I held about myself. I wanted to follow the path that I was supposed to follow. We can’t always have what we want, but I didn’t even try to take a step in that direction.
I realized I needed to stop trying to change myself and go with what skills I have naturally. I don’t need to learn to be a charismatic coworker — hell, I don’t even need to have coworkers!
What I can do is find what never fails to make me happy. I should never stop chasing what kindles joy.
I always felt happy when I entered into these various career paths because they fit what I thought I needed to do. But that happiness never lasted. It wouldn’t take long for me to come down from this happy high to sit and question why I was doing this.
After further introspection, I realized I have no set path — I create my path. While trying to understand myself, I used writing as a way to cope. Writing has always brought me joy, and I’m not half bad at it!
Instead of going through academics, as I had previously done, I found blogging instead. It has been an excellent outlet for me. I have the freedom to write about what I want, whenever I want. I want to make sure that I can always express myself through words.
I want to spend the rest of my life figuring out who I am and following where I need to go.
What now?
I kept asking myself questions last summer about where I wanted to be professional. I decided to stop wasting time and go back to school to work towards my passion.
Academic writing was excellent, and I was good at it, but it didn’t fulfill. It felt like a chore. But I continued because I didn’t want to risk losing any opportunities.
So I decided I would become an educational diagnostician. I kept trying to convince myself that this was my happiness. But at the end of the day, I don’t care to learn about triangulation of data or phonetics.
I still was not happy. Each day that passed by, I felt less enthusiastic about life. I wanted to find self-fulfillment.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to please others. That’s led me to make decisions based on what other people thought. Now, the only person I want to please is myself.
I had to ask myself some difficult questions. Is the current work you’re doing making you truly happy? Put aside the money for a minute and think, ‘is it worth it.’
If it’s not, then maybe it’s time to reconsider.
I had this happen when I was in the first semester of my educational diagnosis program. I loved the people in my schedule and so desperately wanted this to be the thing that was my thing. But I’ve officially dropped my classes and haven’t registered for any new ones.
I honestly have no intention of going back.
But after years of feeling lost and hopeless, I found something that lights joy into my heart.
I feel optimistic now, as if I have the world at my fingertips. This is the excitement and happiness I have been looking for. Now that I found it and recognize it, and I need to maintain it.
I will never let that go.
Your happiness is like a relationship; you have to put in the time and effort to see things long-term.
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